Hello all, sorry I havn’t posted before…I’ve meant to introduce myself but I’ve mainly been a lurker
I’m a new convert, my husband is not. I’ve tried to talk to him about what I’m doing, he says well I’ll have to look into it. Yet no effort has been put into it. Our son goes to Catholic school, so it wouldn’t be too hard for him to find information. However, this is the least of my concerns at this moment.
We have been married for five years and have been through everything. His family business collapsing and us getting stuck with $300,000 in debt, infertility, infedility (not on my part), false accusations as foster parents, anything you can think of. Then add on top of that I am a recovering bulimic/cutter/rape survivor.
It used to be that we worked really well together, always supportive, just…we were just us. We were THAT couple… Then I started therapy to attempt to deal with the issues stemming from the rape. That triggered the eating disorder and the cutting again, and during that time I lost 85 pounds. Rather than attempting to understand what was going on, my husband decided that I must be doing this for another man and now uses it as a weapon against me. I cannot leave the house without a child that is able to speak, he goes through my phone, I cant finish school,I cant talk to anyone (male or female) that he doesnt act nasty and suspicious, goes through my facebook, internet history,wants me to quit my job, drives by my work to “make sure I made it ok”, etc etc. Last night he got SO mad because he again went through my phone and found that I had been texting my friend Jill. He has never had a problem with her before, but now all of a sudden, I don’t care about him because I was talking to her and not him. He says he didn’t know I was cutting again, didn’t know I was restricting my food again… and then it happened. “You don’t ever want to have sex with me”.
I don’t feel like I’m doing anything wrong by talking to a friend. If anything, my feelings are hurt that he doesnt know me well enough to know that something is wrong until I have no interest in sex. It always gets turned around on me. As if I dont have enough guilt about being raped and everything after that…now it’s my fault that my marriage is falling apart because I tried to deal with it, all this stuff came up and I’m not handling it well.
I feel like I’m completely alone. The person that used to be my best friend only wants me to be ok so that he can have sex. What am I doing so wrong to be treated like a prisoner…
He also adds in that now all of a sudden I want to change and be Catholic too. I tried to find peace in the church, I know that I cannot get through this without God’s help. Why is it being used as a weapon against me now?