All hope seems lost

The title here seems melodramatic but I assure you I am at the end of my rope.

Things are horrible right now. I am a physician, (well technically, although it seems I am of no use to anyone right now) and I have been with out work for 6 months. My wife and I have an 8 month old son and we are having to survive on my wives salary (that of a teacher).

This nightmare all began last October when I was in a pathology residency, which by all accounts has multiple deep seeded issues. I made a comment about our program director who consistently makes disparaging statements about us residents without having proof or the experience to back them up (a true statement which I stand by). Things like “you don’t work hard enough, and all you guys do is complain, and it only gets harder in the private world” are tough to take. Especially when they are all false. Needless to say many of us became very alienated due to these comments. Regardless I was the stupid one to open my mouth and instead of a slap on the wrist I got the guillotine.

So after this happened I was told that my year to year contract would not be renewed and I would be out of a residency position June 30th of this year. I continued in this horrible situation until May 22 of this year. At that time I was offered a position doing some assistant work with a local pathologist, however I only found out later that I had to obtain additional licensing before I could start. On top of that the red tape had made so I might still begin working there but I have not begun thus far.

At this point I am out of a job and I have a 2 month old son. Oh it gets better, shortly after this we find out the sabbatical that my wife was planning to take this upcoming school year has been cut due budget cuts. So we are now in a situation where she (who deserves and should be able to stay home with her baby) has to go to work, and then there is me who still can’t find a job. I am home instead of her. All the while trying to do anything and everything each day to make it ok that she is not able to be home with our son.

Currently I have reapplied to the residency match program, with the hopes of getting into another residency so I can finish my training. During this time I have not been able to find any kind of work, short of being a waiter (which I have found I am horrible at). We are out of money, I have already had to ask my father for several thousand dollars and he refuses to help out any more. I know my wife has feelings of resentment toward me because of the difficult situation we are in and I feel like we are being pulled further and further apart because of all of this. I know this is the least of my worries but we aren’t intimate any more (or at least haven’t been since most of this started). I cant say that I blame her I wouldn’t want to have sex with me right now either. I mean I get it she is tired, breast feeding takes it out of her along with work. It is like we are roommates and not husband and wife. I feel like if I could find some sort of work that I would feel useful again and things would begin to turn around. The problem is there is NOTHING out there! It is amazing I have 4 years of college, 4 years of medical school, and 2 years of residency training but no one will hire me because I don’t have the experience or the credentialing.

Finally this brings me to the title statement. I feel like all hope is gone because I am out of money with no idea where I am going to get money to pay off credit card bills, much less student loans. I feel like a failure because I can’t provide for my family, hell I can’t even buy my son a Christmas present for his first Christmas! I feel like my career is in a smoking crater in the ground with no hope of recovery. Most importantly I feel like the most important person in my life hates and resents me. I feel like I slowly loosing the love of my life and there is nothing I can do about it. I have been praying, pleading, beseeching God to give me some sort of glimmer of hope and there has been nothing. Like I said at the beginning this is month 6 going on 7 of this nightmare and I don’t know how much longer I can take it much less my wife. God I don’t want to loose her, I don’t my son to grow up seeing me unhappy, I just want things to be ok and work out. I just don’t know what else to do and I am out of ideas.


Praying for your situation.

St Francis Of Assisi:
Start by doing what’s necessary
Then do what’s possible
Suddenly you are doing the impossible.

I read your whole statement. I know you FEEL hopeless. But, looking at the facts more calmly than you, they don’t look hopeless to me. But the longer you keep taking this “hopeless” perspective on things, the longer it will take you to start making things better.

I don’t for one minute underestimate the challenges and difficulties you face. Not at all. I don’t dismiss them.

But consider this saying:

The Bible says that with faith all things are possible. But it doesn’t say all things will be easy.

For one thing, you have learned a key lesson. Supervisors, especially early in your career, can have profound effects on your destiny. Someone early in their career must never confront a supervisor. Well, now you know. I have made this mistake myself.

But now what? I’ve heard people say that when you experience a devastating loss as you have, one vital thing is to focus not so much on what is LOST but on what is LEFT.

