Alcoholism in marriage


#1

I'm looking for some resources on coping with an alcoholic spouse and the verbal abuse that comes along with it.

Any resources, advice and prayers are appreciated.


#2

Just one suggestion: Al-Anon. Look up meetings in your area and go. You will get support and understanding from people who have lived with or are living with the problem of alcoholism.

al-anon.alateen.org/

p.s. No matter what the alcoholic might tell you, you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. Go to Al-Anon for more helpful tools for YOUR life. You won’t be told how to get your spouse sober, it’s for YOU.


#3

My brother lived with me for 2 years and was a recovering alcoholic. Was very difficult at first and at the suggestion of a social worker I went to Al Anon. Reaching out thru Al Anon was extremely helpful. You are not alone and Al Anon will help you with coping and offer much needed support.


#4

My prayers for both husband and wife and for the marriage.
Loving God please give wisdom and comfort to the abused spouse,
and healing to the spouse who is alcoholic.


#5

I would recommend looking through the forums at SoberRecovery.com. From reading what others had to say there, I discovered what was going on in my family and was able to protect myself and get help. I was very isolated, so it helped to read the experiences and thoughts of others. A big thing there is that people avoid telling others what to do - they focus on respecting boundaries and talking about their own experiences.


#6

[quote="CLMargaret, post:1, topic:224175"]
I'm looking for some resources on coping with an alcoholic spouse and the verbal abuse that comes along with it.

Any resources, advice and prayers are appreciated.

[/quote]

Al-Anon, if you have teenage children get them into Al a teen, invaluable for children of alcoholics and may prevent them from copying his ways


#7

Make sure you get a good group in Al-Anon--if one doesn't fit well, go to a different one. I went to one where the women were simply addicted to their alcoholics--it was to me somewhat pathetic. Since I didn't have another chapter in my area, I just focused on the literature of Al-anon and prayer. Prayer was the most beneficial in my experience. And...miracles can happen.:thumbsup: Give the pain over to the Lord.


#8

[quote="st_felicity, post:7, topic:224175"]
Make sure you get a good group in Al-Anon--if one doesn't fit well, go to a different one. I went to one where the women were simply addicted to their alcoholics--it was to me somewhat pathetic. Since I didn't have another chapter in my area, I just focused on the literature of Al-anon and prayer. Prayer was the most beneficial in my experience. And...miracles can happen.:thumbsup: Give the pain over to the Lord.

[/quote]

This is very good advice. Try more than one group, if you live in a city or a larger town. There is also a great little magazine called The Forum which is good when you can't get to a meeting. And there are email groups as well, you can search Yahoo groups for those. There is also the Lone Member Service. If you go to a meeting, and think you may not be able to get to a lot of meetings, take the phone numbers of people you meet and call them, just to talk.


#9

[quote="CLMargaret, post:1, topic:224175"]
I'm looking for some resources on coping with an alcoholic spouse and the verbal abuse that comes along with it.

Any resources, advice and prayers are appreciated.

[/quote]

Al-Anon.


#10

I have many loved ones in my life who suffer from alcohol addictions. It helped me to hear: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. I know it's been said but, Al-Anon is where you will find the support that you need.

On a side note I had heard that Alchoholics Anonymous was co-founded by a Catholic nun. I don't remember where I got this information though. It made sense to me when I read the twelve steps. So, I felt very at home in the program.

I will keep you in my prayers this evening.


#11

I have never heard that - AA was founded by Bill W. and Dr. Bob. It came from Dr. Bob’s experience with the Cambridge Group and from Bill W.'s experiences trying every way he knew to give up alcohol and then finally at his bottom, he asked God for help and he was granted that help. He never drank again. The Steps are very Biblical though. Step 4 and 5 are an examen of conscience and then confession. So Catholics recognize the process that’s going on, it’s not hard for us to do and many do make their 5th Step with a priest.


#12

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:11, topic:224175"]
I have never heard that - AA was founded by Bill W. and Dr. Bob. It came from Dr. Bob's experience with the Cambridge Group and from Bill W.'s experiences trying every way he knew to give up alcohol and then finally at his bottom, he asked God for help and he was granted that help. He never drank again. The Steps are very Biblical though. Step 4 and 5 are an examen of conscience and then confession. So Catholics recognize the process that's going on, it's not hard for us to do and many do make their 5th Step with a priest.

[/quote]

Ooooops, Oxford, not Cambridge. Easy mistake. :o

After reading the 12 steps, Father Ed Dowling looked up Bill Wilson to ask how the program ended up modeled after the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius. Fr. Dowling ended up becoming Bill's close friend and sponsor. Yes, Bill was influenced by Catholicism.


#13

[quote="MtnDwellar, post:12, topic:224175"]
Ooooops, Oxford, not Cambridge. Easy mistake. :o

After reading the 12 steps, Father Ed Dowling looked up Bill Wilson to ask how the program ended up modeled after the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius. Fr. Dowling ended up becoming Bill's close friend and sponsor. Yes, Bill was influenced by Catholicism.

[/quote]

Oh, yeah, thanks for the correction! :o

So how DID the program end up being modeled after St. Ignacius?? I take it the Steps were already being worked when Fr. Dowling contacted Bill W.? So was it a Catholic nun or were the 12 Steps divinely inspired??

:confused:


#14

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:13, topic:224175"]
Oh, yeah, thanks for the correction! :o

So how DID the program end up being modeled after St. Ignacius?? I take it the Steps were already being worked when Fr. Dowling contacted Bill W.? So was it a Catholic nun or were the 12 Steps divinely inspired??

:confused:

[/quote]

Bill wrote the steps without any knowledge of St. Ignatius or his spiritual exercises. They are very close to the Oxford group's program. Because the program is so near the Oxford group's program, I think that Bill W's main contribution to Alcoholics Anonymous was the anonymous part. The Oxford Group was not anonymous. Also, the Oxford Group was not alcoholic exclusive. Their goal was to help Christians become better Christians. Anyone who wanted to improve was welcome. They didn't have the benefit of alcoholics helping other alcoholics.

I am not aware of input from a nun.


#15

[quote="MtnDwellar, post:14, topic:224175"]
Bill wrote the steps without any knowledge of St. Ignatius or his spiritual exercises. They are very close to the Oxford group's program. Because the program is so near the Oxford group's program, I think that Bill W's main contribution to Alcoholics Anonymous was the anonymous part. The Oxford Group was not anonymous. Also, the Oxford Group was not alcoholic exclusive. Their goal was to help Christians become better Christians. Anyone who wanted to improve was welcome. They didn't have the benefit of alcoholics helping other alcoholics.

I am not aware of input from a nun.

[/quote]

I still have to think that the program was divinely inspired. The Steps work for alcoholics, and drunks helping other drunks is a critical part. Bill W. had that part exactly right. Along with the anonymity.


#16

Al-Anon:thumbsup:
Bill W and Dr. Bob were the founders of AA. Sister Ignatia Gavin was a nun that helped Dr. Bob get Drunkards. She was very instrumental in early AA she started the first treatment centers. Thiers also a Catholic priest that was instrumental in AA. Fr. Dowling he was Bill W spiritaul advisor. the 12 steps are closely related to the spiritual excercise of St. Ignatius of loyola some 500 years ago. Thats why Fr. Dowling went looking for Bill W. any hoots, I’ll pray for you and your family and give Al-Anon a try.
I work in this field so if you need help please PM me. anytime.
with much love and peace.
jesus g


#17

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