Pretty much, I’ve always had mental health issues for as long as I can remember. My doctor is pretty certain I’m on the bipolar spectrum. This sort of relates to the question as when I was younger I’d always go through the most horrible depressions and find it difficult to sleep. So I invented a way of being able to get to sleep by creating an imaginary world inside of my head, with what I believe would be the ‘perfect life,’ without illness ect.
As I’ve grown older I’ve started imagining that I’m married to the man of my dreams and that we have children together ect. When I became a Catholic these fantasies became more moral in the sense that I never imagined doing anything sexual with my perfect partner or anything that the church disagrees with. It’s just a way to get me off to sleep and without it, I just lie awake with the thoughts spinning in my head.
The part that worries me is that I imagine I’m married to a celebrity who is already married in real life. I, myself, am not married or in a relationship at the moment (I’m 18, if you were wondering) and for a while now I wondered if this would be considered as lusting after a married man? The thing is, it’s all innocent and rather silly but it helps me sleep, so I use it as a technique for that purpose. I could never imagine these stories becoming real or anything, and I would never knowingly cheat with a married man. If I’m honest, I’ve kind of shaped him in my head to what I’d imagine him to be…so he’s not really real anyway. I just kind of fancy him hahaha. But yeah, is this mortal sin?
Thanks in advance for any answers! And I’d be happy to elaborate on any more details if you ask.