Advice on difficult situation


#1

Hey yall, This is my first post but ive been around the forums for about a year. This last lenten season I have returned to the Church and really been seeking a more fulfilling life in Christ. I have been striving to rid my life from as much sin as possible. In some areas I have been very successful, in particular in breaking my addictions to Pornography and Masterbation. (Testimonies on here relating to the former really helped in combating that sin)

Unfortunetly there is an elephant in the room in my life and that is that my girlfriend and I are sexually active. We have been toghether a little over a year and a half and started having sex quite early. I wish I had returned to the church sooner as it would be alot easier to say I wanted to wait till marriage before we had been toghether. Being as it is we have been sexually active and its proving to be quiet a trial to me. I want to stop so that we can wait till marriage, but im not particularly sure how to approach the subject. She is Christian but not Catholic (although she has been coming to Mass with me with increasing frequency) but like me before I returned to the Church sees no problem with premarital sex in a commited relationship. I wish we could just get married sooner but as it is it looks to be about 2 years before we can get married.

So in a nut shell, whats the best way to approach this in the context of a already active couple and not wanting to damage the relationship. I have little doubt our relationship would survive as strong as it is, but I want to make the transition as smooth as possible for both our sakes.

Thanks in advance and God Bless.


#2

[quote="Redbaron998, post:1, topic:195860"]
Hey yall, This is my first post but ive been around the forums for about a year. This last lenten season I have returned to the Church and really been seeking a more fulfilling life in Christ. I have been striving to rid my life from as much sin as possible. In some areas I have been very successful, in particular in breaking my addictions to Pornography and Masterbation. (Testimonies on here relating to the former really helped in combating that sin)

Unfortunetly there is an elephant in the room in my life and that is that my girlfriend and I are sexually active. We have been toghether a little over a year and a half and started having sex quite early. I wish I had returned to the church sooner as it would be alot easier to say I wanted to wait till marriage before we had been toghether. Being as it is we have been sexually active and its proving to be quiet a trial to me. I want to stop so that we can wait till marriage, but im not particularly sure how to approach the subject. She is Christian but not Catholic (although she has been coming to Mass with me with increasing frequency) but like me before I returned to the Church sees no problem with premarital sex in a commited relationship. I wish we could just get married sooner but as it is it looks to be about 2 years before we can get married.

So in a nut shell, whats the best way to approach this in the context of a already active couple and not wanting to damage the relationship. I have little doubt our relationship would survive as strong as it is, but I want to make the transition as smooth as possible for both our sakes.

Thanks in advance and God Bless.

[/quote]

If she is "Mrs. Right" then you can be honest with her and express your feelings to her and she will understand. She is a Christian afterall and if you show her where in the Bible it states that you should not be fornicating, then maybe she will see that it is a sin and wrong and want to wait until marriage as well. You need her cooperation in order for you to stay faithful until marriage. You will both have to be strong for you have already had sex and therefore it will be difficult. I would just be honest with her and if she is the right woman for you, she will understand and respect your desires and wishes. Afterall, you are trying to live a holy life in accordance with the 10 Commandments and with what the Lord commands of you. Pray for her and pray for yourself and ask the Holy Spirit to give you the right words to tell her. I would not worry so much. The difficult part is not in telling her, but in staying away from sex. You will have to not put yourself in situations that will lead to sex. That is going to be your biggest challenge, but have no fear for with God all is possible. You can obtain what is called Secondary Virginity. Look it up and so can your girlfriend. Go to confession and be clean of mortal sin and start fresh.

I will pray for you and your girlfriend and that the Lord will bless your relationship if that is His will. You know once we follow His will for us, everything else works out. I think what you are doing is admirable and is in accordance to the will of God. Don't worry and do not be afraid.


#3

Explain that you love her still find her most desirable, but want to show her the most honor and dignity in waiting until you are married. Afterall, it is not just your sin, it is her sin too. You are causing someone you love very much to commit a grave sin (did not say mortal, out of a lack of her understanding) and you do not want that for her soul. That should provide some motivation for you to stop.

Explain also that it is a life goal of yours to grow in your relationship with Christ. You need a partner who is on board and supportive of that. Explain that in your religion, sex is not bad. Infact it is elevated to a very high status. If you two are right for eachother, you are going to need her support in this area until you are able to be married.

If she is a reasonable woman, this information should be enough for her to work with you on it.


#4

Get one of the Theology of the Body courses on DVD or CD or a book and ask her if she would do it with you . You could tell here that you have been thinking about this for a while now and you feel your relationship would be strengthened if you stopped the sexual activity for now and saved it for marriage. You might even apologize for not having come to this conclusion sooner since you love and respect her as a daughter of God.

You have been together for a while now. You should really be able to talk to someone about this topic if you are actually being sexually intimate. Why do you think you have difficulty broaching any topic with someone that you are at least "acting" so close with ? Just food for thought as you discern marriage. Your wife should be your best friend and vice versa . There really shouldn't be any topic you "can't" broach.

You are going to have to step up the romance and real acts of love to fill the void that this is going to make. You may even have already grown lazy in this area of your relationship because of the sex. This stage could be a lot of fun and really full of meaning to both of you.

Praying for you ! Pray before you speak to her. In fact see if you can spend some time in Eucharistic Adoration or at least in front of the Blessed Sacrament prior to talking to her. I'm proud of you that you have responded as much as you have to the call of the Holy Spirit.


#5

You have gotten some good advice here.

Remember that if both of you put the Lord first in your lives, then you will have a very good foundation for a great relationship in your marriage.

If your girlfriend does not agree with you after you explain why you want to wait till marriage, then that is good reason to not marry her, as she would be asking you to seriously offend the Lord for her sake.


#6

This is the best way to say it.

Say something like, “Baby, I think your gorgeous and sexy, but I haven’t been a gentlemen. I’d like to start trying, even though it’s going to be very, very hard!”

It’s tough being a young man! Women often times pressure us as well, and some people won’t or can’t admit that.


#7

God bless you. For doing the right thing. I can add no better advice than has already posted. Jesus must be smiling upon you with pride for making this decision. I'm proud of you.


#8

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