Am I allowed to do this in a relationship?


#1

Hello everyone…

This might sound silly to you guys, but I don’t know what to think and that’s why I wanted to ask you all:)

Well if you have a boyfriend and you both plan on getting married later on and it’s a serious relationship…is it wrong to show yourself in bra to your boyfriend? Not like touching or anything, but like walking out of the shower or something with your bra on?

I feel weird about it and I don’t want to commit a sin before marriage…that’s why I’m asking what you guys think:)

Appreciate all the answers…thanks in advance:hug3:


#2

Let him see you in your bra after you’re married. This would be too tempting, and why is he in the room when you shower?


#3

Well he wasn’t in the room, but I just asked because I wanted to know this:)

So I can be sure what I’m doing…


#4

I think this would be a “near occasion of sin.” It’s definately immodest (I know, you’re just as covered as you are in a bikini, but I personally don’t think that’s appropriate attire for a post-pubescent unmarried person, either, and a married woman shouldn’t be seen by any males other than her spouse and small children in one, but then I’m a fuddy duddy :o), and could cause your fiance to sin by lusting in his thoughts. Just not a good idea overall.

In Christ,

Ellen


#5

Jaffna,

If you didn’t want to go over a cliff, why would you pull your car up to the edge and rev the engine?


#6

If it’s a source of temptation for your bf, DON’T DO IT.

If it isn’t… :shrug: Then I dunno, this is something I wonder about myself.

You might want to check out www.godofdesire.com, there is some neat stuff about purity there.


#7

Advice from a guy;

NO! Don’t do that, ever. That’s probably the worst thing you could do (short of just having sex). If you want him to respect you truly, keep yourself very modest around him. As much as it may be possible he could be entirely fine with it (I would be, as in not lusting or anything), you must keep up barriers. Like the poster before me, you don’t drive near a cliff to stay away from a cliff.

Here’s a story;

The king of a country was looking for a man who could drive his carriage, and there were three men vying for the position. The first man said, “You royalty, I know I’m the best man for the job, because I can drive right up to the cliff and stop within ten feet.” The second man said, “I can do better than that. I can stop within five feet.” The third man said, "Your royalty, I may not be able to stop within five or even ten feet of the cliff, but I promise that if you hire me I will stay as far away from the cliff at all times."
Which man did the king hire? The third, who would stay away from the cliff.

Moral? Keep away from the edge as much as possible, don’t see how close you can get before stopping.


#8

Awww I wanted to thank you all for helping me out:)

brycelaliberte: thanks for the story, it made things clear to me:)
beckycmarie: thanks for making a point clear:)


#9

I don’t really think it’s a big deal as long as you’re not trying to seduce him or anything, but I guess everyone’s different.


#10

So you wouldn’t mind if some other guy besides your husband saw you in your underwear, or say you had a 17 year old daughter and walked into her room lounging around in her underwear with her boyfriend in the room? It’s one thing for hubby to see you and another thing for someone not your husband to see you (which is what this boyfriend is currently; not her husband and we will not know until they marry that they truly are).

To the OP; I am glad you see why! Good for you!:slight_smile:


#11

I didn’t realize the OP was 17.
My 17 year old daughter would not have a boyfriend in her room in the first place.
Speaking as an adult, I don’t see it as a big deal. Some people show more when wearing a bikini. She spoke about coming out after a shower, not necessarily lounging around in her underwear.
I’m not embarrassed by being in my underwear…?

Anyway, to the OP, if you feel like it’s wrong, you probably shouldnt do it.


#12

Don’t do anything that would endanger your boyfriend. You don’t want him to commit a sin, either, not just you. Ask yourself not the thing you’re asking, but why you’re asking it. Therein lies the problem, if there’s any.


#13

You need to understand your own intention. Why would you appear half naked in front of your boyfriend? What are you hoping to achieve by doing this? Do you want to show him a little flesh and lace to make him admire and desire you and be alluring to him? Are you trying to tease him? Do you think that him seeing you partially undressed might cause him to lurst for you? Why not hop out of the shower just holding a towel and let it slip a little? Surely you can see your motive is not purity.

There a thousands of young people who talk about marrying and don’t. The fact thast you are talking about it and say you intend to marry have nothing whatsoever to do with what is going on. The chances that you will marry the boy are probably slim. Many young people use the excuse, we are planning to marry anyway, so what is the big deal, to engage in sin.

If you want to please God follow His commandments. They are not given to ruin your fun, but to help you avoid creating misery for yourself and others.


#14

Grandfather: If you ntoiced earlier you would see she saw the error in this thing. Who knows her reasoning for thinking this; maybe in some strange situation she was wondering what she should do, and she sought an honest answer because she cares about her faith- most of the world today would see no issue with it so we should applaud her for seeking the right answer. Be a little more patient and merciful on Divine Mercy Sunday

2nd- how do you know its a slim chance she will marry this guy? Lets just leave things as they are and not be so brutal especially since she agrees with the wisdom of previous posters.


#15

One benefit of hindsight, in this type of situation, is knowing how powerful hormones are and how difficult they are to control, and also seeing the wreckage of lives when control is lost. Once the hormones die down it is a relief. Thank God I survived by His grace alone. But at the same time we can sytmpathize with those whose hormones are raging, lest we forget our own. We also have to warn them of the consequences of losing control of ourselves. We do not have to look far to see them today. There are wrecked lives all around. When in the middle of so many powerful currents swirling around us, and in great danger, it can be both exhilarating and frightening. There are times when the only thing that saves us is obedience. We obey even though we want to disobey. The other posters were essentially saying, don’t go near the fire. Good advice.

Another thing I would like to say to the young lady facing temptation is that sex is holy. The pleasure of sex is a holy thing. Please listen. The reason it is holy is that God shares with us humans, He allows us to participate with Him in the creation of an immortal being. A man and a woman come together with God and create an immortal being. The angels do not have this power given to them. The creation of an immortal being takes place in a place, in the woman. The woman is a holy vessel of life. This procreation is willed by God to take place in a sacramental setting, in the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. Translated into English that is something like the Holy Office of Motherhood. It is all about mom, and the man is a servant. If we take this holy act outside of the protection of the sacrament it becomes dirty, unclean. Protect yourself in purity young lady, and the noble holy calling of your feminine nature. Keep all your clothes on. Marry and then give yourself. Don’t go near this holy act until you are tied, bonded by God to your man. Do nothing to entice him. Wait until God joins you to him…


#16

For every thousand people who go steady, “fall in love”, are sure that they are serious, have strong romantic feelings and attraction for one another at a young age, what percentage do you think end up marrying? Why is it brutal to point out reality to young people who are intoxicated with infatuation. I have been married a very long time and would also point out that true love always grows. The older you get the better it gets, but the beginning stages are confusing.


#17

You aren’t married until you are married. There are far too many “maybe” future marriages. That is a near occasion of sin…and should be avoided. If you plan to be married in the future, then what is holding you back from doing it now? Not sure? Then, don’t do it.


#18

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