From my point of view, what is LEFT are these things:

–You are still an exceptionally intelligent person.
–You are still young. Imagine your predicament if you were 50 or 60 years old.
–You are very well educated. Even if you don’t yet have all the licenses you need, many, many people are very impressed by people who’ve gotten an M.D. degree. Yes, I know you cannot practice medicine right now. But you do KNOW a lot about health, medicine, drugs, chemistry, biology, hospitals, etc. I believe there are employers out there who could use you in some capacity. You will get lots of rejection, since you don’t fit the standard model or package. But I think there are employers who could use you and would fee glad to have you. I used to work for a third-rate insurance company who had a “Medical Director” who was a M.D. who (for some reason I never heard) lost his right to practice medicine. Yet, the insurance company had him review certain medical claims to give his opinion about what the medical issue involved were, and to help the company defend its decision not to pay certain claims. That insurance company was pretty sleazy. But, I worked there. It wasn’t totally sleazy. The whole corporate world is not world of saints. My point is just that I don’t think your situation is so hopeless, and that you are just making things worse by repeating, “It’s hopeless.” It is difficult. It is not hopeless unless you say it is. Okay, you didn’t come on here for a lecture. I did hint at some practical ideas. I am not in the health care industry. But I do know that situations like yours come up quite a bit: Doctors who can’t practice medicine yet need to earn money somehow. The same thing happens to some lawyers who temporarily lose their license to practice law. Maybe you could enlist in the army or navy. I think the Navy Reserve takes people up to age 35. There’s also the National Guard. It would be money. How about being a pharmaceutical representative. Okay, I’m just brainstorming.

Here are some more temporary desperation jobs that I think might be somewhat easy to get, even in this difficult economy:

–Washing cars
–Security guard (I’ve done that one)
–Nighttime office cleaner

I was a waiter once, at T.G.I. Fridays. It was not easy for me. But I forced myself to become faster. Speed was the key. In the end, I was adequate.

Be cheerful as possible. Smile a lot. People like happy, confident, easy-going, agreeable, nonjudgmental people. Yes, fake these things if necessary. Women wear makeup and that’s fake, but it works.

Go to church often and pray, of course. Don’t expect a simple overt miracle, necessarily. But, in a Catholic Church, before the Holy Eucharist, God can penetrate into a heart and mind in special ways.

Okay, probably some of what I wrote was just useless and annoying. But was ANY of it any good to you? Did it give you any ideas?

God bless you sir.

***Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb,
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.



Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

Thank you a lot of that really helps. I think I often get into sort of a frenzy/panic mode at times thinking “I have to land a job TODAY” and when I don’t I find myself getting really down and well panicked.

Right now the hardest part is the waiting and wondering if and when things will turn around. Hopefully in 5-10 years I will look back on this and say “wow that sucked but we made it through”.


Praying my heart out for you and your family.

Praying for you and your family.

Praying for your intentions.

Mother Mary, please make your intentions in this matter come true. I entrust Roux to your loving care. May this trial bring Roux closer to Our Lord, and to you. I pray that Roux prays his rosary faithfully every day for the job and for the graces he needs, especially for the graces of perseverance and courage. Amen.

Praying for your situation, and that you may have hope in God’s never ending help, acceptance of what you can’t understand, and fortitude in bearing difficult crosses in life.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is
the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Amen, I couldn’t have said it better myself!!
Just came across this thread and I wanted to say I’m praying hard for you, my friend.

God bless you!

in prayers for u all, pray the blood of jesus… i am so sorry

Thanks so much catmom, and everyone I really appreciate it.

your very welcome, just remember God always has a plan. maybe he wants u to get into some different type of medicine like helping a poor inner city clinic ?

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

Oh glorious apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered thy beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused thee to be forgotten by many, but the Church honors and invokes thee universally as the patron of hopeless cases–of things despaired of. Pray for roux who is so miserable; make use, I implore thee, of that particular privilege accorded thee of bringing visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to his assistance in this great need, that he may receive the consolations and succor of heaven in all his necessities, tribulations and sufferings, and that he may bless God with thee and all the elect throughout eternity. I promise thee, O blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor thee as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to thee. Amen :signofcross::gopray::gopray2:

Our current doctor had trouble fitting into and sucking up to authority, too. He is an MD and his specialty is family practice though he is NOT board certified. He worked, happily, on an Indian Reservation (they are less fussy about details). He eventually moved and opened his own office, beholding to no medical group and delighted to accept MediCal (Medicaid in CA), and a sliding scale down to free for the most indigent. He has no nurse or medical assistants outside of his immediate family. It is not unusual for a patient to bring in a small dog for comfort while they wait. As you can imagine, a lot of waiting can take place in this kind of situation. We have insurance and could afford to go to a medical group MD, and have for years, but quite frankly, this guy is better than any we’ve found.

He is not rich, but he supports a large family in a very nice house in one of the nicer communities. He is beholding to no one but his own conscience.

He found his own way, and you will too.

I will be praying for your current situation. Please don’t lose hope. Despair will make it hard to see the direction the Holy Spirit is urging you.

Praying for your situation and your family. Please don’t lose hope.

Went on another “interview” yesterday. Turned out to be a favor for my grandfather and the guy didn’t really have any openings. Yet another dead end in a long line of dead ends. Bills are fast approaching and I guess I am going to have to beg another relative for a loan as my father has no intention of helping me out anymore. I feel very useless to my family right now.

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