I dated a wonderful Catholic girl for 3 years, and was certain of our impending engagement and marriage. My relationship with her literally saved my soul (I converted to the Catholic church because of the many arguments I had with her over Faith - I was a “devout” Protestant). Being with her also helped me learn how to introspect and reflect on my life, and I can honestly say that all the successes I have had in my life would not have been possible without her ALWAYS being in my corner not only as my cheerleader, but my partner in much of what I have accomplished through undergrad and grad school (it was mutual).
She is a virgin, I am a “born-again” virgin (ironically, 1 mistake I made 1 month before meeting her…). It was a very difficult thing for her to get over the first half year of our relationship, but we worked through it, and we just “knew” we were meant to be together.
A little relevant background on her childhood: she was a the only child of a single mother (an amazing woman). Her father was in the picture until her early teens when, without going into detail, she did something that completely ruined their relationship, and he has been in and out since. In high school, she fell with the wrong crowd, and her mother sent her to a Christian boarding school for 3 years. Subsequently, she attended a Catholic university, but self destructed during her first semester (going out, and not studying). She took a semester off, and then left the country for a 4 month mission trip. We met a few months after she returned. An important note: She has had psychological help on/off for management of ‘possible’ bipolar disorder (I didn’t really notice this), and anxiety. I have to also add this: I am a*** very*** stable individual. Throughout our relationship, she was very clingy (trust me, I loved her so much I didn’t mind) and would profess how perfect I was in every way (this made me a little uncomfortable at times, because well, I am a sinner).
This past year, I started a very intense graduate program several hours away, and our life really changed. We made sure to see each other every weekend, but we would spend most of those weekends studying. In effect, we wouldn’t see each other during the week, and on weekends, we wouldn’t really “be” with each other except an hour here and there. Still, it was a large sacrifice (8+ hr round trip commute for her, 4hr for me). Towards the end of the year, I was so busy I didn’t really notice this, but she was very upset with being on the back-burner. Wrongly, I didn’t really pay attention to her complaints (I was so busy and overworked that I could barely realize how poor my health got). In all honesty, I was trying to ensure a successful life for the two of us…it wasn’t until it was too late that I realized she was falling away from me.
I have to add that we had physical struggles as a couple, and even cohabited a year (due to circumstances beyond our control). We frequented confession because of our weakness, and several times in our relationship we tried taking “breaks” in order to fall back into God and renew ourselves apart in order to come back renewed. She, however, couldn’t last a week away from me, and I always took her back (with no argument on my part…I loved her dearly). I have to mention that one catalyst for one break was a betrayal last February where she had an emotional “thing” going through text messages with her ex-boyfriend who lives outside the country when she learned he was having a child and getting married (it wasn’t going anywhere, and she knew it, but they “talked” about her getting a ticket at visiting him). I considered it cheating, and asked for a break and that she seek counseling. I soon too her back, and she went to counseling, but it died off as she saw I wasn’t really pushing for it anymore as our life got very busy.
About two months ago in the midst of feeling like I was putting her “on the back-burner” (I have to admit, I am guilty of this), we both agreed to another break. Long story short, 2 weeks into it, she started dating another guy and one night ended up going back to his place and was physically intimate with him (no sex). Through this, I still saw her once a week where she professed her Love for me, and would say things when I would ask her back along the lines of “I have to be away from you so that I can be with you again,” or “God is talking to me in so many ways,” and “I forgot how amazing you are, and am realizing it now.” Still, she wouldn’t take me back. I assumed that since she was going out to clubs/bars with friends (which we rarely did during our relationship - a mutual decision), that she meant God was reminding her that wasn’t the life for her. Anyway, a week later, I found out about her ‘affair’ and confronted her about it. She spilled the beans, but kept reiterating that it was during our break, and even asked me if I was proud she didn’t have sex with him. She says that she was floundering without me, that every time she was with him she would think of me and be upset, but still felt like she had to do it. I find it difficult to believe since if I hadn’t found out and confronted her, she would have seen him a few more times (her admittance). She said that if we were on an “exclusive” break, she never would have done what she did, and that she thought we explicitly agreed it was okay to see other people…which I did not as I don’t believe in “non-exclusive” breaks. An important detail: several of her ***close friends *** who are now married or engaged went on “breaks” and dated other people before coming back together…sick individuals with a twisted sense of commitment; our poor society.