Advice greatly appreciated


#1

Hi,

I just want to say any reasonable advice would be greatly appreciated at this time.

I have been with my partner coming up to two years. I am 23 and he is 29. I am an agnostic/atheist and have been my whole life. I believe there is a “god” but not a man or human being but an energy. However I respect everyone’s beliefs within reason.

My partner was born into a devout Catholic family. They are from Nigeria originally but he was born in America and moved here to the UK when he was 22. His father goes to church everyday, his mother every Sunday. All his siblings live different places in the world and every sunday the mum calls them up and tells them to make sure they go to church. They have rosaries and pictures of Mary & Jesus all over their house.

When he got with me he knew I was atheist, now after a year and a half its starting to dawn on him that if we have kids this is going to be a problem. I feel I have bended A LOT for him. I said he could take the kids to church every Sunday and explain his beliefs and I ask in return that I explain my beliefs to my children and when they reach 18 and are adults they can make their own decision. I agreed they could go to Catholic school also. All I said was that I wouldn’t want them to think being gay is wrong (I have many gays friends who would be apart of their life) and I am pro choice also and wouldn’t want them thinking abortion is wrong and indoctrinated with that ideal. If it were up to me my kids would be raised atheist/agnostic but I am in love and so I decided to sacrifice.

He on the other hand won’t give an inch. He told me I can tell the kids whatever I believe however that they WOULDN’T be raised to think that. He said parenting doesn’t stop at 18 and his kids won’t make their own mind up as adults that they will follow his way and his way only. He said I couldn’t tell the kids not the worship god. He says he wants “god fearing” children who “worship god every second of everyday”. I said I don’t think saying prayers before sleep every night is necessary. I just feel I am giving so much and compromising and I’m getting nothing in return. I love him deary and feel maybe I should just give in and let him parent the kids his own way but then I feel like I’d be living a lie. I don’t believe in heaven, hell, don’t believe in immaculate conception, all the ethical questions.

I tried to explain to him god wouldn’t want him to push a good person out of his life. I said he can prey whenever he likes just when it comes to children their has to be SOME of my say in order for me to feel apart of this potential family. He says if I don’t let his kids worship god all their lives we can’t be together. He wants his hypothetical kids to marry christians/catholics and their kids to do so - its almost like a family tradition.

My family are not religious but respectful. My step dad was a strong devout catholic until he was 19 and decided to be atheist, so they are both very understanding. But I can’t imagine them as grandparents not being able to express their beliefs to their future grandchild since his family are so adamant to maintain a “Christian lifestyle”.

I asked him if he would come a speak to a priest with me and see what he says but he says I should go alone and report back to him. I think this is unfair as the only reason I would be going to a priest is for HIM and I’d like his support to strengthen us. If he decided to hypothetically become an atheist I’d help him in whatever he needed to do.

Sorry this is so long but I wanted to speak to the catholic community to understand from your point of view am I being unreasonable? I feel I’m trying to bend so much and try to compromise. In terms of opinions and feedback is it really against catholicism if I don’t want my kids preying all the time all day and I want them to have open minds while still very much exposing them to a catholic life?

I feel really lost right now and heartbroken, any feedback would be appreciated.

Thanks for your time.


#2

I’m sorry it took so long to dawn on you. This is a major obstacle to a happy marriage.

They **are **wrong.

This isn’t negotiable. These are doctrines of the Church. You cannot expect him to authentically raise children Catholic and teach them something that contradicts the Church’s teaching. Above you say you would fully support raising the children Catholic yet this further comment indicates you really don’t understand what that means.

Well, I’m not sure why you are suprised. Homosexuality is a disordered sexual appetite and an offense against God in the Sixth Commandment. Abortion is murdering babies. Of course he isn’t going to teach them that these things are OK.

Look, this isn’t a disagreement about what color to paint the bedroom. These ard **fundamental **differences between a believer and a non-believer.

I don’t think you should marry a person with whom you disagree so fundamentally on life’s big, important questions. Nor should you simply “give in” as you with either resent him or change your mind at some point causing further conflict.

Really, I’m not sure why a person who declares himself to be a devout Catholic would date an atheist in the first place, nor vice versa. Why would you date and consider marriage to a person who doesn’t believe a single thing you do? This is the most serious partnership you will enter into, a lifelong commitment to raise a family together. Seems that starting out with totally different beliefs is just a really bad idea.

