Advice needed


#1

I am struggling with my faith and hoping for advice.

I converted to the church about 11 years ago, but I haven't been active for several years. I felt abandoned by God and had a hard time reconciling the suffering in the world with a loving Father and Savior.

Since then, I have gotten married and had three wonderful children. I also had my tubes tied, which I am starting to regret. Reversal isn't an option, because I had Essure done, which is a new form of tubal ligation that isn't reversible.

I have tried other churches, like Episcopal and Lutheran, but they are just shadows of the Catholic church. I want to raise my children Catholic, but my husband isn't very supportive. He was baptized Catholic as a baby, but has never gone to church. He has agreed to get our marriage validated and have the children baptized, but he refuses to attend RCIA or even go to mass. He told me that he supports me, but is hoping I will eventually change my mind and realize that I can have a good relationship with God, without religion.

Has anyone else struggled with a spouse that doesn't support your religious choices?


#2

You may have already read my story. My husband and I were both very lapsed Catholics when we married civilly. 2 years later our first son was born and I was drawn back to the Church, well, it really started when I first knew I was pregnant. Anyway, I reverted and my husband has been pretty tolerant about it all but all along, he's had serious differences and now he can't even tell me he believes in God. This makes me very sad.

You must follow your heart's yearning and the Holy Spirit's pull on you...Start praying for your husband and children right now. Pray for the strength to be a holy wife so that he can see the example of faith you are. Whatever he decides to do, you must do as God is telling you to do. I knew that I had no choice and I would have done it exactly the same, but of course I do wish that my husband would have returned to the Church as well. He cannot be the spiritual head of the household when he doesn't have anything to teach the boys about God!

Have you spoken to a priest about your situation? You need to get specific advice on how to proceed, and you need to confess your tubal ligation. But the priest will tell you how to go about what you need to do.:hug1:


#3

My dad raised 4 sons in the Church while mom never attended or participated, except our Baptisms.
But with a loving husband and 4 children praying for her, after 30 years she converted and today is a participating Catholic.
It is not where you start, but where you finish.

Be the light and truth for your children as my father was for me and my brothers. And if possible, make a Holy Hour to the BLESSED SACRAMENT weekly for your husband.

My dad never pushed or persuaded, we all just prayed and the HOLY SPIRIT did the work.


#4

I think you'll find it more common than you realize. :)

I was a very lapsed Catholic, married civilly. Husband was non-religious, non-baptized. Fast forward to today. My husband is a full member of the church, our children attend Catholic school, and we're both very involved in our parish. Our faith is the center of our lives, and is a great grace which we are grateful to accept.

Funny thing, when my husband was going through RCIA, most of the other people were married men who realized after a number of years that they were Catholic in their hearts, so converting made perfect sense.

While you can't force conversion, the number of people I've met along the way who have converted because they watched the transformation of their spouse is humbling.

God bless you and keep you.


#5

[quote="Julian0404, post:3, topic:242858"]
My dad raised 4 sons in the Church while mom never attended or participated, except our Baptisms.
But with a loving husband and 4 children praying for her, after 30 years she converted and today is a participating Catholic.
It is not where you start, but where you finish.

Be the light and truth for your children as my father was for me and my brothers. And if possible, make a Holy Hour to the BLESSED SACRAMENT weekly for your husband.

My dad never pushed or persuaded, we all just prayed and the HOLY SPIRIT did the work.

[/quote]

You are fortunate indeed that it was your father who was the faithful Catholic, while you were growing up. Many studies show that it's the father who greatly influences the childrens' faith, whether he is religious or not, and regardless of how devout the mother is. When the father doesn't attend church, or is blase' about it, chances are great that the kids will have cracks in their own faith. If he is an agnostic or atheist, it is almost certain that at least one child will leave the Church, at least for a time.

In my own case, my mother was devout, but passed away when I was 10. Daddy was a convert and just never went back to church after she died, and that was when I stopped considering myself a Catholic. I never stopped searching for God without really knowing what I was doing. It was only when I got pregnant with my first child that I saw God's hand in my life and He sent me back to the Church.

What a lovely encouraging story, that your mother finally converted. :)


#6

I haven’t spoken to a priest about my situation yet, because of the monsignor’s retirement, we are actually getting a new priest next week. I’m planning on making an appointment to discuss validation and children’s baptisms when I get back from a trip I’m taking at the end of the month.

I really think my husband is just afraid of being judged by church members. He is a pretty shy person and has also had bad experiences with organized religion. We live in Utah, where most people are Mormon. Although he was never Mormon, he has experienced a lot of discrimination from members of the lds church growing up.

I guess I’m lucky that my husband at least believes in God and isn’t fighting me about raising the children Catholic. Things could definitely be worse.


#7

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.