Am i being too quick to love?


#1

Hi. alright so i will be 16 in a few weeks. There is this guy that i have been friends with for many years and since high school started our friendship has gotten significantly closer. I’ve always liked him but this year i have found myself more attracted to him and I’m sure i’ve been flirting with him even though im not purposefully trying too. I can’t help but think of him all of the time. I don’t want to be too quick to love or anything but I’ve known him a long while and i can’t help but wonder and feel like he could be the one i marry someday. We are both very devoted Catholics and we are pretty active in the church with youth group. We go to Wednesday morning Mass every week before school and I see him on Sundays at our youth group. I would love to date him in the future either senior year or after high school because i know how important the season of friendship is and i want to get to know him more now as a good friend before getting into a relationship.

Our youth group does these two retreats every year one being Steubenville :smiley: and the other one the youth leaders put together more out in the middle of nowhere where its just our entire youth group which is really nice. So this guy and I are on these retreats every year along with other clsoe friends of course. I have realized though that every time we have a retreat, we become closer. Ive gotten closer to God too which I’m sure He helsp a lot but yea we just become closer and closer friends. many times when im with Him i get this slight warm pleasant (wet) feeling down under. only very slight though and im not thinking of anything sexual or anything like that at all, it just happens which i think is normal.

Alright so coming to the question. I started mid-October writing letters to him. Every night in a notebook. I love writing and many nights i can get carried away writing those letters. I’ve mentioned lots of times how i felt about him and how he’s changed my life. I really mean it when i tell him how he’s changed my life. Before this year, I had been a preacticing CAtholic and gone to youth group and Mass every Sunday any all that, but I’ve never felt like i had a good relationship with the Lord. This year though my faith has increased significantly. I am very much closer to Him than I have ever felt. I know all this is because of the guy i like because he motivates and inspires me to want to become closer to Him and be a better person. I want to becoome a holy and godly woman so I can have the best chance I can have at a future with any man i spend my life with and a future in heaven. I want to do everything I can to help my friend get there too. I am at joy and peace when i am around him and he is one of the very few i trust with my life. secrets and everything. In my letters though I found myself mentioning how i think im falling in love with him (and im hoping when i date him ill know much better) but thn ive been writing how i actually love him. And i don’t know if its dangerous or something to be saying that to myself. like i said i want to wait and stay friends but i just don’t want to be too quick to love. I pray about this every night and Ive been doing chaplet of dinve mercies every morning and night. I really do like this guy and i know he likes me a lot too. we’re both kind of on the quieter side but i’ve caught him staring at me many times and when there’s other people in a group he’s constantly sneaking glances at me. Is it alright to be feeling all of this at my age?
Thanks, God Bless you all!

p.s. i apologize for making this so long. i get carried away when i write.


#2

Keep saying your devotions, and yes, resist writing or saying the words “in love” because our culture has glorified these words and it’s too easy as a young person, and even an old person, to get caught up in it and start fantasising. This doesn’t come from God, and leads to obsession and /or idolatry. It can lead you to forget God even though now it seems like he is bringing you closer to God.

That might not be what is happening! But you are wise to be cautious. How lovely to have found such a friend :slight_smile: You have only in the last year been reborn in faith, you need time to discern Gods calling for you. Don’t dive into anything. Sixteen is too young in our culture to nourish these feelings, even if you are destined to be with this person, the road will be MUCH easier if you stay friends and come together later when you are both older. As soon as you touch on romance, you risk losing your friendship, and you can also put your soul in great danger. In my opinion, it’s not worth it.


#3

Looks pretty normal for a sixteen year old. It is easy however, if you are not careful, to let one’s feelings overcome prudence and appropriate modesty of action. I would not over think these feelings.
A wiser elder may advise you that this is “puppy love” which, although unfairly belittling your emotions so strong are they, may be good advice. Remember self respect is an essential component of holiness. Never betray yourself in your admiration and “love” for this friend. Enjoy the friendship. Enjoy too the flood of emotions as they too will pass as all things contingent will pass in this only too temporary world.
A wise elder may tell you that you do not yet know what true love is. You will not believe them as your feelings are so new and so real. However, love requires a constancy you may not have yet the capacity to give. It requires self-sacrifice; patience and often a heart-burning loneliness. Don’t on this account give up the joy of your new friendship, but keep it close to your over-riding passion for God.
The lawyer in me advises never to put anything to writing that you may come to regret. Men love a mystery.


#4

I think it is wonderful that you have found a good friend who inspires you to love Christ more :slight_smile: Many saintd have written about good spiritual friendships.

However, I am concerned that you are sort of journaling to him and fantasizing about the future with him. It is one thing to acknowledge feelings, and it is good that you realize that you are too young to be dating now, but what you are doing sounds like you are having a fantasy relationship. You seem to be sharing with him, but he is not a part of the conversation, iyswim. He is living a completely different life–one in which all this is not happening, while you may be imagining a whole relationship going on.

I would suggest that you consider very strongly whether there is a fantasy element to what you are doing, and if so, consider eliminating that aspect. Don’t write letters to him: write letters to Jesus and Mary! Don’t mentally confide in your friend: either do it in real life or confide in those with whom you actually have that type of relationship.

I hope that sometime in the future you will have a great relatioship with someone, a relationship based on “in real life,” and the two of you will get to know each other together and help each other to attain Heaven with real communications between the two of you.


#5

I don’t think you’re too young to feel this way, but I agree with St Francis - writing letters is building on something that isn’t actually there. If I were you, I would stop writing letters to him because they may be blinding you to his flaws and they are giving you hope that may not be there.

I don’t mean to diminish your feelings for this boy, but I think you are infatuated instead of in love. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it becomes a problem when you label infatuation as love because it is not the same thing. This happened to one of my friends when she was 15 - she imagined what a relationship with this boy would be like and believed she was in love with him, but he turned out to be not interested in her. I think the letters are contributing to the infatuation part of your relationship, because it’s creating intimacy that isn’t truly there. Try and focus on the real relationship between you, instead of you writing letters to him.

Lou


#6

Just a lifetime lesson;

Meet with him and tell him could you guys date and go out.
You are not too young.
He may be the one.

If you do not act, someone else may become the one for him. Do not miss an opportunity you could be regretting years later if you let things go unsaid and he end up with someone else.
It could be God’s plan that he is the One.

Always focus on chastity and chasteness if you two do go out. Pray a lot for chastity and purity.

Main advice:
Tell him and ask him out

And pray continually for chastity.
If he is the One for you, imagine all the time you could get to spend as childhood sweethearts and bestfriends, if it is God’s plan, only way to find out is to ask him face to face not by text,
Because other people in God’s plan never meet their future spouse until they are 30 or 40.


#7

Don’t waste time wondering, and then spend your adult life wondering what if,
Ask him out,
And always pray to Our Lady for chastity :slight_smile:


#8

Many people meet their true spouse as teenagers, it happens :slight_smile:

Don’t wonder what if,
Ask him and find out, :slight_smile:


#9

)h, those pesky hormones. To be infatuated at 16 is normal, but love is different. Love entails sacrifice and commitment. My mother married at 16(no, she didn’t have to), but my parents were married for fifty years, until sickness and death came calling. Are you ready for such a long term commitment and many sacrifices along the way? Probably not.

16 yrs. old when my parents were married was totally different that a 16 yr. old in todays culture and declining morality of our present society.

Stop writing love letters. Sooner or later the “wrong” person will come across them and read them. Try to write some poetry, some good “home grown prayers” or even some good religious tales or fiction.

Be careful of your friendship with the boy you “love.” Young boys have a harder time with controlling their hormones than girls do. Don’t put temptation in his way at the tender age of 16.

Your 16!!! You have a life to live! Don’t get bogged down with “love.” Peace


#10

it was late when i wrote this. thanks everyone. :slight_smile: I wrote them at night and im a little loopy at night usuallly before i go to bed. :smiley: in them recently i have been using love in that way but I just love him as just a bit more than a close friend. not in “love” way yet i realize. i said that a few times in them when i wrote those letters its just lately i gotten used to saying it and i havent been thinking. I know its not that kind of love yet or anything when i really thought about it today. I started writing them just to record events we spent together over the summer and such and it became a nightly habit. There’s some that im going to keep that are with things like our fall retreat and such to keep the memories. Thats what im going to get back into is writing them for the intent of how i was instead of the habit. I’m working on stripping the ones that have no purpose along those lines and are just feelings that shoulod be in a diary and not a letter. I’m going to use these letters and put my realizations and such and some of the feelings from the letters to my diary. In a way, i think i was writing them as a diary but it was exciting to write to someone instead of myself because its just different talking to myself. Someone said writing letters to the Lord and so im going to try turning these into prayers instead. :slight_smile:

And i know some of you said that I should ask him out but Im going to wait. I’ve been observing my close friends and watching for all the signs when someone likes you. I know he likes me and as badly as I’d love to jump into a relationship now, I have also have read the importance of the season of friendship. We’ve danced together and i’m going to hint at him for homecoming dances and such im sure :wink: and we do stuff together often enough when school isnt busy. But I’m going to go with my gut and wait until senior year or after. If he likes me like i’m pretty sure he does, I know he won’t go chasing after anyone else. I trust him. I have a great faith and trust in God and if this guy really is the one, I think He has it handled :wink: As for telling him, I don’t think it’d be good to right now. If push comes to shove i will let him know that if he ever asked me out on a date i’d say yes. My priority is getting closer to God and becoming the godly woman he wants me to be before sharing a relationship with someone else. My priority with this guy is just building this friendship, just not like I would with any of my girlfriends. I’m sure there’ll be flirts passing through with eye contact and such so I’m not worried that we’ll always stay as just friends. Neither am i concerned of our friendship if we do date, that if we end up not being meant for each other that it will ruin the friendship. It may be awkward at first after but I know we’ll still stay as close friends. I’ve listened to many Jason Evert talks and other speakers so i have a good idea of how i want to go about our relationship. :slight_smile:

Thanks so much everyone for your inputs. It’s helped clear some things a lot. I’d be more than glad to hear what you guys think still! also any relationship stories on how you met your spouses or any relationship stories i’d be glad to hear. :smiley: Not necessary but i’m all for good romance :smiley: God Bless!


#11

Thanks for the idea. Thats what i’ve been wondering about my letters lately. I mentioned already in another reply my original intent was to just track the memories and that i got carried away. I’m going to eliminate the letters and only write about the memories and nothing else too deep. And i’m going to take your suggestion and replace with that for the daily letters. God Bless


#12

May God bless you, too!


#13

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