Advice while converting in Marriage


I need some advice. I find have found myself in the process of conversion (being drawn more and more to the Catholic Church) while married to a cradle Catholic who is lukewarm about their faith (doesn’t accept all the teachings). We have a loving relationship and everything seems great between us but as I become more interested in practicing the teachings of the Catholic faith, I can see us running into more issues (such as contraception). While he has been somewhat supportive of my endeavors by going to church with me and not openly criticizing all the reading on the faith that I have been doing, I still feel continuing down this path is going to be a very difficult road. Yet I feel it is something I need to do.

We began our marriage as an extremely compatible couple (and I believe we still are), but I am afraid that my continued interest in becoming Catholic and practicing that life will be difficult (when we both met we were both on the liberal side of the political spectrum and many of our friends are extremely liberal). I feel like this transition is worth it but I don’t want to lose good relationships in the process. How do I cope with this conversion (almost) on my own? I’m excited about certain things and discoveries I am making in reading but I feel I have no one to share them with.


You said he is a catholic but lite? Perhaps there are some issues with the lack of knowing, in that many we cradles never really learn what is/is not true of the church and such. As a result some fals conceptions make it easier to deny whichever teaching we don’t like. So there could be some aspect at play there, plus he is going to church with you and has always identified as catholic? He may not be overly immovable, but I would also suggest taking it slow-ish and not pushing everything at once etc. Definitely don’t get scrupulous or overly into non sin sins… the kind of gray areas that push these people from the church.

So assuming you guys are getting along well enough and everything faith based has been a positive, I can see it likely he slowly drifts in your direction. I am a bit more liberal situationally… in a sense than some might be on here, in that things like contraception you might want to not brick wall the issue, but really lead into it over time and such. Also, as to the liberal factor, you can always see the positive points involved and not be overly opposing at first etc… he may if you maintain yourself positively find his way closer to the church with you :slight_smile:

1 Corinthians 7:12–14. I think this is mildly relevant.


I assume you have not yet started RCIA… If I were you, I would ask him to go with you when you begin your journey. They won’t turn him away at all just because he’s already Catholic, he will be welcomed. It will give you both conversation points, and he may learn or re-learn some things.

I converted without my husband, who is not Catholic. It wasn’t easy, but I’m glad I stuck with it. I had to remind myself often that this is my path, and I hope one day he will follow me.


Tingzen = awesome advice :thumbsup::thumbsup:


Yes, great advice to have your husband go with you to RCIA! But if you ask and he declines, leave it be.

Also, pray. Just pray a lot. And then pray some more. Pray that the Holy Ghost guides you in your conversion and ignites a flame in your husband’s heart. If there is a saint that you are drawn to, ask him/her to pray for your family. Ask St. Joseph to pray for your husband. My husband is also a cradle Catholic but has very little interest in the faith. We still got married in the Church, but none of the prep or the ceremony was important to him other than the fact that in the end we would be married. Before we were married he held an incredible animosity to the Church (I’m still not sure why) and would often ridicule and mock it. He’s come a long way since that time several years ago. Now we’ve been married about two years and he is no longer rude or disrespectful to the faith. He still doesn’t care for it, but he is much more open. I just pray every day. Every night. I pray for him. I don’t bring anything up to him about the faith unless he brings it up first (this is incredibly difficult when your heart is on fire!) but when he does, I quickly ask the Holy Ghost to guide me in the conversation and it usually goes well.

In the end, you can never change his heart, only God can. Accept this and… you got it, pray :slight_smile:


I remember Jesus saying that following Him would cause problems with others in the world, or something to that effect. I have been looking for the Scripture, but don’t think I have been able to locate it.

Pray for your husband. Both of you don’t have to agree on what constitutes being Catholic, etc. He might learn something from you and vice versa. As long as you can both keep it as charitable as possible, I think it will be okay.

Glad you are looking into becoming Catholic! I just started my Catholic journey (converted at Easter Vigil this year) and so far, it has been a good journey.


The Scripture that I keep coming up with is John 16:33, "I have said this to you, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you face persecution. But take courage; I have conquered the world!”


Luke 12:51:" 1Do you think that I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I tell you, but division. 52 From now on, five in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three.…"

But I don’t think this is a good scripture to focus on in your situation. I believe God wants husband and wife to be united in devotion to him and obedience to the church.
There are many examples of spouses who have been drawn to the church by the example of their partners. A famous one is Scott Hahn’s wife, and his book Rome Sweet Home is an excellent one. I highly recommend it if you are converting a little faster than your wife.
Scott’s wife was devastated by his conversion, and he explains in detail how God touched her heart.



DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit