Happy Easter everyone, my Easter so far has been quite confusing:
I was looking in the mirror before Easter Vigil and I was getting dressed and fixing my hair. I began to look at my face and make it decent, I wanted to be a “dashing gentleman” I thought. I started to make a “model” kind of face. Like this kind of face where the model is gazing and all and posing. I felt very good but at the same time felt like I was being arrogant or narcissistic, I was beginning to believe my face was perfect and perfectly chiseled and that “I’m OH so handsome” that “look at your gorgeous face” feeling.
This may be a bit subjective and silly sounding, but in the middle of this one moment I stopped because I felt wrong for doing so. In all seriousness is this pride/narcissism? Because Afterwards I felt bad and guilty, plus the fact I didn’t feel confortable receiving communion until I did mental gymnastics to say I was just doing what models do (I’m not a model) and if models can make that face it’s okay for me. I thought if it was sinful that I stopped immediately after so maybe it didn’t really count. On top of this I was really wanting to receive communion and I had JUST went to confession earlier the same day. I received Our Lord anyway even though I just felt wrong. Please give me as honest an answer as you can. I’m struggling with this.