Almost homeless


#1

I am Heidi and 51 yrs old. I am disabled from a handful of chronic illnesses. I live with my daughter Mary. I have 2 daughters. About 2 months ago my daughter met a man much older then her. And she has decided to put her cats down and I am kicked out and she is going to travel for a year with him.He is a truck driver. Today my tv was shut off because she didn’t pay the bill. I have put in applications for subdivised housing,but there are waiting lists. I do not know what to do. I am so ill and scarred. If I end up on the streets it is a forsure death. I have tried talking to my parish priest;…that was a waste of time. I have tried talking to a social worker and all he said was if she gets physically abusive call the cops. Mary plays mind games with me. She tells me all the time I m going to die because I am getting sicker. She tells me my SSI money is really hers and she has taken money from me. I need a new sponsor for my SSI but I know no one here in OK> We moved here in Nov. I sold my car so we could afford to move here…under the promise from Mary that she would get me car here. I loaned her $$ for a car $22,000.00 4 yrs ago under the agreement she pays me $200 a month.Now she says she doesn’t owe me any money because she has paid more for rent and utilities then me for 4 yrs. I give her $300 a month for rent and she claims me on taxes,which is $2000 for her. When I sold my house in WI and moved to FL I had $94,000 and Mary got half of that over a period of a few months…I bought her a bedroom set and clothes,etc and housefold full of furniture for us because my x stole all my stuff. I would never of sold my car if she didn’t promise to get me a car. Now she says she owes me nothing and really she owes me $18,000. I am drained of everything and now that there is no more to take she is moving on to her next victim. I NEVER saw this coming with her.She was my baby. And was so kind until money ran out and she got the rest from my car.
Of course though,she blames me. She says I am a walking commentary and She doesn’t want me to talk to her except for 15 min. window after she gets home from work. She goes 4-5 days week to TX to be with her man. She says hurtful things ll the time. She tries and makes me think I am forgetful…because she takes me food and stuff and says I ate it…so I started to write down what I ate and then I had proof she was lieing. When I confront her on anything she blows up at me and then accuses me of yelling,which she is actually doing. She has convinced my other daughter in TX that I am a liar and mean and crazy…all the things she is. Her boyfriend want to “save” her from me and get her out of here as soon as possible.Pure craziness. All dramatic lies Mary has made up. I am 100% in bed. I am all alone and I can’t seem to get the help I need. I pray 24/7.I am so scarred to be homeless because I am so ill and I am so scarred of Mary. I am afraid for my life. Her dad got like this and tried to hire a biker to kill me when I filled for divorce,that is why I moved in the first place and that is when Mary started to live with me again once I got to FL. She said she wanted to come and help me because I needed it being chronically ill. Now I see the truth.She used me up and is throwing me away. She has 2 precious cats she has had for 4 yrs. they are old…10. Now she wants to kill them so she can travel. She wants no responsibility and this new man to take care of her.Mary is 30 and my other daughter is 32. I was a stay at home mom and loved then so much and did everything I could for them all their lives. Now they have turned against me.
ALL for greed and not wanting to help me. I am so sad ,angry and stuck. I do not know what else to do!!


#2

Your state is trying to pass elder abuse laws: ok.gov/newsroom.php?page_id=1584&type=1

Try contacting the people named in this article and see if they can help you. You may need a lawyer to protect your rights, and in some cases they may work for free.

You have access to the internet - use this to your advantage. Start doing your homework and call everyone in your county and state that you can possibly think of to get help. If someone turns you down, call someone else.

Don’t let yourself be a statistic. Don’t get all embroiled in the drama of your daughter’s bad decisions - stay focused and work on taking care of your own situation as much as possible.

Do a Google search for elder abuse in your state and see what comes up and start calling.

God bless you - and I hope things improve for you soon.

~Liza


#3

praying for you


#4

I hate to say this, but your daughter sounds heartless. To abandon her mother and kill her pets for a man just sickens me. Don’t blame your self. Some people are born sociopaths.


#5

I will keep you in my prayers and I hope that things get a lot better for you soon.


#6

Have you contacted the Diocese, Catholic Charities or the St. Vincent de Paul?

Prayers.


#7

I tried one place for abuse for elderly,but you had to be 62 or older. I m 51; I agree I need to keep serching and calling to see about help. Mainly I need a subdivised apt and help to move my household belongings,such as my hospital bed,furniture,clothes and kitchen supplies.I talked to my Archdioeses and catholic charities and they said they had nothing they could do for me.
Thanks for your encouragement!

