Advice on mixed marriage please


#1

Hi,

Okay - it will help if I explain the situation - my fiancee is a member of the Russian Orthodox Church by upbringing and we have been together for about 2 years now. After much thought at the end of last year I asked her would she like to get married and she was mad enough to say yes. Now I’ve read a lot of threads here about people having problems with mixed marriages where people find incompabitble beilefs and clash over matters theological. However, here we have a slightly different situation. The discussion turned to where we would like to hold the marriage obviously - now I was surprised when my fiancee said it might make more sense for her to convert so as to avoid arguments and stress within the family in future years. I would be the last person on earth to pressure her to do such a thing as her culture and background are part of who she is and why she is the person she is. But her reasoning was that in the future if children were involved it would look better to the kids if both parents presented an united face to them on religous and moral matters. Her own personal religous outlook is quite moderate -she believes in god, but also believes as do I that god is there for everyone of every faith and that no-person or their faith should be disrespected. She is a little bit more old fashioned than me though in a relationship and for her the man is boss and leads (or thinks he does anyway :slight_smile: and he is head of the house - we talked the subject over more later and she believes mixed marriages can work but only where mutual respect is there and she thinks it works best if one partner makes a sincere attempt to understand the other. She has been looking at the Catholic faith and she does not think it would be unduly awkward to change faiths for her as the biggest differences are things not relevant to our everyday lifes such as the policy on married priests. On nearly all other issues we are in agreement, she is oppossed to abortion like me, believes marriage is about creating a happy and stable family etc. etc.

That said I’ve read any number of threads here about conversion for members of the orthodox church. Some have had said that adult instruction is not neccesary and only a profession of faith is required. But I also worried that maybe I have accidentally pressured her without realising. Part of the reason I asked her to marry me in the first place was because of the fact that she has extremely high moral values and is very family oriented and apart from that I tried to imagine not been with her and found I didn’t want to imagine that.

I wonder should I encourage her or let her think about the matter more. My father who is far, far more devout than I am thinks I should give her space to think about it. He thinks if she then wishes to it would be easier but that it must be her own decision not influenced by himself or myself. I can see her point


#2

How long an engagement are you planning? That would give her plenty of time to think about it, if you were engaged for a year.


#3

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