I think you have projected your own worldview onto this God you don’t believe in. But, in fact, God does have things to say about how we raise our children, marry, and conduct ourselves that are at odds with your sentiments. God wants people to be holy. Which invovles worship and right living.

I think that you cannot compromise and neither can he. So, you need to move on.


#3

Well written.

I agree.


#4

Oh my, this is hard and my heart goes out to you.

I will offer my advise, for what it is worth.

Marriage is hard. Very hard. You will have so many challenges and difficulties. Marrying someone with conflicting beliefs about life, if they are strongly held, could really just make it even harder.

I know you love this person, but you can see the difficulties it is already causing, and you have not even walked down the aisle. This is just the start.

As Catholics, we believe that when we get married, it is our responsibility to get ourselves to heaven, and help our spouse and children get there as well. This is why the Church, in the past, did not allow marriage between people of two different faiths - a Catholic wants to get their children and family to heaven based on the Catholic path and faith. If someone in that family does not share their love of the faith and the path, then major roadblocks arise. Life becomes harder. The path becomes rockier.

From a Catholic point of view, I could not do it - marry someone of another faith. I can have friends of other faiths, but when it comes to marriage I just could not. My faith is my path to heaven, it is my path of life, it is how I live my life and how I think. If I had to fight for this faith and path in my own home, I would be devastated.

Especially for my children and spouse. As Catholics, we believe we have to love one another as Christ loved us - which means we have to do all we can to help others get to heaven. If I had someone telling my children homosexuality was ok, etc., my heart would be breaking. I would feel like my children were being spiritually poisioned in their own home (nothing against homosexuals as PEOPLE - but as a practice, yes).

An authentic Catholic life brings such joy and happiness, but if one spouse was against it and did not agree, it could cause pain to even the children. After all, if mommy and daddy cannot agree, then what IS right?

I know you love this person, but I would seriously think very, very hard about marriage. Common beliefs are needed to help carry people through marriage - without them, they can divide and tear apart.

Many of your beliefs are in literal opposition to his, in the sense that one enemy is against another in a war. Your thoughts and his thoughts will turn into battling enemies, for that is what they really are in the end. Thoughts that do not agree at all and will fight each other out for your souls and your childrens souls...wrecking havock in the home in any way they can.

I hope it will work out for you in the best way possible for your future happiness and his happiness. I know it is a tough situation. God bless you.


#5

When you say "God wouldn't want him to push a good person out of his life", this doesn't mean that God would want him to marry someone who was incompatible even though she might be a wonderful person.

It sounds like you really love him a lot, and I understand that it feels like you are giving a lot in the way of compromising, but not getting much back. The thing is, there are things that can be compromised on and things that cannot. To a truly religious person, faith is not something to be compromised.

The biggest consideration you have here is what would be best for any future children you would have. Personally, I could never marry someone who would tell my children that abortion was perfectly fine, or that there is no heaven or hell. When I become a parent, I will have the obligation of doing everything in my power to put my children on the right path to heaven. Your boyfriend is beginning to see that his efforts as a Catholic parent would be pointless if you were telling your children these things.

This whole "giving kids a choice" thing, I never understand. Kids have a choice, when they become adults. Giving them mixed messages about what to believe does more harm than good. They will grow up confused and not believe in anything, because they will have learned from their parents that everything is relative and that religion is meaningless.

I'm not sure why he wouldn't go to see a priest with you. I think it was considerate of you to offer, and it's too bad that he refused. If you are serious about each other, discussing your relationship with a priest would probably be a lot better than posting on here, but I also commend you for trying to understand him and coming here to seek some answers.

That being said, I do not think that you and this man belong together. I'm sure you are lovely, and that you care about each other, but it seems like you both are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.


#6

I’m a respectful person so I will bite my tongue, but can I say a qualified psychiatrist homosexuality is NOT a disordered sexual appetite so you really might want to rethink that. Necrophilia is classified as a disordered sexual appetite for example according to the DSM not homosexuality though, hard fact like gravity.

I explained to him that being CHRISTIAN and going to church are two separate things. He says he wants his kids to live a “Christian lifestyle” however he has had sex before marriage with MANY women including me. So why stand up and say you’re a catholic and don’t like abortion or homosexuals then break one of the fundamental laws of your faith? Why would I want to raise my children to be hypocrites?

Anyway thank you for your response.


#7

[quote="Faira21, post:4, topic:236846"]
Oh my, this is hard and my heart goes out to you.

