Advice needed..PLEASE HELP


I have an older sister who ran away from our home over six years ago, she never really moved back and pretty much cut off all contact with us. She over the years met someone who was here illegally and when she finally brought it up to may parents, it was too late she had married him 5 years ago in a courtroom to keep him here legally. Now she has moved to Texas and is trying to get the marriage con-validated in the Catholic church. My parents have requested that the church she was baptized at did not release here baptismal records and they did not but the church still is willing to let them get married in the church. My sister is not the same person I knew before she moved out and is totally different. The biggest problem our family is facing is that he doesn’t want to meet our family and he moved her down to TX where he can freely go to Mexico with a few hours of driving. The main problem we are facing right now is how to stop this marriage? Is there something we could do in the Catholic church to stop this from going through. Though she wont believe me, he has told me one time that he married my sister because he was getting deported and that is why he married her. As many times as I have told her she never believes me and just hangs up the phone. Please some one help me with some advice on what we can do? Thank you all and God Bless you all!


Why do your parents think your sister doesn't have a right to her own baptismal records?


Because in our rite of the church, we are very family oriented. It is not a matter of giving the baptismal records but it is more of a matter that he wont introduce himself to our family, we dont know who this guy is and my parents wouldn’t have a problem with them getting married but they feel betrayed that she would marry him for five years then come tell them she wants to get married in the church to a man they dont know. And when we asked to meet his family he told us it is very dangerous where they live and we cant go there because the cartels will kill foreigners, so how can we trust our sisters life with this man that we dont know anything about.


I just saw a news story the other day on how dangerous Mexico is for it’s own citizens let alone Americans. I wouldn’t think badly of him over that issue he was probably telling the truth. He may not be able to bring his family up to meet yours due to immigration issues for another thing. But I don’t think he was lying about the Cartels. Does he take your sister down to Mexico? Is that where they live? Your post was not clear on that. Ultimately though it’s your sisters life and her decision who she marries. If she intends to stay with him and she already civilly married then I would cautiously support her. Let her know how you feel but let her know you’ll be there if she needs you later. Like I said it’s her life…her decisions. My own sister is living with a guy I’m not too sure about. He doesn’t come around the family (red flag) seems to control her a bit more than I like (red flag). I’ve told her how I feel and we’ve argued about it then I realized she has to live her own life and make her own mistakes. She doesn’t listen to me anyway. I just tell her how I feel and let it rest. I’m hoping someday she will gain the wisdom to assert herself more and make better choices but again it’s her life. I pray for her and am there for her. :cool:


if she is of legal age there is nothing your family can do.

she will unfortunately have to make her own mistakes. and sometimes people’s mistakes end up getting them emotionally or physically hurt, which also hurts their family.

I can completely understand your family’s resentment of her actions and desire to keep her safe, especially since the expectation is of a close knit extended family.

at least she’s seeking to get her marriage recognized by the church.

pray for her. and as hard as it is, don’t cut her out of your life completely. she needs to know that if she ever needed her family they would still be there for her. but obviously at the same time don’t let her step all over you!


Ok, when you said that your parents actually requested that the church not release her baptismal records, that struck me as incredibly unreasonable and I can’t believe the church actually listened to them. :confused:

But anyway, your sister is already legally married to this man, whether you and your family think she should be or not. Why did she decide to have her marriage blessed? This strikes me as being a good thing. That your family is trying to prevent her from getting her marriage blessed, I am not sure that I understand. She is still with this man five years later, and they want their marriage to be sacramental. Why is that bad?

I do understand that you don’t know this guy, and that you are concerned for your sister. But you asked how you can stop the Catholic church from convalidating their marriage, and I think that is the wrong question. A better question might be how can you and your family come to terms with the decisions your sister has made, and how can you express to her that you are hurt that he does not have an interest in meeting your family?


how to stop the marriage?..shes already legally married if she got married at the courthouse, the church ceremony is to bless it and make it a marriage in the eyes of god…

i think if you all keep acting like this, your sister will draw closer to her husband and further away from you guys and you could lose he

shes a grown adult, you have to let her make her own decisions


They’ve been together *five years *and you’re still looking to stop the sacrament? You should be encouraging them to marry in the Church.


There is no such thing as the Church Swat Team to go and kidnap your sister away from her legal husband!:eek:

Whatever her reason for marrying this man, she did it. She doesn’t live with any of you any more, she’s an adult and is making her own choices. They may not be good choices, they may even be really dangerous choices, but there is little you can do at this point except pray for her. Keep the lines of communication open, stop telling her that her husband married her to stay in the country. It’s not helping and is pitting you against her husband, whom she already is loyal to. If they have children you may never see them if you keep this up. Maybe he loves her, maybe not, whatever - you have to Let Go and Let God take care of her. If you chase her away you may never see her again. What if something happened and you didn’t know where she was?

Go to confession, admit your sins, and sit in front of Jesus with your pain. Say the Hail Mary and the Memorare. Remember that your sister is someone to feel compassion for. Pray for her safety and that of her husband.

I’m sorry that this is happening to your family. Be strong and know that God is in control of it all.


Like others have posted, if she married him five years ago at the courthouse, she’s legally married. A convalidation is the Church’s blessings on an already existing marriage, and even if you or your parents disrupt the actual convalidation service and drag her from the church, that’s not going to stop her from being legally married. It might land you in jail, but she’s still going to be married.

I have a sneaking hunch that the more you try to alienate your sister from her husband, the more obstinately she’s going to cleave to him and not want to be in contact with you. She’s already hung up the phone on you several times, thereby making it clear she doesn’t want to hear your views on the matter, so why persist?

Pray for her. Pray for your family. Keep as much loving, charitable, non-judgmental communication as you can between you and your sister.


Perhaps your family’s attitude toward your sister contributed to her decision to leave in the first place?

She’s been gone five years and your family is still trying to impede her access to the Sacraments out of spite?

The biggest problem our family is facing is that he doesn’t want to meet our family and he moved her down to TX where he can freely go to Mexico with a few hours of driving.

Frankly, your family doesn’t sound like anyone I’d want to meet (or introduce my spouse to if it were my family).

As far as marrying for a green card, that takes only a year or so after the wedding to get and after another two years the temporary status is removed. After five years he’s not with her for the green-card. He’s already got that.


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