Am I called to marriage??

I’m only new here but just wanted to ask your thoughts on this.

I’ve always prayed for my future husband since i was 12. I’ve always felt undecided as to what vocation im actually called to. however, when I was younger I mainly felt called to religious life, but in my later teens I began to learn more about and truly understand the vocation of marriage. Over the past year - 6 months I would say that I feel called to married life.

The only problem is I still have occasions where religious life feels like the stronger calling…so then I get completely confused and i don’t know whether married life is just my own desire…not a calling from God. Ive spoke to a nun a few years back who told me to search for the deepest desire of my heart. But how do you?! I’m really unsure as to what I’m called to, it’s also doubly hard because i know i could full fill both vocations :S

Has anyone else had similar feelings??? any help or advice would be amazing!!!

P.S. I have been praying!! :slight_smile:

The best thing to do would be to talk with you local vocation director. Look up your local diocese office of vocations and they should have a number or email.

Here’s a few basic pointers a priest told me once:

  1. Don’t expect an immediate answer, God will give you an answer in due time.

  2. Spend time in front of the Blessed Sacrament. And lots of it. Try and make a daily visit.

  3. Pray the rosary every day.

  4. Try to receive communion once a day and go to confession once a week.

If you do the above four things, in time, you will receive your answer. And when you do, you will know for certain and never question it again.

The thing you have to remember is that you aren’t called to the vocation of marriage ALONE. You have to have a spouse that is called with you to this vocation. In the absence of any reasonable candidate for marriage, you might as well operate on the assumption that you are called to either the single life (at least, you are today!) or possibly the religious life.

If you were my daughter, I would recommend that you start looking at religious orders in depth and see if any of them stir something in your heart. If so, then you should call or write to the superior of that order and ask if they have a discernment weekend or retreat that you can attend. On such a weekend, you can be wholly focused on Christ and praying for your vocation. Of course, if you should feel that one particular order is not your vocational calling, that doesn’t mean another might not be right, so you might try several before you know with any degree of certainty.

Meanwhile, pay off all your debt and reduce your possessions to that which you really need and want. That will help you in any vocation, be it religious life, married life or single life.

Sorry to join late, OP, hopefully you are still there.

Some observations, which make me question whether Sparki & Smichhertz’s advice is complete:

A. Smiley224, how old are you? 18? 30? That answer, along with some idea of your “life experience” might give some insight into your direction. For example, I’ve known several men who planned for the priesthood but had done so having had essentially zero interaction with women – then found themselves deeply shaken when they met women & found themselves attracted to them.

Phrased differently, I think lots of folks look at “religious life” simply because they’ve never met a person of the opposite gender they’re attracted to.

B. I am never going to contradict anyone whose advice is “pray the rosary.” That said, I must respectfully disagree with this advice:

“2) Spend time in front of the Blessed Sacrament. And lots of it. Try and make a daily visit.
3) Pray the rosary every day.
4) Try to receive communion once a day and go to confession once a week.”

Mass every day, AND ‘lots’ of time in front of the Blessed Sacrament, AND weekly confession, AND daily rosary…and nothing else? And, it’s advice from a priest? A serious, serious problem I have with that advice is the following: It is not well-rounded, and “steers” Smiley toward religious life, since all of those things will be consistent with religious life. Heck, it’s coming from a priest.

Are all of those things the priest told Smichhertz great? Yes. Same with “investigating orders.” But if Smiley is really trying to discern, what she ALSO needs to do is balance those things with the “marriage” side of life. Smiley, have you ever, for example, attended a Catholic singles function? Try it and see who’s there. And while you’re at it, also do the following:

–Talk to some couples who are happily married…and maybe for a long time.
–Ask insightful questions of them. What is it about marriage that they like? Dislike? How is marriage what they expected? How is it different?
–Maybe more pointedly: look inside and ask: Do you want children? How do you want to spend your life? What are you doing now to minister to others? What life experience do you have? For that matter, Smiley, have you ever had a serious boyfriend? Have you recently had a bad breakup? Heck, maybe you broke someone’s heart? The point is, all of these things need to be pondered deeply and prayed about.

About the best advice I can give, after all of the other items, is this: Whatever you choose, choose because it is the right thing for you, and not because you are afraid of the other choice.


Thanks for the insight :slight_smile: I do agree with what everyone has posted…i think together you all create a well balanced view…kinda what i was leaning towards. I know I shouldn’t just pray the rosary etc. but it definitely is important to create a Catholic lifestyle. And who knows…maybe i am called to religious life! I haven’t spent much time visting orders, but there is only one that I would consider at this point in time. I’m 21 and I’ve had a fair bit of life involvement with families…in fact most of my life ive grown up with looking after my younger cousins. I feel really drawn to marriage for this reason, I love kids and really want my own.

I’ve never been in a relationship before…been asked out plenty of times, But im more of the old fashioned view, i want to wait until i know a guy well enough to consider marrying him before i date him (all the people i ve been asked out by i couldn’t imagine marrying!). I do have a close friend at the moment who I really like. He is probably an ideal guy really. I kinda feel as though because i am attracted to him that may be why i feel more drawn to marriage. I’ve been praying about it for awhile now but I’m still not sure.

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