I will offer my advise, for what it is worth.

Marriage is hard. Very hard. You will have so many challenges and difficulties. Marrying someone with conflicting beliefs about life, if they are strongly held, could really just make it even harder.

I know you love this person, but you can see the difficulties it is already causing, and you have not even walked down the aisle. This is just the start.

As Catholics, we believe that when we get married, it is our responsibility to get ourselves to heaven, and help our spouse and children get there as well. This is why the Church, in the past, did not allow marriage between people of two different faiths - a Catholic wants to get their children and family to heaven based on the Catholic path and faith. If someone in that family does not share their love of the faith and the path, then major roadblocks arise. Life becomes harder. The path becomes rockier.

From a Catholic point of view, I could not do it - marry someone of another faith. I can have friends of other faiths, but when it comes to marriage I just could not. My faith is my path to heaven, it is my path of life, it is how I live my life and how I think. If I had to fight for this faith and path in my own home, I would be devastated.

Especially for my children and spouse. As Catholics, we believe we have to love one another as Christ loved us - which means we have to do all we can to help others get to heaven. If I had someone telling my children homosexuality was ok, etc., my heart would be breaking. I would feel like my children were being spiritually poisioned in their own home (nothing against homosexuals as PEOPLE - but as a practice, yes).

An authentic Catholic life brings such joy and happiness, but if one spouse was against it and did not agree, it could cause pain to even the children. After all, if mommy and daddy cannot agree, then what IS right?

I know you love this person, but I would seriously think very, very hard about marriage. Common beliefs are needed to help carry people through marriage - without them, they can divide and tear apart.

Many of your beliefs are in literal opposition to his, in the sense that one enemy is against another in a war. Your thoughts and his thoughts will turn into battling enemies, for that is what they really are in the end. Thoughts that do not agree at all and will fight each other out for your souls and your childrens souls...wrecking havock in the home in any way they can.

I hope it will work out for you in the best way possible for your future happiness and his happiness. I know it is a tough situation. God bless you.

[/quote]

Thank you for your kind and helpful reply it means a lot. It's just a shame because I DO know many a family where one parent is religious and they agree to bring them up religious and when they get to a certain age they make their own choice since they are adults. I guess I didn't get so lucky.

[quote="Katie966, post:5, topic:236846"]
When you say "God wouldn't want him to push a good person out of his life", this doesn't mean that God would want him to marry someone who was incompatible even though she might be a wonderful person.

It sounds like you really love him a lot, and I understand that it feels like you are giving a lot in the way of compromising, but not getting much back. The thing is, there are things that can be compromised on and things that cannot. To a truly religious person, faith is not something to be compromised.

The biggest consideration you have here is what would be best for any future children you would have. Personally, I could never marry someone who would tell my children that abortion was perfectly fine, or that there is no heaven or hell. When I become a parent, I will have the obligation of doing everything in my power to put my children on the right path to heaven. Your boyfriend is beginning to see that his efforts as a Catholic parent would be pointless if you were telling your children these things.

This whole "giving kids a choice" thing, I never understand. Kids have a choice, when they become adults. Giving them mixed messages about what to believe does more harm than good. They will grow up confused and not believe in anything, because they will have learned from their parents that everything is relative and that religion is meaningless.

I'm not sure why he wouldn't go to see a priest with you. I think it was considerate of you to offer, and it's too bad that he refused. If you are serious about each other, discussing your relationship with a priest would probably be a lot better than posting on here, but I also commend you for trying to understand him and coming here to seek some answers.

That being said, I do not think that you and this man belong together. I'm sure you are lovely, and that you care about each other, but it seems like you both are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

[/quote]

Thanks for your response. And yes it was hurtful to me because I wasn't doing it for me I was doing it for our relationship and I thought it would have helped. I think you're right and I will have to just suck in the heartbreak and find someone else probably. I just really wanted my life to be with this person but I can't not have a say in my child's life and honestly I feel resentful he put me through a long relationship when I was the one on our second date who told him my views. He said he didn't realize I was this "hardcore" and he thought I would convert to his religion. I personally find that very arrogant to think especially when I would never date someone with expectations they would "convert" for me.


#8

I think it’s too bad that he has been dating you with the intention of “converting” you, especially because you were very upfront with him from the beginning. This was really unwise. I don’t think he meant to hurt you, and probably loves you so much that it made him overlook things that he is now realizing will be a problem in the future. If you break it off though, someday you will look back and be thankful that you did not force something to work that just wasn’t the best thing.


