Alternatives to revenge


I may think about it but I never act out revenge. Instead I whine or talk about a conflict until it is dead in the ground. I am never one to move on from situations easily or quickly. I wish I was one to promptly seek revenge and then move on instead of torturing myself with over thinking, dwelling and rehashing an incident. This behavior only hurts me. At least with revenge you are given the satisfaction of hurting the other person. You are not wasting your time like I am. What are alternative coping mechanisms?


The art to moving on is letting go, giving your frustrations or even anger to God, and then not take it back. I struggle a bit with this same thing so I get it.

A couple of ways you could try is to journal your thoughts about the situation. You can let it all out and then destroy it if you choose. There have been times I’ve written scathing, hateful, letters to the person I’m frustrated with. Of course I never send them but the act of writing it allows me to get it out. Another way is to pray for that person, actually name them and ask God to bless them. We can’t hate people we pray for.

And FYI - revenge is never satisfactory long term. There may be a moment of satisfaction but over time all you’ve done is lower your standard of behavior.


What else can we do. Give ourselves to God. Amen.


In the ten years since my son’s dad told me he wanted a divorce, I have had, well, a few moments of being furious with the man. :whistle:

My friend recommended, that I pray for him. Horton gives good advice in that.

But when I was really hurting, I prayed that God would make him a Saint. It seemed to me that would be the ultimate revenge. He’d have to face the things he did, repent, feel deep remorse, probably embrace a penitential life… Ah, how sweet that would be…

OK, so to be honest, those prayers are probably not doing a whole lot of good for anyone – but they’re better than cursing him or arguing with him. And now that we’re able to get along well (it’s been ten years, after all), I can actually pray for his conversion and repentance with a pure heart.

Well, I’ll keep you in my prayers anyway :slight_smile:


Bolding mine - This is great. I have one of “those” guys in my past too. By the grace of God I realized who he really was before marrying him. I should pray for him to make a good confession and return to a life of grace in the Church.


There was a time, after my sister’s death that I hated her husband. I had to quit hating him because I loved my nieces and nephew to much to carry that around with me. My prayer became, “Dear God, Don’t ask me to love this man but take away the hate.” As the years have passed, I have come to, if not love, genuinely care for him.

Also, remember the old saying, “Resentment and hatred is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”


A coping mechanism I use is thinking of an image of our Lord’s head crowned with thorns.


All of those feelings can be eliminated when one looks OUTWARD from oneself.
there’s hungry people that need feeding, children with special needs that need tutoring, elderly that need visitors. Stop thinking about yourself.
Get busy with the Lord’s work. Be the hands and feet of Christ.
Whining. Probably the most unattractive and non-useful enterprise.
Just quit it. You can do it Every day you post about how awful you are.
Only you can change this attitude you have about yourself. Do good work, selfless work. And you’ll fell better about yourself and everyone else
Past hurts/disappointments will cease to matter to you.
Be there for someone ELSE for a change.


One of my friends is able to forgive and forget rather easily. He does not hold on to things for that long or at all. God bless him. Maybe sensitive people get hurt deeper. Hating this person is just too easy. I think I would move on quicker if I did not have to deal with them daily.


Kindness is not that hard. :shrug:


Pray for the person each time your thoughts start heading into resentment and vengeance. Also pray for God to help you. The feelings you have are temptations to sin, treat them as such. (I have done this and it works!)


Harsh but true. I think people, OK ME, get trapped in my own problems. There is a whole world outside that I am neglecting.


Who said I was not kind? I never retaliate. I hold on to anger which is not good. Second of all, most virtues take hard work and do not come so easily.


Wasn’t it a clergyman who said “Living well is the best revenge”? :slight_smile:


Excellent! Thanks be to the grace of God.


Pray for the other person. Pray, pray, pray. And then pray some more. Works for me.


A wise man once said

“The best revenge is massive success.”

Apparently he also said “Orange is the happiest color”…which doesn’t really pertain to this situation, but I thought it was funny.


Just looked it up, it was George Herbert, an Anglican poet and clergyman. Good for him! And yes, thanks be to God. :thumbsup:


Have you tried doing good things for your enemy?

Quite often, it can be a pretty good revenge.

St. Paul had good reason to say that doing so would “heap burning coals upon [his] head.”


By rehashing the incident and obsessing over it- as you acknowledge, you’re hurting yourself. You’re actually cooperating and becoming an accessory with the other person in additional damage to yourself.

As someone else already posted,
“Living well is the best revenge.”

Concentrate on living well, forgive and pray for the other person. Forgive as you hope to be forgiven by God. Which will also free you from the other person continuing to have a hold on you via your rehashing/obsession.

Christ’s peace be with you.

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