Can anyone give me some insight on dealing with anger over family members with addictions. It’s been an issue all of my life, but has resurfaced again because of the stress of a forced job change. I have been praying a lot lately and trying to deal anger issues. I try to maintain patience, but I want some real results. The job change is really a blessing because it is forcing me to deal with issues. I am on a emotional roller coaster lately. I am trying to change bad stress coping mechanisms to good stress coping mechanisms. I realize I don’t need to go through this alone but I have three kids, full time job, etc… I don’t have lots of time for therapy. Anyones prayers and support are appreciated.
Find an Al-anon group in your area. Al-anon and Alateen are support groups for the family members of alcoholics.
Remind yourself that you are not responsible for their choices and can’t affect what they do. They have to choose it for themselves. Which is what you will learn at Al-Anon.
Are you helping support (enable) these people? One good way to get rid of some of the anger would be to stop allowing them to drain you, if you are.
God bless you,many pray for you and your intentions daily,as a result of recovery in our own lives.I understand not being able to get out and travel for help.The phone is a powerful tool .Use it.Al-anon is not just going to meetings.You are responsable to do the best you can and the failings in others,when they are so close to us upset us terribly.I have frequently used the 3 C’s.
I did not "create"this
I can not "control"this
I can not "cure"this
I must change the things I can… and trust the Lord to bring
me through this day.
Talk to people who are versed in this problem.Use the phone ,let the anger go as it really only hurts you more.
If your parish does not offer something, I am sure there are some programs within you Dioceses. Please call. I am sure they would be able to find some support group that would only be a couple hours a week.
I cannot say enough good things about Al-Anon. The midwest is full of chapters. Find one, and go.
I have been told to go to al-anon but I just can’t seem to bring myself to do it. I have learned on my own that I can’t change this person, or make him better, or make him want to get better. It has been something that I have just let go of
I see you are a new member. So am I. However, I do know about addiction and alcoholism. Unfortunately addiction affects the entire family. People who are close to the person that has the addiction over a period of time develop many of the symptoms as the addict. There is a theory which calls these symptoms co-addiction. The disease of addiction has symptoms which can be treated but also the people close to the addict need treatment as well. This is a fact. Many people get this treatment through Alanon. If you feel that you are too busy, or are seeking and easier softer route, then also know that these are part of the symptoms of co-addiction. So are mood swings, anger, resentment, sadness, unreasonable fears, guilt,baggage from the past, and a type of spiritual sickness which has very little to do with religion. Prayers are great, and bring back glory to God, yet God seems only willing to do His part and requires you to do your part. You may not have been responsible for the addicts choices, yet you are responsible for your recovery from this co-addiction. A new job, a different location will not be the answer to your peace and happiness. You must get help. Pray for willingness to get this help. Until you do, these “symptoms” will not let you have the peace of mind for which you yearn.
Al-anon is not about changing the addict - it is about changing YOU.
Trust the advice and go check it out.
As a recoverying alcoholic (sober date 5-4-92) I cannot urge you enough to check out Al-Anon. You need to be with people who have learned how to truly love the tornado people like me can be in their lives without taking on any of the responsibility for our illness, our choices, our stupid behavior or our ability to suck the life out of everyone around us. I will also tell you that there is a wonderful webiste 12-Step Review run by Catholic sources that can help anyone with a problem, but fear of going to a group, to use the 12 Steps of AA and apply them to their own lives.
You are in my prayers, honey. Hang in there.
Thanks for the help everyone.
I have kind of figured out recently that I have to acknowledge my anger to release it. It’s okay to be angry sometimes. I have anger that is showing up as depression, anxiety etc. because I have not acknowledged it.
The recent job change is going to be a wake up call to look at issues in my life, but I am fool to think that I am not angry over all of the huge changes, fears, uncertainties going on in my life. I have noticed that I am feeling better lately since I have admitted my anger. I am praying for help to let it go and not let it turn into bitterness. Old habits are hard to break and I will make mistakes. Please continue to think of me in your prayers.