#9

[quote="Katie966, post:8, topic:236846"]
I think it's too bad that he has been dating you with the intention of "converting" you, especially because you were very upfront with him from the beginning. This was really unwise. I don't think he meant to hurt you, and probably loves you so much that it made him overlook things that he is now realizing will be a problem in the future. If you break it off though, someday you will look back and be thankful that you did not force something to work that just wasn't the best thing.

[/quote]

Oh my gosh! I agree too! :eek:

One should never date anyone with the intention of converting them. We have to take people for who they are.

It sounds like, and I could be wrong, but it sounds like he has very strong beliefs which he probably wants to live out but in his personal life he is failing for one reason or another. You are right, he should not be sleeping with you or anyone before marriage if he is devout. It sounds like he really, really wants that genuine Catholic life but has his weaknesses that need conquered.

I really think he would be better with a firm Catholic and you with someone of your beliefs. He could end up resenting you as a roadblock, and you seem to already be resenting him for possibly causing you to "stuff" all your beliefs deep down inside. You have changed yourself for him, which is not fair to YOU either. You need someone who loves ALL of you - including your beliefs!

I mean, if you wanted to become Catholic on your own accord, that would be great, but to have to bite your tongue for the rest of your life or else risk arguments and fights would be miserable.

I was engaged to a guy who was not Catholic at all and had very fundamentally different views on life than me, so I know how it can feel to break things off when you care. I went through a LOT to break it off, but I am so glad I did. I could not take the rest of my life fighting with him over our fundamental beliefs.


#10

I can tell you because I am a convert to the Catholic faith, that having a husband in a different faith is very difficult. My husband is United Methodist, he believes in God and in most things we have the same beliefs, but the Catholic faith still has some beliefs different than protestants. It does make life difficult.

Starting a marriage where you expect the other person to change will not work, on either side. Just know as a Catholic, the only way you can get married in a Catholic Church is for the spouse to agree to raise the children Catholic. Can you vow to raise your children totally Catholic with all the beliefs that go with it. That means not teaching them pro-death abortion practices, or that same sex marriage is ok when it breaks the 10 commandments. That means teaching them there is a God.

The scriptures tell us not to marry someone who is unequally yoked. There is a reason for it. Neither one of you will be happy.

I will be praying for you that some day, you will realize God does exists and that he did create you.


#11

[quote="beth40n2, post:10, topic:236846"]
I can tell you because I am a convert to the Catholic faith, that having a husband in a different faith is very difficult. My husband is United Methodist, he believes in God and in most things we have the same beliefs, but the Catholic faith still has some beliefs different than protestants. It does make life difficult.

Starting a marriage where you expect the other person to change will not work, on either side. Just know as a Catholic, the only way you can get married in a Catholic Church is for the spouse to agree to raise the children Catholic. Can you vow to raise your children totally Catholic with all the beliefs that go with it. That means not teaching them pro-death abortion practices, or that same sex marriage is ok when it breaks the 10 commandments. That means teaching them there is a God.

The scriptures tell us not to marry someone who is unequally yoked. There is a reason for it. Neither one of you will be happy.

I will be praying for you that some day, you will realize God does exists and that he did create you.

[/quote]

Thank you for your response.

Can I say I DO believe in a god, just not what MAN has written in a bible. I don't believe in the male conotations and humanisation of said "god". I believe it to be an entity responsible for earths creation, I'm spiritual but not some man in the sky that awaits me at the gates of heaven or hell. I wouldn't call abortion "pro-death" as it is a fetus up until 24 weeks in the womb which is the legal cut off :shrug:

I don't have a problem with church and them attending, it's quite peaceful my issue is with them "worshipping god" everyday second of everyday and made to be "prayer machines". How is that a relaxing life? I work in a global pharmaceutical company in london city, as you can imagine its a stressful enough life as it is without me worrying whether my children and husband have said "prayers" by evening time. I sure you don't see it as a chore but I do...


#12

[quote="Proper, post:6, topic:236846"]
I'm a respectful person so I will bite my tongue, but can I say a qualified psychiatrist homosexuality is NOT a disordered sexual appetite so you really might want to rethink that.

[/quote]

Certainly it is.

