I am pregnant with mine and my husband’s 4th child. I have always gained alot of weight with my pregnancies and am trying very hard this time to control it, and doing a good job I think. I was about 10 pounds overweight still when I got pregnant (My baby was 11 months old when I got pregnant, so still hadn’t lost that baby weight). But I’ve gained about 10 pounds and I’m 23 weeks along.
Last night I was looking in a pregnancy book about how much I should have gained by now and it said 12-15 pounds, so I was kind of bragging to my husband. He sat there quietly, then said, “You’re 5’6”, right?" I said “Yeah… why?” He said, “Oh i was just talking to this girl at work and she is 5’6”. " With more probing, I found out it is his secretary who was a Florida State cheerleader a few years back, not sure if dh is attracted to her at all, I’m sure he would SAY no. Anyway, he said they were talking about their weight, how he wants to lose some. She shared with him that she is 133 pounds and would like to be 127. I was 150 when I got pregnant by the way.
For a bit of history, last February, we had a blow up that sent us to counseling when I was complaining about not losing weight fast enough and he sent me an email that was 5 pages long telling me that I wasn’t trying hard enough and that I owed it to him to be “hot” because that is what he married, and he founda marriage book that says a man has the NEED to have an attractive spouse. Needless to say, this didn’t do much for our marriage. In counseling, he never really said he should not have said these things, he basically thought he was right and had the right to voice his opinion. He did apologize for hurting me though. I got through it by offering it up and trying to see my losing weight as a ministry to him and to try to love him unconditionally and forgive him for the hurt. I guess I feel that it wasn’t truly resolved. I did work on letting it go, but those words are burned forever in my memory.
SOOOOO… one little comment last night sent me spiraling back down. I just feel like he compares me to other women all the time and I like to try to think that my weight doesn’t matter to him (I’m not obese or anything, and still fairly attractive, I like to think!) but every now and then, I’m reminded of how important this is to him. I don’t think I can give him what he wants/needs, at least while childbearing (which is also one of the reasons why I think he doesn’t want any more children after this one). I’m not a super skinny person anyway, and the only time I have felt like I was thin enough for him was when I was taking ephedra and got myself down around 130.
So where do I go from here? And am I over-reacting?