Advice on a potential relationship

A co-worker and I have been going out for the last few months, we do not physically work together since I work at another office than she does. We are both single parents who are free to marry.

We hit a little snag early August through a miscommunication via text. She cancelled a date we were suppose to go on due to her children and I replied that it wasn’t a problem and that I was patient. She told me that my text scared her and I said that we should talk to each other in person to clear things up and decided to give her some space. After some time, we finally got together last Saturday for dinner.

During dinner our conversation was great, she started opening up about issues that she is going through, both personally and with her ex which involve their children. She stated that by me telling her that I was patient, that I may have thought that we were in a relationship already. She then explained that by going out, she did not think that we were seeing each other as if we were in a relationship, and she did not feel ready for a relationship with anyone because of the problems with her ex. She stated that she felt bad and thought I was hurt because I pulled away due to the miscommunication we had and felt the need to talk in person and felt the need to apologize if she was rude to me.

I told her that I didn’t see that we were in a relationship either by going out, since we never talked about being in one. I told her that what I meant by being patient was that if we weren’t able to go out then, I could wait for a future date. I also said that the only reason I pulled away was because I wanted to giver her some space and that she did not hurt me, nor did she need to apologize because she didn’t act rudely. She told me that by me giving her some space did really help her and appreciated it. I told her that I like her and like spending time with her, but that I was never going to pressure her into a relationship, nor was I going to be overbearing with her with constant texting etc. That I respect her and respect her time because of the situation that she is in and if something happens between us in the future, then so be it.

I honestly feel happy about the outcome of this situation, because I did feel confused about our situation, and now that this has been cleared up I feel great. I feel that we really connected with one another and I feel that I can trust her more and be more open with her. I really do like her, and would like to start a relationship with her, but as I have said, I am not going to pressure her. I wanted to know if anyone one here went through a similar situation and how they proceeded and what words of advice can be given.

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I think adults speaking honestly and respectfully to each other is the best way to avoid unnecessary drama. It sounds like you both handled this well and were able to discuss the miscommunication without hurt feelings or accusations. That’s great!


Communication is so very important and you two are off to a great start. My wife and I went through similar things years ago, and respected each other’s time to deal with things and privacy when needed. I knew she was also seeing someone else and was conflicted. I knew if God meant us to be together it would work out. Twenty years later, man, am I in love!

Texting is sort of a problematic means of communication because it cannot convey the sort of nuances you can put into speech.

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If you told her that you are not going to pressure her etc., the ball is in her court. For now, you are going to have to wait. Not forever, but for a while.

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