Am I a chauvinist pig?


#1

Greetings fellow Christians!

I work for a company that is 80% women and in a building that is full of young, professional women. At times in the elevator and in the office, I overhear discussions between women on day-care issues, both positive and negative. I can’t help but think to myself - shouldn’t you be at home raising your young children?

Now I know that sounds judgemental, and ofcourse, I know that every person’s situation is different (I believe single mom’s are more likely to NEED day care services). But is it wrong for me to believe that, in general, married women, who are not the sole providers for their family, should be at home raising their children, instead of relying on day care services?

I have 5 children and in the early years of marriage we had to use day care services for three years. But once # 3 came along, my wife was able to stay at home with #3 and then 4. For #5,my wife worked part-time and then we utilized grandmas to stay at home with #5. Now #5 is in an MDO, much to my chagrin (my wife wants to work full time).

I still believe that, IN GENERAL, married mothers should stay at home and raise children directly, until the chldren hit school age. So I ask - Am I a chauvinist? Am I behind-the-times, old-fashioned, and terribly mis-informed?

Thank you for your opinions!

Sincerely in Christ,
Corrgc


#2

No, I wouldn’t call you a chauvinist pig…
But I do think you may lack some charity in how you view others. :o

Why do you assume that all working mothers are working because they *want *to?
Why do you assume that all working mothers have husbands with the same financial means and family support systems that you have?

There are some assumptions there that are being made based on your own personal situation.
Just because YOUR wife would prefer to work, that certainly doesn’t mean all working mothers would prefer their state in life (hello - nice to meet you, I would LOVE to stay home!!)…
Just because YOU make enough money to support your large family in a comfortable home that happens to be near extended family doesn’t mean all working mothers have the same luxuries (we have family nearby - all grandparents are still working… and our house is literally falling apart)…

Just open your heart to a little more charity before judging by outward appearances. :o


#3

I don’t think it is chauvinistic at all to believe that it is best for married mothers to stay home and raise their own children. I personally believe it too. It sounds like you understand that not every mother can or even wants to, so I don’t think there’s any basis for claiming you judge people or are uncharitable. It’s a very touchy subject though, so no matter how you say it you’re probably going to get flamed by some people.


#4

Perhaps, but perhaps not. You don’t know their personal circumstances.

This is not Church teaching and never has been. So, in the sense that you would declare people “right” or “wrong” based on your opinion-- yes it is wrong of you to believe that way.

I think you are misinformed.

In the history of the human race the idea of the “stay at home mom” who does not work outside of homekeeping is an **invention **of 1950s America. You cannot look back further in time and find this concept held up as the ideal, and prior to the 20th century this concept is virtually non-existent except for possibly the super-rich/royalty who had nurses and nannies but due to their class did not “work”. But even high born ladies of the earlier centuries worked as the stewards of their household, guiding all aspects of the work involved in keeping a large estate.

Read Proverbs 31. The worthy wife is a successful entrepreneur. **All **people worked to survive. Women worked (Ruth worked in Boaz’s fields). Women supported families. Women farmed, had craft-based businesses, etc. St. Therese of Liseux’s mother supported their family with an extremely successful lace business in Alecon, France, in which she employed many young women.

The difference is that in the 19th and 20th century, jobs moved from guilds and home-based, or small town industries in which women worked and did their child-rearing **simultaneously **(children often helped in the work or work revolved around a seasonal calendar and included going home for extended periods for meals-- still common in Europe-- and also may have been done at night or etc) to a **separation **of these functions brought on by industrial manufacturing-- and now with the information age, the “office job.”

Additionally, rarely did people move far from where they wree born. Extended families banded together to provide adequate child care for an entire group of people. Today Grandma is likely to live 1000 miles away-- or in many cases Grandma would rather be playing tennis or living in Florida for the winter rather than keeping her grandkids. The concept of the extended family all pitching in and keeping kids (for free!) is literally almost gone in our society.


#5

We have two kids. When #1 was born 13 years ago my wife worked part-time weekends and evenings. Same thing when #2 came along. A few years later I was laid-off and we switched work patterns. #2 has a physical handicap, so my being home helped. The state govt stepped in and offered in-home care for him and now we are both working full time and growing our careers. I work in the religious ed dept at our parish, so my hours a little more flexible and I can be available for Dr appointments and meetings at school.

Because of my position I see and know many-many families. There is an even break between stay-at-home and working moms. No group holds an advantage over the other.


#6

It would be great if every mom could do that but the reality is people have to work harder these days just to get by. I work several jobs just to make ends meat and I’ve never been married or had kids. I don’t think the homemaker option is there anymore for most people because of the bad state of the economy these days. Keep that in mind. :shrug:


#7

I think that the root of the problem is that we have raised our standards of living much higher than they need to be. Big homes, extra cars, etc. I remember growing up in the '50’s. We had what I then considered a nice, comfortable, wood-framed home. My grandparents and relatives had similar homes. Not grandiose, but sufficient, and comfortable. And we only had one car in the family. Some of my mother’s relatives didn’t have cars. They walked to go to church, get groceries, etc. We also didn’t have TV. My dad bought the first one in town eventually. But before that, everyone gathered at the end of their day (work/school) at my great grandmother’s house. All the kids played outside (big games of hide-n-go-seek, etc.), while the adults chatted inside. There was much more family interaction than we have these days, sitting in front of the TV for hours on end. We’re missing something. It seems we’ve traded “luxuries” of big brick homes, lots of toys, etc., for peace and family time. Bad trade. Now, as a society, we’ve become slaves to our possessions. Gotta have a good job to afford all this stuff, then instead of spending time with the family, we spend time maintaining it all and resting from earning money to pay for it all. That’s upside down and a big contributing factor to single-parent families, divorce, drugs, etc.


