This is a long story, but I will shorten it as best I can.
My husband and I live in TX and my son, from a previous marriage, lives in PA. He is 31 years old, married and has 2 young children. We, my husband and I, usually spend 3-6 months each summer in PA visiting other relatives. However, ever since my son has been married and had children he has become a different person. For the first 3 1/2 years of their marriage his wife refused to leave her mother’s house. She was a spoiled child and they gave her everything. They had a baby right away and that first summer that we were there we were only allowed to see him at her mother’s house. My son was not allowed to take him anywhere without her. They had some serious problems, which are too numerous to get into, but everytime he would leave her, she would tell him he was not allowed to see his son. So he always went back. This went on for a couple years…him leaving and going back…and then they had another baby. He told us that she hated us and any gifts we sent (birthdays, Christmas, etc.) she threw them away. I got to the point I didn’t know what to do. Should I send a gift or not? Then my son quit calling me. I’d hear stories about her physically abusing him and I worried about his safety, but I had no way to get in touch with him. I’d call her mother’s and she would tell me he wasn’t home. I don’t think she ever told him I’d called. About a year ago, they finally got an apartment and he called to ask for money for a washer and dryer. I told him I didn’t have it to give him so he called my mother in MI and she sent it to them…which I learned later that his wife used it for something else. Anyway, he hasn’t spoken to me since. He only gave me a P.O. Box for his address so I had been sending the kids cards there. We were in PA last summer and was not allowed to see the kids at all. We did not go to PA this summer but I think the same thing would have happened. Then last week I got email from his wife telling me what a terrible grandmother and mother I was. Needless to say, I lost it and told her what I thought of her. Now she says my son thinks I’m a “nutcase” and doesn’t want anything to do with me and I’ll never see my grandchildren again. I’ve been so upset about this. Is there anything anyone can suggest that I should do?? I know I should give it to God and let Him take care of it, but what hurts is…am I a bad grandmother and mother???