[quote="Proper, post:6, topic:236846"]
Necrophilia is classified as a disordered sexual appetite for example according to the DSM not homosexuality though, hard fact like gravity.

[/quote]

Political correctness resulted in taking same sex attraction off the list of disorders in secular psychatric literature. This does not change the fact that homosexual sex acts are disordered and a sin against the Sixth Commandment. It really isn't secular psychology that determines what is disordered and what isn't. Objective morality comes from God.

On this, I am sure we will have to agree to disagree.

[quote="Proper, post:6, topic:236846"]
I explained to him that being CHRISTIAN and going to church are two separate things.

[/quote]

These two things are not separable in any way. I don't think you really understand the Catholic faith if you believe it is.

[quote="Proper, post:6, topic:236846"]
He says he wants his kids to live a "Christian lifestyle" however he has had sex before marriage with MANY women including me.

[/quote]

So, it sounds like he needs to work on his own relationship with God and go to Confession. And stop having sex outside of marriage.

[quote="Proper, post:6, topic:236846"]
So why stand up and say you're a catholic and don't like abortion or homosexuals then break one of the fundamental laws of your faith?

[/quote]

That's certainly a good question for him.

[quote="Proper, post:6, topic:236846"]
Why would I want to raise my children to be hypocrites?

[/quote]

I would hope you wouldn't, and I would hope he wouldn't either. I'm not really sure why you'd want to raise your children Catholic since you have such strong feelings against things the Church teaches.


#13

[quote="Katie966, post:8, topic:236846"]
I think it's too bad that he has been dating you with the intention of "converting" you, especially because you were very upfront with him from the beginning. This was really unwise. I don't think he meant to hurt you, and probably loves you so much that it made him overlook things that he is now realizing will be a problem in the future. If you break it off though, someday you will look back and be thankful that you did not force something to work that just wasn't the best thing.

[/quote]

Everything your saying is so right I know. It's just hard when our in the situation and you love someone and can't see your life without them..

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise as even before religion he was a controlling person. Telling me I couldn't wear certain dresses when he wasn't there and 6 months into our relationship told me if I didn't stop smoking he would break it off with me, so I quit. Almost like he was a parent rather than a partner. Having said that though I wasn't raised religious I was always a shy girl who didn't have sex before I was 18 nor had boyfriends. He is my first proper relationship, probably why it hurts so much I haven't experienced a break up before. Everything happens for a reason I guess.


#14

In terms of homosexuality you are wrong. You are not a doctor nor have any expertise to say such a thing is a mental disorder which needs scientific evidence and research to exert such a claim but okay I will agree to disagree because debating on a forum is a waste of yours and my time.

The moral of the story is I didn’t know he was this strong when I dated him, I was upfront about mine unlike him. Also you cannot help who you love, simply put.


#15

Ummmm…time to go :frowning:

Yikes - control issues are never good. I imagine there is more too him too that you have not said?


#16

Proper,

I hope you understand that I do know you are going through a difficult time here. I know you’ve invested a lot of your time and yourself into this relationship.

Sounds like there are two different things at work here: his religion, which he doesn’t take as seriously as he should it seems but which certainly does shape him in many ways, and his culture, which may be the genesis of some of this my way or the highway attitude.

While painful, I think you’d really be better off without him. You seem to have two very different ideas about marriage and family. Taking Catholicism out of the equation, I’d give the same advice two any two people who seem to have such deep differences.


#17

[quote="1ke, post:2, topic:236846"]
I'm sorry it took so long to dawn on you. This is a major obstacle to a happy marriage.

They **are **wrong.

This isn't negotiable. These are doctrines of the Church. You cannot expect him to authentically raise children Catholic and teach them something that contradicts the Church's teaching. Above you say you would fully support raising the children Catholic yet this further comment indicates you really don't understand what that means.

Well, I'm not sure why you are suprised. Homosexuality is a disordered sexual appetite and an offense against God in the Sixth Commandment. Abortion is murdering babies. Of course he isn't going to teach them that these things are OK.

Look, this isn't a disagreement about what color to paint the bedroom. These ard **fundamental **differences between a believer and a non-believer.

I don't think you should marry a person with whom you disagree so fundamentally on life's big, important questions. Nor should you simply "give in" as you with either resent him or change your mind at some point causing further conflict.

