Hello all! I dated a guy for about 2 months this past fall and after finding out his views on sexuality and morality (among other qualities in him), I realized dating him wasnt something that I or God wanted me to continue. I broke up with him a little before Christmas and he was traumatized to say the least. He took it much harder than I thought he would, considering the way he treated me while we were dating. Since then he has tried to keep in contact with me through email. I began dating someone else just recently and he found out about it. Now he wont stop pestering me saying how right he and I were for each other, and what was so wrong about him that is right with this new guy. I’m supposed to meet up with him today to return some books to him, and he wants to discuss our past relationship yet again. How do I get the message across that he needs to move on? Thanks and God Bless!!!
I admire your courage. If he does not share your values regarding sexuality and morality, you are right in ending things, if you ask me. You could leave the stuff someplace for him, but if you already said you would meet up, just deliver the stuff, and say you have nothing more to say - you have moved on from the relationship, and that’s how it is. If he does not respect that, I would not speak to him anymore. It sounds already like a problem situation, so make sure somebody knows where you are and what time you are expected back before you go!
The first thing I would do is arrange for a friend or even more preferably, a family member (brother or Dad) to meet him so as to return the books.
Secondly, a person with this type of persistence in this type of situation should not be allowed to continue to think that there might be the slightest chance of reconciliation.
Therefore, since you have already stated that you have moved on and you have made it clear to this individual that you have. Stop all communication. Passing on the street, etc… may not be avoidable but all other communication is. It may take time for this person to get the picture so if you have really moved on with your life then KEEP MOVING!
My two cents with a lot of years and wisdom to back it up
God bless you.
You need to throw the cold sholder and hard. He most likely isn’t interested in you, he, like so many of us, just wants what he can’t have. You’re dealing with his broken ego, not his broken heart. Stay away. Don’t return his emails, don’t return his texts, just let him go. Tell him that “us staying in contact isn’t healthy for either one of us,” or “I just need to focus on the other things and people in my life,” or whatever you need to say so that he knows you won’t be responding to him anymore. Then walk away. Sounds like this guy needs to man-up anyway; this could be a valuable lesson for him.
I agree with BeMyLove and Jedimonk.
Arrange for a go between to return the books. A warning sign is that he isn’t taking “no” for an answer. You have made the right decision for your future. You have moved on. Don’t look back. Congratulations and God bless you.
Marie, I agree with Hmgbrd. The fact that he won’t let go is a very clear danger signal. Send your brother or a friend to return the books and don’t reply to emails. You made the right choice. Men who are obsessed like this are often physically abusive and you don’t need that. No one does.
Congratulations. You are a wise young woman to move on. There are better guys out there.
As my brother always told me, men just don’t get it! You have to be crystal clear. For example, “I’m not interested in you. I will never be interested again. I’m happy with my life now. Leave me alone.”
You don’t have to be mean, but you must be firm. And, no, you cannot remain friend with this guy. That will give him hope to win you back someday.
Ugh. I had one of those.
This is what you do. Send him one final email, or a letter via registered mail so you know he got it. (Make sure you save a copy for yourself as proof you sent it) Tell him this:
INSERT DATE HERE
INSERT GUY’S NAME HERE:
I am not interested in maintaining any type of relationship with you whatsoever. Please stop trying to contact me directly or indirectly. This means DO NOT:
-Send me mail
-Try to contact me through social networking sites such as Facebook
-Leave notes for me
-Have other people do any of the aforementioned to me on your behalf.
If you continue to attempt to contact me I will notify the police and have you charged with criminal harassment, aka stalking.
YOUR SIGNED NAME
INSERT YOUR NAME HERE
Yes, it’s a little harsh, but it works, and if he does continue to contact you and you wish to press charges, you’ve already laid the necessary ground work.
He doesn’t understand, and this is a potentially dangerous situation. As others have suggested, bring a brother or man friend with you. He’s not able to let go, which means he either has problems with letting go, or has an ego problem. Either way, it can be very dangerous. Stop all contact, and if he still tries, tell him you’ll call the police. This can be especially dangerous if you do this, as he may go off the edge. I don’t mean to make you afraid or make him seem like a rapist, but you must know the dangers or this. If he was aggressive, this may very well be the way he responds. Do you have any handguns or self-defense training? Self-defense is indispensable, especially for a woman.
My goodness! What is it with Americans and guns? You don’t need a gun you protect yourself. That’s a little over kill.
Guns are a great tool. They’re fun, addictive, and conveniently deadly. Our right to use them is in the Constitution. We Americans love them so much that guns are built into our legal system. It’s also proven that countries that allow civilians to carry guns have lower crime rate, whereas countries like Russia that don’t have dangerously high crime rates.
Overkill, you say? Well, criminals use them and kill us with them. It’s either we use them or we die. That’s just how it is. If you outlaw guns, nobody except criminals will have them, and that’s not good for violence rates. I have trained in Goju Ryu Karate for eleven years, and have been trained in gun self-defense, but none of that will matter if the guy is across the room and I can’t conveniently grab him and throw him. In this girl’s situation, he is stronger than her, so she needs an advantage. A gun does the trick. If this seems wrong for someone discerning the Priesthood/Religious life to say, you should keep in mind the man considered to be the Patron Saint of guns is a Priest.