Please advise me about this …a couple from Canada I know…well,. I asked them if they could take me in until I got a place there. They said that they do not want to cope with the emotional issues I would bring with me living there.Meaning my upset over what my daughter is doing. and in the past I would talk to them when I was upset about my daughters,for support.It was the beginning of all this stuff I am dealing with that is full blown. The man wrote me an e-mail and tried to make it like I was an emotional wreck and said,frankly I do not want to cope with that. And he said I was closed minded because I decided quickly I didn’t want to move to Canada,because I couldn’t get healthcare for 2 years and would have to pay for it. I would have no way to pay. He said that from me deciding so fast that I was closedminded and shut down any communication with him about canada.Well,yes I did shut it down after finding out what it would take for me to live there and I couldn’t possibly do it.At first they offered me to come live there at their house.This was before all this stuff with my daughters started. Then when I said I would take them up on it,this is when they got cold to me…and wrote me that I basically have too many emotional issues. I wrote back and said, before living with my daughter I was peaceful. They really like others to know they go to adoration and how much the wife suffers with an illness.Which is not much,but they makeit big. They would complain about the gov, their family,money,etc. I listened and was there for them. But now they have ended our friendship and basically accuse me of being a mess with too much to deal with.
I have always tended to be too hard on myself and it is rather easy for me to feel that I am not good enough. And from what he said…It plugged me in to those self judgements, So, I am writing what the facts are and would like an objective view point. Am I too much to handle? I really hate to be a burden to anyone. Now I feel like I am because I am going through this suffering right now. I just wanted some support. But they said they have always giving their opinion but they just can’t do it anymore. Yet they would call me once a week and complain about things from family to gov. I don’t get it? I am in the wrong here? He said that his wife has her own crosses to carry and she can’t carry mine too. Well, I do not want anyone to carry mine, I was only looking for support…like I gave them. Well, was I wrong? I don’t get it.


#8

Thanks for the link, I could spend hours there. I did write someone on there. I will keep looking.Thanks again


#9

If you don’t mind my asking, what is your illness? Why are you in bed 100% of the time?


#10

I have a severe case of pots desease. I have Congestive heart failure,4 times treated in hospital for it,the right side of my heart doesn’t pump right. I have to keep my legs/feet up ALL the time. I get such bad inflamation that the by the time I go to ER they get out 14 liters of fluids in 2 days. And I get edema in my stomach and movement causes me such bad cramps…it is like a charloe horse but instead of calves it is tummy. Which is worse. I have very blurred eye sight,constant candidis, tremors and about 50 other symptoms of pots. I have sleep apnea and even with a c-pap I stop breathing sometimes with it on,and it is as high as it goes. I have fybromyligia,I have a pocket in my lung lining that carries staff infection(MERSA) and I can not be operated on because of my pots being so severe. I have deterrioration of spine,neck and right leg and foot. I am in constant pain,even with pain meds. I get electrical shocks in my tongue,cheek lips that are very strong and painful.,symptom of my nuerological disorder. I have heat and cold intolerance. vertigo,very poor immune system. everytime I go out I get the flu or cold,etc. I react badly to most medicines. I will be holding a glass for example and it will just fall out of my hand. I can not walk more then 10 ft. or stand longer then 3 minutes…or I pass out…the is nuerological too. I have heart mur murs and skips. because of bad blood flow my liver is wearing out.I have GERD, COPD, asthma. and more. But that is enough!!


#11

Here is a link to Oklahoma VR

okrehab.org/


#12

My older daughter from TX is coming to pick me up…I want to go to TX…alll doors are closed here. But my other daugher,Mary is making it sound like too much work to help me set up in another state because I have moved twice with her.
It is NOT as big a job as she is saying.Right now
I NEED PRAYERS THAT HEATHER TAKES ME BACK TO TX AND I GET INTO A NURSING HOME. I CAN NOT LIVE AT HER HOUSE BECAUSE OF HER HUSBAND…BUT I WILL GO TO AN extended stay motel. I have money for 2 weeks for that.

PRAY PRAY PRAY
PRAY
PRAY

THANK YOU FAMILY!!!


#13

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. I have felt similarly trapped in life before, myself. Is there no one you can call on to help you? Someone mentioned a lawyer who would work pro-bono to assist you in your moment of need. I think that’s a good idea. Also, get control of your SSI and all other sources of income ASAP. Start there, and I think you’ll discover more options. Good luck. You’re in my prayers. Hang in there. Christ will see you through.


#14

Hopefully your other daughter can help! My mother hit the same problems. When you are not in your 60’s a lot of services often don’t apply! My mother has power over her checks, etc… but I don’t know about how it works in your situation. I know where my mom lives there are housing places that work with those on SSI, but I think it varies state by state.

Take a look at disabilityinfo.gov/ hopefully it will help.


#15

You mention that you get SSI, but try and apply for Social Security disability as well. With all your medical problems, you should qualify. You may need to fight to get it and need a lawyer to do that for you, but it is possible. They almost always deny everyone, even someone who is bedridden. I got it after many years of fighting with SS to get it. I did not qualify for SSI, but did for the disability one. I am only 43 years old and got it since I was 41. When you are disabled and can’t work, you need financial help. I would apply for the SS disability after you decide which state you are going to live in and take control of that check and not one of your daughters.

