First, I’m new to this website so I’m not sure if I’m posting right, so sorry!
I need some relationship advice please
I met this guy at work two years ago when I was 18. I’m a devout Catholic and he’s a Christian, but he doesn’t go to church or anything at all. I go to Mass every week and confession, but I fell into sexual sin with this guy. 6 months later I met an amazing, Catholic guy and we started dating. We never did anything sinful, but we ended up breaking up a few months later because he wanted to have a serious relationship and I selfishly just wanted to hang out with college friends. I wasn’t ready for a committed relationship then- now I am. I got back with the first guy and we’ve been hanging out ever since- about a year now- although my family and friends has never met him, nor know that we hang out. I have kept in touch with me ex via text and we attend the same Church.
Recently, I’ve become completely disgusted with myself and my constant sinning and I told the new guy that I don’t want to have sex anymore- that I want to abstain until marriage. I want to be a good Catholic. I know I’ve messed up, and I want to fix that. He is not happy with it- understandably as he’s 26 and he’s been doing that in every relationship he’s had- but willing to try to do it because he doesn’t want to lose me (this started a month ago. We didn’t have sex for a few weeks, then messed up. We’ve tried again and it’s been a week now). He says he loves me and I love him too, but I do also love the other guy. I still see the other guy every Sunday at Mass. I still have feelings for him and my whole family loves him.
My ex is the perfect guy. He’s super sweet and romantic, he’d make an amazing father, and he’s a great, practicing Catholic. He’s 25, has several siblings, a great family, and he has a good job. His family and mine get along great. He’s kind of like a country guy. I’m not very emotional or sentimental at all and he is. We really complimented each other. I didn’t feel as motivated with him though as he liked me enough to do anything to make me happy. We weren’t in a relationship long enough to exchange ‘I love yous’ but he was crazy about me then and I know that a year later, he’s still into me. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about him- about marrying him and having a family with him. I can see that working out easily. The guy I’m with now is also a good guy. He challenges me and keeps me motivated. He’s very materialistic and into money though. He has a good job. His parents are divorced and he is an only child. He’s very loyal and big about respect. He’s okay with me being Catholic, but has no desire for it. He likes sex and is willing to stop if need be, but doesn’t want to. (we did try stopping a month ago and screwed up a week ago. We’re back on track now, but it’s hard for not just me, but him especially). He wants to marry me and thinks I’m perfect for him. I feel like he’d be a good dad, but he only wants one or two kids. I’m also worried he’ll follow his parents footsteps and think divorce is okay instead of working through and having a lasting marriage. He’s had a past of cheating on gfs although in the time we’ve been together it hasn’t been a problem. He loves me and I love him a lot, I can see us working out, but it will be a lot harder. Like me, he’s also not very emotional. Us exchanging ‘I love yous’ was a big deal. He’s convinced that we will get married and plans on getting engaged in a year or two and live happily ever after.
Sorry this is so long and a big rant, but it’s bothering me. I honestly feel torn between these two guys. I know one- or both- will end up being hurt, and I know it’s inevitable but I really hate hurting people. Like I said, I really keep things to myself and this is a big deal for me to talk about it. Priests didn’t really give me an answer nor my momma. Everyone said to just pray about it, which I have a lot, but I need peace of mind, you know? Sooo any advice?? Thanks y’all!!!