Really, I'm not sure why a person who declares himself to be a devout Catholic would date an atheist in the first place, nor vice versa. Why would you date and consider marriage to a person who doesn't believe a single thing you do? This is the most serious partnership you will enter into, a lifelong commitment to raise a family together. Seems that starting out with totally different beliefs is just a really bad idea.

I think you have projected your own worldview onto this God you don't believe in. But, in fact, God does have things to say about how we raise our children, marry, and conduct ourselves that are at odds with your sentiments. God wants people to be holy. Which invovles worship and right living.

I think that you cannot compromise and neither can he. So, you need to move on.

[/quote]

I was going to post, but then read the above. It is spot on.


#18

it is a shame that he knew your beliefs and didn’t realize that you were as serious about yours as he was about his. hoping to convert someone is never a good reason to stay in a relationship. I can certainly see how it would come off as arrogant, thinking that you don’t believe as strongly as he believes, but it also shows he cares for you and wants to be able to share his faith with you.

So why stand up and say you’re a catholic and don’t like abortion or homosexuals then break one of the fundamental laws of your faith? Why would I want to raise my children to be hypocrites?

please understand that it’s not homosexual individuals catholics have a problem with, it’s the acting on those desires. as far as breaking the rules - it’s because no one is perfect. we all do things we know we shouldn’t do, whether that’s ignoring a teaching of our faith or ignoring a trafflic law. humans have a tendency to think the rules apply to everyone else, and that for some reason we’re above the ones we don’t agree with.

just because an individual chooses not to follow the law doesn’t mean the law is invalid.

And yes it was hurtful to me because I wasn’t doing it for me I was doing it for our relationship and I thought it would have helped… I just really wanted my life to be with this person but I can’t not have a say in my child’s life…

as much as I completely disagree with your belief system, I’m glad you are willing to stand up for it. I just posted on another thread that I would rather see people be "devout somethings than wishy washy anythings" and this is a perfect example. I think much more harm comes from raising children with an “anything goes” attitude than to teach them a firm set of beliefs and let them think it through on their own when they grow up. you seem to have made plenty of attempts to appease him but I completely agree that continuing to do so would only increase your resentment later on. you need to stand up for yourself and find someone who will either share your beliefs or not care either way. this is also what he needs to do.

as 1ke pointed out, even without religion it seems you would be arguing any time you didn’t agree about anything having to do with your children. not a recipe for a happy marriage and healthy children!

I think you need a hug… :grouphug: hehe but seriously I’m glad you came here for advice and I hope you get this sorted out!


#19

[quote="Faira21, post:9, topic:236846"]
Oh my gosh! I agree too! :eek:

One should never date anyone with the intention of converting them. We have to take people for who they are.

It sounds like, and I could be wrong, but it sounds like he has very strong beliefs which he probably wants to live out but in his personal life he is failing for one reason or another. You are right, he should not be sleeping with you or anyone before marriage if he is devout. It sounds like he really, really wants that genuine Catholic life but has his weaknesses that need conquered.

I really think he would be better with a firm Catholic and you with someone of your beliefs. He could end up resenting you as a roadblock, and you seem to already be resenting him for possibly causing you to "stuff" all your beliefs deep down inside. You have changed yourself for him, which is not fair to YOU either. You need someone who loves ALL of you - including your beliefs!

I mean, if you wanted to become Catholic on your own accord, that would be great, but to have to bite your tongue for the rest of your life or else risk arguments and fights would be miserable.

I was engaged to a guy who was not Catholic at all and had very fundamentally different views on life than me, so I know how it can feel to break things off when you care. I went through a LOT to break it off, but I am so glad I did. I could not take the rest of my life fighting with him over our fundamental beliefs.

[/quote]

I appreciate your response. I agree I think he has a lot of issues where he's not happy with himself. He's the most proud person I've ever met and wouldn't admit it but since I'm a psychiatrist I do analyze and see peoples ways. He continuously worries about how people judge him, even in public he would tell me to "lower my voice" so I wouldn't "draw attention to myself". Anyone would think I was shouting or something it was very bizarre.

I said to him why not worry less about passing down family tradition of being religious and make a life for yourself with someone who loves you and surely willing to try. He's 30 this year and has a string of failed relationships which I'm guessing is down to his unwillingness to compromise with anyone. I don't know if catholicism is the only thing that makes him happy at the sacrifice of his own relationships then thats his decision.

But anyway thanks for your careful response I do agree with what you are saying.


#20

I didn’t say it was a mental disorder.

I said it was a disordered sexual appetite.


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