#8

Hi , I don’t think you are chauvinist at all. I have 3 kids and I work part time at night so my husband can be home with the kids. I would love to be home full time b/c my joy in life is being with my family, but eventhough we don’t live an extravagant lifestyle, if I didn’tt work at least part time, we would not be able to afford basic things. I make a very good part time salary. But b/c I work nights, I am home with them after school, all day and than Dad is with them at night so they are never without their parents. I sacrifice good sleep so I can be with them. Our society today downplays parental supervision and quality time. When I was growing up in the 80’s, my mom worked full time, she was never home after school and i got into so much trouble b/c i had no supervision.


#9

I wouldn’t say “chauvinist.” Maybe “unrealistic.” It’s very difficult to afford to raise a family on one income these days. Those who can are very fortunate. How do you know that these women wouldn’t stay home if they could?


#10

I reject the feminist concept of ‘male chauvinist pig’ altogether.

Feminism has wrought large-scale destruction to virtually every strata of society. And motherhood is one of the most sacred callings in all of life.


#11

People often forget that the American worker in the 1950s made, on average, four times what his/her closest foreign counterpart made


#12

[quote="Lutheranteach, post:11, topic:211152"]
People often forget that the American worker in the 1950s made, on average, four times what his/her closest foreign counterpart made

[/quote]

Well, it depends on what foreign country they came from. Keep in mind that this country has usually done well economically during wartime and soon thereafter. Industry hires lots of people to make munitions, etc. That being said, my dad earned $10/week in an office job. We lived in a small shotgun house, with a small yard, but we ate well and were happy and healthy.

A lot of the countries in Europe were recovering from the ravages of WWII, still. And many were hungry during that time.


#13

**Unless the children are starving & would be homeless, any mother working instead of being there for her babies is a sad & avoidable travesty!

Why do we listen to the lies of the evil one & miss out on the one & only childhood of the precious babies we are given by Jesus so we can have a nice dinner at a restaurant, a vacation, a new car, a larger house..., etc??????

when we die, & are standing alone in total honesty in front of Jesus, He will not ask "How big is you're 401K? your house? your car?........"

He will say to us; "And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me.'" (MT 25:40)**

Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, Ora Pro Nobis Peccatoribus!

mark


#14

[quote="corrgc, post:1, topic:211152"]

Greetings fellow Christians!

So I ask - Am I a chauvinist?
Thank you for your opinions!

Sincerely in Christ,
Corrgc

[/quote]

Well - you don't think that yourself since you addressed us all as fellow Christians.

But I'll have you know that we true Chauvinist Pigs never ask what other people think about us anyway. In all probability you are safe...
Besides it's really an exclusive club - by invitation only. I don't think you'd meet our higher requirements.... ;)

BF


#15

[quote="Sailor_Kenshin, post:10, topic:211152"]
I reject the feminist concept of 'male chauvinist pig' altogether.

Feminism has wrought large-scale destruction to virtually every strata of society. And motherhood is one of the most sacred callings in all of life.

[/quote]

You took the words right out of my mouth!:)


#16

I do think for you to make a general statement was wrong. There are a lot of circumstances at play and you really don’t know the motive in their heart for them to work.

I am however very baffled about the statement, woman should be at home until the kids are in school. I think teenager need their parents more than infants. Anyone can change a babies diaper, but a teenager is being pressured to do drugs, shop lift, have sex, they need their parent. After a long day at work, parents have very little energy to listen sympathetically to their teenagers peer pressure problems

CM


#17

While I think you are right about teenagers, infants need mommy, not some anonymous daycare worker.

And mommy needs baby. Sometimes it seems like an entire generation has not learned how to parent.

The mommy-baby bond is necessary, and God Himself put it there. Who knows what problems arise if an infant gets handed over to a new set of strangers every day?


#18

I think you are 100% wrong. The most important personality formative years are the first 2-3. A mom belongs home with their infants during this period. The man of the house should be able to sustain the family for a few years on is own income and family savings if necessary. The working mom thing does not work. Most kids I grew up with who’s moms worked turned out pretty badly. Some working moms tried to compensate by buying gifts and spoiled them.

BF


#19

Sometimes we judge without knowing all the facts.

My mom used to babysit the infant of a couple I went to school with. The wife always said she needed to work to make ends meet but between ourselves we always questioned that: new car, boat, snowmobile, etc. We always scoffed at the idea that she NEEDED to work, we figured she worked so they could afford the toys.

Many years later I discover that in fact she alone was responsible for feeding and clothing the family. Not a penny of his salary did he spend on the family, the toys were his and his salary went there and if the kids, after they grew up and left home, came over for supper they had to bring their own meat for the BBQ because she didn’t make enough money to cover the ‘special event’ of hosting them at dinner.

She would much rather have stayed home with the babies but he made her go to work.


#20

You might be a chauvinst pig if you overhear these conversations and then go onto treat the working mothers that you encounter in your career as inferior to you or inferior to other childless women.

I don't necessarily agree with your opinion though that mothers should stay home with their children though. Its not an easy decision for families and sometimes the decision is made out of necessity and sometimes its not. Personally I don't think there is any advantage over working or staying at home. There are some women that do stay at home and still make lousy mothers, there are some mothers that work and the family thrives not only survives. As long as the family actually discerns the situation, weighs all the options. Its the mothers that never give it any thought one way or the other that bothers me.

I've seen stay at home moms that boost about being at home and then constantly stick their child in some kind of mommy's day out or a drop in day care because of their social activities. There really isn't much difference then between the child who's mother stays at home and the child who's mother is at work in some situations.


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