Advice Needed: Hubby Wants Reason to Convert?


#1

I’m a convert Catholic, who converted at 15, but fell away from the Church during my late teens/early 20s. During that time, I met my husband, and since I was not actually practicing Catholicism at the time, I didn’t push for a Catholic wedding and we married instead in a Christian ceremony. Now, we have been for almost 4 years, and are beginning to talk of having children. Meanwhile, I’m feeling drawn back to the Church and my Catholic faith. From what I understand, our marriage is not a valid one in the eyes of the Church since he is
A. not baptized
B. we weren’t married in the Church
If I had known this 4 years ago, I would have pushed for a Catholic wedding!

The problem is that hubby now attends Mass regularly with me, enjoys Mass, believes a lot of what our faith teaches, but doesn’t want to convert. Per our most recent conversation, he feels that he doesn’t have any reason to convert other than because of me. He has agreed to raise our kids Catholic however! I’m now stuck between a rock and a hard place. This is my husband and I love him with all of my heart, but I don’t want to bring children into an unequally yoked marriage, I want our faith to be something that we share and teach our children, together. Luckily, through no fault of our own, kids have just not happened yet so there’s still time, but I just don’t know what to do. Is there something I can say or should I just pray? And is there a certain prayer and/or Saint I can pray to?

Sorry for rambling, I just would really appreciate some advice.
Thanks,
Emily


#2

It took my mom 23 yrs to convert. Meanwhile, Dad raised 4 kids in the faith and we never missed Mass, and we all prayed for Mom. So my advice is to raise the children Catholic, never miss Mass, pray for him and be patient.
The greatest hurdle my Mom had was the True Presence, and as she tells it, she was praying while walking to work, and her confusion and doubt simple disappeared, and she believed. - - After 23 years of everyone praying for her, and she praying for understanding.


#3

Dear Southern Cutie,Your husband will most likely convert if you simply use the line,no conversion no perversion.:)


#4

His baptismal status is not an impediment to a valid marriage. What currently makes your marriage invalid is that you did not get married in the Catholic form, nor receive a dispensation from your bishop to marry elsewhere.

Your marriage can be made valid through either convalidation or radical sanation. You need to talk to your priest about these options. It is not a difficult process (presuming you both were free to marry-- no prior marriages for either of you).

Continue to pray, be a good example, and let the Holy Spirit work on him. Continue to encourage him to become a practicing Catholic, but don’t push him. Pray to St. Monica, mother of St. Augustine. She prayed for 30 years for her son’s conversion and he went on to be a great saint and bishop.

Also, remember this is not an impediment to you validating your marriage nor to raising your children Catholic. So, don’t make this an insurmountable obstacle. That he is willing to raise the children Catholic is a good thing.


#5

Thats a good enough reason for me :D.

However, continue to pray, take him to the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, and even ask if he would consider entering RCIA, as there is not requirement to be received into the Church at the end of RCIA, however if at the end of his basic education decides he truly believes everything that the Church teaches, he is free to convert.


#6

Maybe you ask the wrong question and so no answer is needed.

Why don’t you decide to attend RCIA and ask him to do it with you just to LEARN. There is no reason that he needs to decide to convert. If he has a passing interest in Catholicisim and has agreed to raise any kids Catholic, then the primary purpose of this is to learn the faith that they will be brought up in. His decision to convert or not comes later, after he is better informed. Then he can come up with he own reason for whatever decision he makes.


#7

God bless you in your journey!
I was an atheist when I became engaged to my future wife. I was respectful of her faith and went to Mass with her and agreed that our children would be raised Catholic. In time, the Holy Spirit worked on me, and I came to the Church with no pressure from her. (And we are now a happily Catholic family of 6.) We know a couple at our church whose eighth child was in elementary school (Catholic) before the husband finally converted. (I never realized he wasn’t a Catholic.)
The only advice I would give is this:

  1. Go to your priest and get your marriage right with the Church.
  2. Make sure your husband is on board with raising the kids Catholic and Church moral teachings (e.g. Birth control)
  3. Never stop praying and never stop working on your own faith. Your best testimony is your joy in Christ.

My prayers are with you.


#8

Thank y'all so very much! You have all made me feel much better about the situation. Still on getting the marriage recognized in the Church....will they do that if he hasn't been baptized? I was under the impression they wouldn't.
Thanks again!!
Emily


#9

Yes, your marriage can be recognized in the Church through convalidation or sanation. His baptismal status is not relevant. The priest who helps you with the convalidation will submit the paperwork to the bishop for the proper dispensation for a Catholic to marry a non-baptized person.

Whoever gave you that impression is simply mistaken.


#10

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