I don’t know what to do about dealing with my family anymore, especially my mother. We just got back from visiting the St. Gianna shrine in Philadelphia (actually the shrine area is under construction so we didn’t get to see it, but we did get to see and touch her glove and got some prayer cards, it was beautiful…goes on another thread). Anyway, we ended up in a huge argument over nothing :mad: !!!
I made a comment that she reminded me of my husband sometimes, that no one else could ever be right, thier way or no way type of personalities. It was a very light hearted conversation and she was fine until I said something about her being that way. She immediately was defensive and started making excuses for her behavior, but mostly it was “that’s the way I am” type thing and “you should know me by now.” I immediately regretted saying anything, you can’t ever say anything to her because she takes it as a personal attack.
I shut my mouth until we got in the car and she kept going on and on about how we were so disrepectful and how she wasn’t like that with her mother…right or wrong they never said anything they just accepted. I told her that having a conversation wasn’t being disrespectful, but that I regretted saying anything, that we were never going to be able to have honest conversations if she was going to take everything and get mad. I told her that with her it was about telling her what she wanted to hear and not the truth. She kept going on and on about how we were just starting out with our kids and she hated to see how they were going to treat us considering how we treat her, etc., etc. I admit it, I had just about enough and I said that she was probably hoping our kids were rotten and that would make her feel better since she’d be able to say “I told you so” and of course be right once again.
I went on to tell her that since she took everything so personally so was I, that all the negative stuff she has said all these years about me I was going to take personally, that the way she talked about my sister and I you would think we were the worst kids ever. She of course said that I misunderstood what she had said, that she wasn’t being negative just trying to be constructive and helpful, I said well when we say something that’s what we’re trying to do, the intention is not to hurt. But, since she could take things the way she wanted then I could to, and that since she kept threatening to leave all of us because we don’t understand her and we treat her badly, then I would take that attitude too. And since I was far away already that we would keep it that way and keep the visits few and far between. She of course was angry, and she kept crying and crying…for her everyone is out to hurt her. No one understands her, her life has been nothing but suffering etc., etc. Her life is terrible, she wishes she would have died as a child and so on.
I mean I love my mother, she’s my mother and she is a good person and very religious, but she loves to lay on the guilt trips, never, ever lets anything go and takes everything as a personal attack…everyone is out to get her. She is so unhappy, there is never anything positive that comes out of her mouth. Now she is saying she wants to go back home tomorrow, the plan was that she would leave on Saturday, and paying me for this and that. She goes to different parts of the house and cries…I feel aweful that I don’t feel bad because she’s crying.
Am I being tested? I was supposed to look into having my baby back in California so that I could be around my family through this time…I don’t think I’m going to do it, I’ll figure out a way to handle things on my own here. My mom’s house is way too small for all of us now, and with her behavior I really don’t want to be there. She is trying to make me feel guilty for trying to have a conversation, it’s not my fault she’s so sensitive, I think I’ll just keep my distance both physically and on the phone. I just don’t know how much more I can take, I was trying to do something good and this is what I get from it, I’ll just have to keep my mouth shut about everything from now on!!! Sorry for this being so long, I just needed to get things out and get some advice and perspective, thanks.