Am i a homosexual?

I was recently accused by several of my close friends of being a homosexual. This stunned me quite deeply, i was distraught. I am interested as to how far the definition spreads.
Me and my boyfriend don’t have sex or anything, as it is against our strict faith, but we do hold hands and kiss and stuff… are we condemned to hell for this? in the bible says it is a mortal sin for a man to lie with a man as a man lies with a woman… we never do that stuff… are me and Bruce breaking the holy law even so?

Bless you, Aaron xxx

I don’t want you to go to much into your personal relationship so, Ask yourself this… If a married individual does with a non-spouse what I do with my boyfriend, is he/she cheating on said spouse?

cheating, maybe, by our modern standards - but by biblical standards, i don’t think it would count as adultory or a mortal sin. so what me and bruce do must be ok in the sight of the lord :slight_smile: thanks mike
Bless you, Aaron xxx

You can find good advice at

Yes. It is not natural and is disordered for two people of the same sex to have sexual desires for each other. Kissing and holding hands are pre-cursors and preliminaries to sexual acts. In the case of you and Bruce, you are proceeding down a path that will lead to grave immorality. Soon, by your preliminary acts of homosexuality, you will justify and rationalize further and further down the continuum until you have crossed the line.

But… we have no desire to anally penetrate each other… or any other sexual act for that matter… we’re just very close friends… i don’t think it’ll ever get more intimate than this… are we currently in a state of sin or not?!

Bless you, Aaron xx

Hey Aaron,

I’ve had some “emo” classmates who do these kinds of things (kiss guys and hold hands) and they claim they are not homosexual and desire nothing beyond that kind of display of affection. They also claim to like girls. I don’t know what’s up with that really, or whether this is the type of thing you yourself are into, but from a Catholic perspective, mortal sin against the virtue of chastity involves a whole range of actions and thoughts that do not involve anal sex.

This means that other things such as impure thoughts, masturbation, foreplay (touches meant to arouse sexually) outside of marriage etc., are seriously sinful according to the moral code of the Church, and should not be indulged in. Now, we don’t know whether this applies to you specifically, so it may be more appropriate and beneficial for you to discuss this with a priest in confession…

Well holding hands in western culture signifies homosexuality between two men. But not in some eastern countries, where it’s quite normal and having nothing to do with homosexuality. Same with kissing, in my country it’s normal to greet a man or a woman with a cheek to cheek kiss, in some arab countries, male arabs greet each other with the rubbing of noses, known as kushmak, note (NOT KUS UMAK)

However where you live, it is deemed as homosexuality. Before we start to get all theological here, why do you kiss him? And I believe you mean kissing on the lips? And I don’t know of any cultures which men kiss men on the lips but why do you do it, what are your feelings towards him, and why do you hold hands.



No. Your not homosexual.

** We are all heterosexual with various potential to be tempted by deviant sexual desires**, and right now you are on the threshhold of a more serious relationship. You even admit to a (spiritually unhealthy) sexual element in your relationship.

No one “IS” a sin. In other words you should never identify with your temptations. The identity is a ruse which facilitates your frustration and you giving up.

Your sexual attraction to your friend is not what God wants by any Faith.

You need to get off that road that you are on and do a lot of prayings and distancing yourself to the occasions of this sin. You need to make new friends and sever your ties to your partner. The Rosary and frequent confession will help you and show promise. You need to trust now, and a spiritual advisor will be an immense help to you.


instead of discussing your personal life here, including details which are none of anyone’s business but your own and on topics banned by forum rules, why not, if you are sincere about hearing Church teaching on this topic, go to the courage site given above. We don’t need to know this. If there is any area of your life that causes you temptation and sin, your place is in the confessional, and this is not one. If there is any area of your life where you are being led by misguided friends, you need guidance from a place that has your best interests at heart, that sees the whole man, not just a couple of body parts, and defines you as an individual created and loved by God in His image, not as a being limited and defined solely by sexual orientation.

Thank you to all who have participated. This thread is now closed.

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