Far too much life history and very bizarre spiritual experiences to post here, but question:
I said a prayer to God at about age 38 when I was finally freed of psychological constraints to have a child (in therapy): Please God do not let me go through this life without a child to raise.
Despite all reality (biological), I did conceive and, despite all reality (pre-eclampsia and close to death in ninth month) my daughter was born (because of the specialist whom I had chosen to consult). However, there was an enormous problem and I was aware of it even during pregnancy.
I lost my daughter to mental illness, severe and getting worse daily, at her age 23 (as I was warned by the Blessed Mother when I saw her during an NDE at age five when I was dying from double pneumonia). I do not blame her: she was a victim soul. I do not blame myself (praise God, it took almost 2-1/2 years to get here, I was her mother 24/7 from the moment I knew I was pregnant and literally gave up my life for her). But I do BLAME SATAN who brought this horror upon me in response (it appears) to the blessing of God. AND I HAVE BEGUN TO REALLY HATE SATAN. Is this sinful?