I have a question that involves my niece. My sister and I don't know really how we feel about this totally. My niece is 14 years old and is suppose to get Confirmed this May. She picked me as her Sponsor because as she put it, "I am the most Catholic and spiritual." She comes from divorce parents and her parents had an ugly divorce and are still at odd. She has a lot of resentment towards her dad for always choosing his wife, he remarried right away, and her kids versus her and her brother. When he divorced her, he was wonderful and gave all the attention to her and her brother, but he would soon find another woman and back he went to giving them second place. He is living now with another girlfriend, but she likes this woman, but not her kids. She goes up and now on her feelings about her dad from hate to love. Her dad wants her love so much that he gives in to her desires. She usually does not go on visitations but lately she has been and when my sister tells her ex that it is very important that she goes to Mass, it is required for Confirmation, he ignores her and won't take her, so my niece has not been going with her father on Sundays so that she can make Mass, but this Sunday, she went with him when she had a chance to stay home and go to Mass. My sister told her that if she went, which was fine, to return for the evening Mass, but she called and said she would not be returning. I am her sponsor, as I said, and I have to attend once a month meetings with her and this last Thursday, I attended one with her. They are not long, only about 30 minutes. She told me she was going to the restroom and was in there for most of the time and when she came back out, she received a text and asked if she could answer the person back which was her dad's girlfriend and I said no to pay attention. She has no interest, it seems to be Confirmed. I found out while in the bathroom she was texting people. I know she is very angry at God for her parents' divorce and also for the child abuse that occured to her brother by her stepmom and her dad and the sexual abuse by the stepmom to her brother. My other sister drives her to Confirmation classes on Wednesday afternoons and she has told me that all she does is complain how she has to attend "these stupid classes and for what."
I had a talk with her and told her that if she did not want to get Confirmed and was not ready, for I don't think she is not, that she should not just do it because her mom wants too. She told me that she wanted to, but her action tell another tale. I asked her what was the problem and she said her teacher is so boring and so I asked her if I homeschooled her in Religion would that be better, for I use to homeschool her half a year, and she was so happy but that I had to clear it with the pastor. I talked to the pastor and he was not trilled with the idea. He does not understand homeschooling theology and felt she would not get enough religion and socialization. I told him that she is in public school and I would be only teaching her in that one class and the religion is very instance moreso than his program for I saw my niece's book. It was very watered down. He said he would think about it, but his answer was no later. He also felt my niece was not ready for she missed too many Masses. I told him that some were out of her control for when she goes to her dads, her dad won't take her to Mass. He asked if the dad would speak to him and I said he would not. He recommended that I speak to my niece about waiting another year or so until she was not so angry at God and took it more seriously.
After this weekend, when she had the opportunity to go to Mass and didn't choose to go but go with her dad instead, knowing full well that if she missed this Mass it may mean not getting Confirmed, she did it anyway. The pastor told me and my sister that if she missed any more Mass unless she was sick and didn't matter if the dad had her, she would not get Confirmed this year. She knew this and still choose to go with her dad. Her dad did not force her to go with him but gave her the option.
Her is my question: Should my sister just call the pastor and tell him that he should just make the decision that she is not ready to be Confirmed this year and because she has missed so many Masses that he has made the decision not to allow it. It is ashamed seeing she only had three more months of classes. We honestly don't think she is ready or taking it seriously. She textes during confirmation meetings. She complains about going to classes and calls them stupid. She hates going to Mass. If she can get out of going to Mass, she would do it. My sister fears that if she does not get Confirmed, she will never do so. I told her my husband did so as an adult in RCIA and maybe she will have to as an adult too.
What do you all think? Say something to the pastor or not. He may say something anyway when he sees that she missed Mass this weekend anyway.