Advice Please


#1

I need advice please. I have no one to turn to. I have been married 35 yrs. I had the idea family, my family came first. Now at 53 I am lost. I am my grandchildren s babysitter and I was never asked, my husband decided for me. So for the past five yrs my home is my prison. I go no where but every month to get staples. I am up at 6:00 and in bed by midnight. I have no time for me. And never get a thank you. My birthday, and other holidays come and go and not even a card. I am tired. I have been ill but can not go to Dr. And I think I had a stroke today, and decided to lay down only to be told that I was being selfish. My son noticed that there was something wrong and I told him that I could do nothing for it, I had to do things I do on my two days off. And he asked me if I wanted to die, and I told him that I would be free. I am so unhappy and tired. And my son said i was a coward. My question is, Am I being a coward for feeling this way? I have no life nor say at all. Again I have no one to ask for talk to, so please some answer this question please.


#2

I'm sorry, why have you not simply said "no", told your son to get a babysitter and your husband that you are not going to do these things any longer? Why can you not go to the doctor?

Why did you not call 9-1-1 when you thought you were having a stroke? PLEASE get medical attention ASAP. Do not delay.

If you are being abused, tell your doctor, call the police, and get the heck out of there.


#3
  1. Your husband decided for you that you would baby sit the grandchildren.
  2. You never go anywhere except out to buy staple items for the home (and am I correct in understanding that even this is only once per month?)
  3. You are never thanked.
  4. You receive no presents for your birthday or the holidays.
  5. You can not go to the doctor even when you are ill.
  6. You were told you were selfish when you laid down, even though you think you had a stroke.
  7. Your son not only called you selfish, but he also called you a coward.
  8. You have no life and you have no say.

Mattie, you are being abused, certainly psychologically if not also physically. You are literally a slave to your husband and especially, it seems to me, to your son. Furthermore, I am absolutely appalled that your son would call his own mother selfish and a coward, but what else can one expect from an abuser. And no, you are not a coward.

Furthermore, your health is at stake. You MUST go to a doctor. While you are there, PLEASE tell your doctor exactly what you told us here. Tell him you are being abused by your family and you need help.

I will be praying for you.


#4

Mattie, I agree with both previous posters, PLEASE see a doctor ASAP!!! We will all be praying for you to get out of this situation and get medical help.
God bless you:heart::hug1::signofcross:


#5

Praying for you - please see a doctor.


#6

[quote="mattie3785, post:1, topic:310569"]
I need advice please. I have no one to turn to. I have been married 35 yrs. I had the idea family, my family came first. Now at 53 I am lost. I am my grandchildren s babysitter and I was never asked, my husband decided for me. So for the past five yrs my home is my prison. I go no where but every month to get staples. I am up at 6:00 and in bed by midnight. I have no time for me. And never get a thank you. My birthday, and other holidays come and go and not even a card. I am tired. I have been ill but can not go to Dr. And I think I had a stroke today, and decided to lay down only to be told that I was being selfish. My son noticed that there was something wrong and I told him that I could do nothing for it, I had to do things I do on my two days off. And he asked me if I wanted to die, and I told him that I would be free. I am so unhappy and tired. And my son said i was a coward. My question is, Am I being a coward for feeling this way? I have no life nor say at all. Again I have no one to ask for talk to, so please some answer this question please.

[/quote]

That was a mistake. People learn how to treat you from how you treat yourself. If you sacrifice yourself for them, they learn to TAKE, not give. God does not demand martyrdom from many of us, and when we attempt it, we fail to do it properly and merely cause ourselves great distress.

You need help. Medical help, and help to sort out some boundaries with your family. First you have to decide that YOU are worth taking care of, and that your life is worth something apart from your family members, who are taking advantage of you.

Go to the doctor first. Do that immediately. Tell him that you are depressed. People who long for death are depressed. You are worth more than remaining in this condition.

No one is going to take care of you, hon. You have to do it yourself. Start today. Go to the doctor.


#7

[quote="jpjd, post:3, topic:310569"]
1. Your husband decided for you that you would baby sit the grandchildren.
2. You never go anywhere except out to buy staple items for the home (and am I correct in understanding that even this is only once per month?)
3. You are never thanked.
4. You receive no presents for your birthday or the holidays.
5. You can not go to the doctor even when you are ill.
6. You were told you were selfish when you laid down, even though you think you had a stroke.
7. Your son not only called you selfish, but he also called you a coward.
8. You have no life and you have no say.

Mattie, you are being abused, certainly psychologically if not also physically. You are literally a slave to your husband and especially, it seems to me, to your son. Furthermore, I am absolutely appalled that your son would call his own mother selfish and a coward, but what else can one expect from an abuser. And no, you are not a coward.

Furthermore, your health is at stake. You MUST go to a doctor. While you are there, PLEASE tell your doctor exactly what you told us here. Tell him you are being abused by your family and you need help.

I will be praying for you.

[/quote]

Abused and taken advantage of. Sounds like your husband is a manipulator and your son learned to be the same behavior from his father. You can still take control. There are shelters you can go to and organizations that can help you even if all you want is someone to talk to. Please get medical care. If you family is preventing you that's against the law and also if you had a stoke or something happened while you had the care of your grandchild that could endanger him or her as well. Next time your son or someone disrespects you shut if down right away just say if you can't treate me with the respect I deserve I'm not going to listen. Walk away and ignore them but whatever you do please get medical help. Prayers. Look up a crisis hotline or Lydia"s House (an organization for abused women). Also call the police if they restain your or refuse to let you go anywhere "THAT's Domestic Abuse and AGAINST THE LAW"


#8

Some situations are beyond the scope of CAF posters. Please contact a health professional and seek help and evaluation.


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