Affected by infidelity

I found out in 2001 that my husband was having an affair with one of his employees. He begged me not to leave him and he said he would end it. We had a young daughter at the time, so I believed him. Now fast forward to the present time. I found out several months ago that he never ended the affair and has been in an intimate relationship ever since. I can’t even explain how broken I feel. I spend hours on end in prayer. I woke up one morning with this peace, and I knew God had given me my answer. I was to forgive my husband and make it work with him. My husband has ended the affair. I spoke with her and she confirmed it, but this is where my problem begins. I don’t believe him any more. I feel so hurt and betrayed that I am questioning him every time he is not home. I know this driving him crazy and me too. I’ve asked God for some help to give me the strength and the ability to get past this betrayal again, but I am not getting any relief. I am a strong Catholic and I know that when I got married it was for life, but I just don’t know if I can ever trust him again. I love my husband more than words can ever express, but I’m not sure if that’s enough anymore. I am asking for prayers to help give me the strength and knowledge to do what I must do. Please feel free to offer any advice. I feel so alone and lost.

You have been very badly betrayed, by the infidelity and the prolonged deception.
How could it possibly be easy to trust him,
but I ask God to give you, and him, all the necessary graces for fidelity, love, and trust. May God guide and strengthen you both.

Regaining trust and forgiveness take time. You must work on this together and pray together but be patient with it, a bit at a time.

I shall pray for the both of you.

God bless you

Graham

Praying hard for you.

You may need to look into Retroville. It’s a program for those who are in difficult marriages such as yourself and are needing some help to rebuild the trust. Google it and check to see if it’s available in your parish.

I am praying for you and your husband …

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers, they really are appreciated.

Deliver me, O Jesus,
From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,
From the desire of being popular,
From the fear of being humiliated,
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
From the fear of being calumniated,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being suspected.

–Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

It’s not easy to trust again after being betrayed. It takes time and God’s grace. Your husband also has to regain your trust. It’s something that the two of you should work on. I suggest that you discuss it with him, let him know what’s going in your mind and ask him to help you bring back the times.

Lord, Mama Mary I pray that they both learn to trust each other, be more patient with each other. Please show them the right thing to do.

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

Praying that you and your husband can meet with your Pastor for counseling and make a Retrouvaille retreat. May time and God’s healing graces bring you to trust your husband again. May you and he keep faithful and get past this difficult and painful time. May all of your efforts be rewarded in the end, in this life or in the next. Amen.

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