Almost 40 and still single. Is there any hope? Someone PLEASE help


This is not meant to be superstitious or magical, but consider making a novena to St. Joseph.

My mom was 35, had not met anybody she wanted to marry, had turned down a few actually who she didn’t love, and had accepted that maybe marriage was not in the cards and she was okay with that. Her sister made a St. Joseph novena asking that my mom meet a good man. Mom met Dad within a couple months, completely out of the blue - he was on a business trip with some married guy she knew. They were engaged in two months, married within a year, and stayed happily together through all kinds of ups and downs till Dad died about three decades later.

Dad wasn’t a Catholic when they met, though he did convert, so don’t leave out that possibility when you’re looking. The bigger the pool of people you meet, the more likely you will find someone.


Some practical advice here.

Can you seek out older married couples who can mentor you? They can be from your church or relatives of yours. They get to know you and you get to know them and observe up close the marriage dynamics. Marriage is not all cuddles and long walks on the beach. There’s a lot of hard work involved. These couple, once they get to know you may introduce you to some eligible women.

In the meantime work on yourself so you have something to give to your future wife. Approach it from the point of view about what you can give to benefit your future spouse and not what you can take from her. It is about self-giving love after all.



You can’t always have what you want. Part of the lessons we grownups should have learned.


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In Colleen Campbell’s book My Sisters the Saints, she shared her difficulty with infertility when she wanted to have a baby badly. In a conversation with her mom, she said that she can accept not having a child, it’s the waiting that’s the struggle. Long story short, she did have babies and now has four children. She also mentioned that she doesn’t know why she received that good news of a phone call while many women who dream to be mothers don’t.

I can’t speak for the OP, but for me the difficulty is similar. If God would tell me outright, I am not calling you to marriage, so stop praying and hoping for it, I accept it and no longer give myself false hope of achieving what I desire. I would continue trying to live a happy and meaningful life. After all, it is the status quo and God knows what is best for me.

The problem is, how to know when to stop praying and hoping for it. Because if it were not to happen, then why spend time praying and hoping for it when I could have used the energy to pray for something more worthwhile. I guess those are the kinds of thoughts that crossed my mind.


That is the hard thing about praying and hoping for something that might not be in our cards to have. My original post may seem like I idealize marriage or being with someone to be the ‘end all’ of happiness, but I know it’s not.
I know God has his plans for my life and the internal struggles to combat what I desire and what is good for me is a part of life’s journey. I just struggle sometimes with accepting that. For instance perhaps I’m called to be an awesome aunt instead of a selfless parent… Hence the no husband and kids.
I agree with an earlier poster that asserted that marriage is not all Peaches and Cream, it’s not, and the OP I’m sure knows that, but us lonely sometimes hit the valley of our loneliness when we perceive ourselves flying low … I say let’s put on those cool wombat suits and base jump this life!


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Anyone know why this thread is unlisted?



Pray for a partner or peace of being single


We are human and Christian so we must approach our problems according to reason and Faith, and not according to our passions, or our sensitivities.
So as a Christian our salvation must be our only business. In this perspective, how does your celibacy jeopardize your salvation? and if indeed there are perils what makes you believe that marriage is a solution to these perils? Or, like almost everybody, are you looking for marriage only to satisfy your desire for “earthly” happiness?
The Christian must know that in order to go to Heaven he must generously accept the deprivation of certain “earthly” happiness that God imposes on him, that is what is called “carrying his cross”, if you persist without a reasonable motive, but only By passion to reject your cross, know that it is Heaven that you reject as well.


God has a plan.

But we don’t know what it is.

So, we pray.


[Joke: be careful what you wish for.]


I don’t want to seem harsh, but I’m a single 34 year old woman, and based on what you’ve said, I don’t think I’d be interested in dating you. You might be nearly 40, but you sound a little emotionally immature.

I don’t want to “complete” anyone. That’s not my job. If you’re that unhappy and lonely without a partner, it says to me that if we were to start a relationship, you’d expect me to make you my whole world, because you’ve never learned how to be comfortable by yourself. I’m not 16, and that’s not how I expect a marriage to work.

