So I’ve been on the boards a long time now and I don’t think I’ve ever posted anything like this but I would like some advice to see if you guys think I’m overreacting.
First of all let me say that my wife and I are very happy, we have 4 wonderful sons etc… like most couple’s right now money is really tight but we both have good jobs close to the house etc… our life, Praise the Lord, is pretty nice most of the time.
So we are both on Facebook, I have a large number of friends as I was President of the Student Council at a large high school and have always been one of those outgoing and political people persons. My wife is somewhat but always had a closer circle of friends.
We have been dating or married now for 18 years and except for a few months about 9 years ago, pretty happy even through the struggles.
So recently an old boyfriend of my wife’s, the person she dated most seriously before we started dating added her to facebook. Their 20 year reunion was coming up and she added a bunch of old friends. However this person seemed to be sending her more personal information and messages rather than wall posts. He had recently lost his job with a large bank and was moving back with this family (wife and 3 daughters). The msgs were sporadical and he missed the actual reunion but about a month ago they started up again.
I feel for the most part my wife has been super honest about this, I have her password to her facebook account and could look anytime and usually play cards on her iphone or use it to pray the rosary (there is a great app for that) while putting the boys to sleep at night. So I could snoop if I wanted… but I don’t want to.
However I don’t know this person. Her most serious BF of all time before me and I worked out together before and when I first started dating her. It wasn’t until I saw a old picture though that I realized we had been friends already. He has stayed a good friend of the family thoughout the years and I would never think twice about anything. I have old girlfriends on FB as well but none I was super close with and those that I do I have added their husbands if there is any chance of us running into each other… just so that I don’t send the wrong message to anyone.
Apparently he has sent her multiple messages that “we all” need to get together sometime, our family and his. Yet I haven’t seen these messages. I believe in some ways wife just dosen’t have time to deal with it (we both work full time and have 4 sons right?). I was telling her a few weeks ago though that it’s “so difficult” to get 2 families together don’t be surprised if eventually he says “since we are having such a hard time getting us all together, why don’t we have lunch or something” She thought that was just silly…
However this morning my wife msged me from work, we work at the same place but my mom normally takes care of the boys recently had surgery so I’m working from home - that she got a call from the security desk this morning that someone was there to visit her. When she got there is was this guy. Apparently he had been at a job fair / interview this morning and wanted to come see here since he was in town. She said that they talked for a few minutes, it’s a busy office, and he said again he wanted us “all” to get together and happy to see her again etc…
Now being a former counselor and a guy, and here is where I may be reading too much into this - we have a person who has been married about 15 years (happy or not we don’t know), he has lost his job about 7 months ago and can’t find work so his ego is bruised (he mentioned to her this morning how it was making him depressed) he finds his old GF, who he was happy with, and starts contacting her - always making the gesture that he wants to meet her husband and family etc… but never following through on that… then he shows up at our office. My take is that he is remembering a better time and that if he could give my wife to notice him again it would help build back his self esteem. Who know is his family is happy either, he has been out of work for a while, so his wife could already be pushing him away…
My wife tells me not to worry and to think nothing of it she is happy what would it matter even if he did have something up his sleve? My issue is don’t let yourself get put in that situation. I use to travel a lot more than I do now and there was always the option of going out with other people from work of the opposite sex, getting a little tipsy etc… I didn’t simple because I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I could fail easily.
So what do you guys think? Am I overreacting? Should I ask my wife not to talk to this person, something neither of us have ever asked of the other before, or just play a waiting game and see if he has honorable intentions or not? I guess my last word would be that my gut instinct tells me he just isn’t being honest… I don’t know why since I haven’t met him but in the past my gut is rarely wrong… I would seriously like to hear your thoughts though.