I will pray for you and all that is happening to you. I think it is terrible the way your daughter is treating you, but it happens. I have a friend who was a home health aide, which I think you qualify also for and it is free, and she would tell me horrible stories of how sons and daughters would get their parents to sign the check over to them and than use all their money on themselves. She was disgusted and tried to help these elderly people by reporting the abuse. Of course, these people were much older than you are. But abuse is abuse no matter what your age is. I am so sorry you have to go through this.


#16

Agreed! I was confused. My mom was on SSI then got disability. You have more options when on disability status. You will need a lawyer. After my mother was turned down twice, we got a lawyer. The lawyer said that it wan’t unusual and most cases (up to 90%) are turned downt the first time. You will be able to find a lawyer that will only collect fees if you actually get approved - they’ll take the pay from the back-pay you will receive. It’s worth it!


#17

Copied from the Prayer Intentions section of the forum, a post I just made there:

Update:

Have spoken with jollyoki by phone. The good news is that her daughter has picked her up and brought her to Texas, so at least she is out of the apartment where she had to live with a complete stranger in circumstances of no security and questionable safety.

That said, jollyoki still needs URGENT prayers !!!

The situation is that she is currently in a hotel, until the money runs out. Who knows what will happen after that? Please pray that a good nursing home will accept jollyoki VERY SOON so that jollyoki will have a safe place to live.

Thank you everyone for your continuing prayers, and God bless you all for your help … PLEASE KEEP THE PRAYERS COMING !!!

~~ the phoenix


#18

My daughter here in TX brought me to a nursing home appointment. They said I do not meet the regulations for entering a nursing home. Basicallly…you need demensia(SP?) or other illnesses that effect your mind and/or memory. The administrator was very sorry…she said she sees this all the time…people like me who need physical help but have no where to go.
My daughter yells at me for being in this situation,but I know she really knows it is not my fault she is so frustrated.
She paid for one more week at an extended stay motel for me and she said there is nothing leff of her charge card for another week. I have been talking with Tulsa housing and Texas housing and they are working together to try and help me.

But at first my doctor’s office was going to release my records to them but changed their mind and said I had to sign the release paper even though I called them and told them I am in TX and everything going on. SO…HOPEFULLY the paper gets to my daughters house NOW and then we can fax it back right away and then there is still a big maybe for a nursing home in OK.
My daughter is going to go look at an apt today. IF I get that that would be great,even though it will eat up my whole SSID check…at least I would have a place.
Basically alot of buracreacy ****…and government taking programs away from the disabled.
I have a horrible toothache and my I think one tooth is dieing. I have had a few root canals and it feels the same. It cost sooo much money here for an extraction and any free or cheap clinic you first have to come in a do paperwork,then you get on a list and they told me they are not any appointments to january.
I feel the infection down my side of neck and just in my upper chest area. Not good!!
I am fevered and have chills. I can not get into a doctor in TX for 2 months because I am new patient. Also no money for that here.
I keep having trouble with my cell phone…call daily to the company about it.UG!
I really have had enough.
I have asked so long for prayers…but I NEED them even more now!! THank you for caring and praying.

God bless you
Jollyoji


#19

It is tragic that you have two adult children who will not take their own mother into their home to care for her. That is horrible.

Have you contacted the Diocese where you are, the Saint Vincent De Paul Society, the Knights of Columbus, your own Parish Priest?

Here are some resources in Texas:

**Ruff House Ministries

**4510 Langdon Road
Dallas, Texas 75241
Phone: 972-225-7255

Provides emergency shelter accessible to disabled, three meals a day, laundry facilities, furniture, clothing, job referrals, counseling and medical assistance.

Brady Center Catholic Charities 972-293-2822

This website contains the above and many other resources for Dallas:

dansatx.org/housingassistance.htm


#20

I do get disability too.
I contacted catholic charities in tx as well as in OK. Honestly,they made things worse then better. They are all talk no action and smooth words. I never never expected that from catholic charities. But in 4 states I have lived in,all are useless in my opinion.
Diocese always refer you to Catholic charity. and I also wrote Bishops,call priests,etc. NO HELP!
YES, it is terrible my 2 daughters won;t take me in. But just as awful is NO Christian will take me in.We are all brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus. And Catholic Charities should not use the name Catholic. I was told from a man there that you do not ask McDonalds to cut your lawn…just as you do not ask Catholic charities for a car or apt. Well, I didn’t ask for that. I asked for help with transportation,which I was told they would do and did not. For example,.they were suppose to pick me up at the hospital and bring me to the lady’s house I was living with. They didn;t call or come. They said they would do anything I needed to help me…in my first conversation to them…but EVERYTHING I asked for they did not help me with. ALL I got was a short list of HUD apts. in my e-mail box.AFTER I told them I applied to every hud and section 8 apt in tulsa…which is like 30 of them.
I heard about catholic charites being bad…first hand I can agree. and I have contacted the one in WI,FL,OK,TX. all were the same.
I think if you want some personal therapy they possibly can help. But that is about it.
Also,what happened to priest,Bishops.,etc I know they are busy people.YEt they are also suppose to be busy helping the poor and homeless. It appears this is not the case in many instances.
I love my church,but I see there is much room for improvement when it comes to people.


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