I read an excellent book once that explained one of the principles of Ignatian spirituality - that of being “equal-minded.” That is, that you are equally willing to accept any of the paths God might ask you take. You might think you want marriage, but perhaps finding happiness lies in accepting whatever God has in mind for you and not always fighting against it.


A friend of mine is 47 I think, she’s older than me. Married for 5 years, has two kids. A four year old boy and a three year old girl. Her husband is either 2 or 3 years older than her. they began dating and were married within a year.
There is always hope.


Yes, that part was particularly painful to read—I found it both profoundly disturbing and profoundly sad. I do hope the OP recognizes the grave immorality of such an act and how contrary it runs to the Catholic view of love and marriage.

I know that I am married and cannot relate completely, but I am always sympathetic to people in this boat. I had a very strong desire to get married ever since I had a crush on a girl in 2nd grade (who then moved away before 3rd grade and I pined over the idea of her for years). And I went through high school and early college as fairly socially awkward and clueless, always wondering when a girl would show interest in me and wondering when my “soulmate” would appear. And while in hindsight, that stage of my life seems quite brief, at the time it seemed never-ending.

I do think there is something to be said for letting go and not focusing on it so much. That’s what really got me out of the rut of wallowing in self-pity and unrequited love. Life doesn’t always (or ever?) go the way we plan for it to go.


I’ve pretty much quit praying about it. My mom says I’ve given up, which I suppose is true and that I have no faith, but I deny that. For as much as I’ve prayed about it in the past with no change unless something would happen that would make me feel worse than before, I’ve come to the conclusion that God doesn’t want me to find anyone and if God doesn’t want me to find anyone, then no matter how much I pray about it, it’s not going to happen. All praying about it does now is provide me with a false feeling of hope which will ultimately lead to me feeling worse than I did before I prayed about it.


Quoting for truth.


I’ve gone over all your posts in this thread. I’m surprised that your sentences are often in the passive voice or indicate your passivity (…unless something would happen that would make me feel worse than before; Every time something would happen that would lead me to believe things might be changing; the only way to change it is to not be lonely anymore. For some of us, that seems an impossible task; …if something good happens to you; I come home from work every day and just stay home because I can’t think of anything to do by myself…).

Essentially you have to make things happen. Things don’t just happen to you. Your buddies are married because they’re pro-active. Sometimes they’re led by their wives, but often they’ve made the first move.

There are tons of things that can be done in one’s recreational hours starting with eliminating television viewing. Developing a hobby would be one way to meet others even if you were alone most of the time you worked on it. Say you were to take up woodworking with a proper wood shop. You could sell one item on kijiji and discover there are women who will buy lovely wooden teaspoons or whatever. Or say, you took a second job on such as worker at the canteen at the local concert venue. There are many women working in the service industry. Basically, you shouldn’t stay home much if you’re looking to get married, unless it’s for a definite purpose, such as working on your hobby. The woman you want to marry won’t just happen to be in your home, unless of course you happen to hire a cleaning lady. That’s another way to get to know more women. Cleaning ladies tell their friends about the lovely guy for whom they clean house.

You really have to imagine what sort of woman you would like. Does she like staying home a lot. Why? Does she like sewing? Then start working at a fabric store. Does she like painting the house? Go and work at Lowe’s and sell paint at night. Or does she like the make up department at the mall? Then you go and work at the mall on Saturdays. If you haven’t thought about the hobbies your wife would likely have, you haven’t categorized women well yet. You may be thinking how she will look, but that is a common male mistake.

In my experience, many women are not ambitious. Do you want an ambitious woman? She would be out a lot when you came home from work. Do you want a university-educated woman? Do you want a woman who schedules her life or one who is spontaneous and can easily go where you would like? Do you want one who watches the tv shows you seem to like? She will likely be overweight. Head to the local co-ed gym and she may be trying to lose weight. Or work for Weight Watchers in your community.


There has been really a lot of practical wisdom in this thread that sees marriage and the single life from a truly faith-filled perspective. Thanks everyone!

Some may not agree. Not sure. But I think crosses are always presented to us wherever we are- all different sorts of crosses unique to each person. To some degree, being single when a fair portion of your soul still has a desire for marriage is indeed a cross of sorts, but perhaps, to one degree or another it can be a self-inflicted cross or at least a cross that we can in large part overcome as our relationship with God matures.


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