I have posted here on this forum before about this topic. I am posting again because I am still finding it difficult to forgive and move forward. I am getting very frustrated and angry with myself.
I am beginning to think that i am being too hard on my husband. Here is the issue:
I have been married over 20 years.
I found out 3 years ago my husband went to strip clubs behind my back.
I found out that the first 5 years of our marriage my husband had lap dances that included touching stripper’s breasts with his hands.
If that isn’t bad enough. This is what is really troubling me.
My husband denies the lap dances; yet I know he had them. I will explain. He washed his jeans and shirt the morning after he was out all night (3:00 a.m). He NEVER does laundry. I had a GUT feeling something wasn’t right. I intercepted the jeans and shirt. I smelled them. No perfume smell. No Glitter. No makeup. Just smoke smell. So I dismissed it. However, in light of finding out about going to strip clubs behind my back, I remembered his clothes. I remembered how nervous/guilty he looked. I just know something happened. He has denied it.
And I know he won’t admit it no matter how much I beg him to admit it, because I told him that I felt lap dances were almost like having sex with another person and I considered it adultery and cheating. I know he is sticking to his story because I caught him in so many lies about the strip clubs. If he admits he lied about this too, he will think that I will NEVER trust him again.
He has stopped going to these places. We are in marriage counseling. However, I can’t move forward because I know he did it and he won’t admit it to me.
The deceit is driving me nuts. I have begged him to confess to me, but he is sticking to his story. Of course my mind is imagining the worse. He never went to the strip clubs alone. Only with his friends.
Is this issue grounds for divorce? Should I file for divorce? It has been 3 years and I still can’t move forward and forgive.