Am I doing a sin?


#1

Since the beginning of this year i wanted to visit London and i told my husband that I want to visit it so much. This would have been a wonderful occasion to see my sister whom I didn't saw for a couple of years.
Somewhere in June I found out that my sister is a lesbian and living with her girlfriend for 4 years. Since then i had a really difficult time to talk to her or get used to the idea.
I lied to my parents about her to hide her secret.
More then this she mocked my decision of becoming Catholic, told me that all priest are pedophiles or fakes.
Now my husband planed a visit in London for November and i was angry that he arranged it without me knowing. Honestly i just can't see my sister. I don't want to fight her, i don't want to fight with her girlfriend, i don't want to be cold with her. I don't know what to do if i see her. I don't know what to tell her. I don't want to see her and this is a bad thing from a big sister. My husband is trying to understand why i changed my mind and i don't want to visit London anymore. He knows about my sister but can't understand why I'm sad or angry.
Am I doing a sin in being angry on her or sad about her? What would you recommend me to do?


#2

Talk to your priest about how to deal with your emotions.

London is a huge city. I'm sure it would be quite possible to visit the city without seeing your sister.

However, perhaps you should reconsider your decision not to speak to her. You could perhaps meet your sister out somewhere like for lunch or dinner. She is still your sister, even if she chooses to engage in immoral activities. Try to see her as Christ does, worthy of love and compassion. You do not have to approve of her sinful behavior in order to love her as a sister.

Perhaps set some ground rules, such as discussing her sexuality being off limits.


#3

"...as we forgive those who trespass against us..."

Go to London. Have some time with your sister and her girlfriend. You are sad for her and upset, but this is your cross for the moment. Do not judge her, she is a big girl. But do not express acceptance if they ask you for a blessing or other sign. You can disagree with her, but you still must forgive her and always love her. Her lifestyle should not require you to go against your lifestyle in approval, but loving her is part of the Catholic lifestyle.

Also, do not become "air traffic controller" for her, you will only exacerbate the situation. If asked by your parents tell the truth.


#4

[quote="Julian0404, post:3, topic:216235"]
"...as we forgive those who trespass against us..."

Go to London. Have some time with your sister and her girlfriend. You are sad for her and upset, but this is your cross for the moment. Do not judge her, she is a big girl. But do not express acceptance if they ask you for a blessing or other sign. You can disagree with her, but you still must forgive her and always love her. Her lifestyle should not require you to go against your lifestyle in approval, but loving her is part of the Catholic lifestyle.

Also, do not become "air traffic controller" for her, you will only exacerbate the situation. If asked by your parents tell the truth.

[/quote]

I have not stopped talking to her, but we are not talking like before. We were never very close, we were always very different people with very different ideas about life and different ways of life. Maybe this sounds bad but that didn't mean that we didn't love each other or help each other, it just meant we are different.
What is hard for me is not forgiving or loving, it is understanding. She had boyfriends before i did in our teenage years and a few years ago she was dating boys. What promted this change, who changed her mind? I tend to think her lover but i can't know for sure.
I don't hate my sister. I am scared to see her, I am scared and angry to meet her lover. What will i do and what will i say? Will i act without thinking?
As for my sister being "a big girl" i am very scared about that too. During the years my sister gave us a lot of trouble with her imature behavour. She is the most easy to manipulate person and she trusts strangers more then her family. Many times we were put in the situation of taking of out of some ****** situation in which she placed herself by listening to those people who "wanted to help her" or "knew what is best for her" or "understood her better". I can enummerate her wish of joing some weird religios cult and having a boyfriend who was living bite marks on her neck and face and said they were signs of love (she really believed him).

It took me of lot of talking and my promise of secrecy to my parents to make her tell me the truth so unfortunatelly i placed myself alone in this unfortunate situation. Now i regret it. I am hoping every day they will not ask me about her so i will not have to lie.

She keeps sending me links to homosexual stories and movies. I drives me crazy. If i don't watch heterosexual pronography why would i find pleasure in homosexual pronography? Why is she sending me these things. And when i refuse to watch it she lets me somehow understand that i am intolerant.

And if she desperatly wants to keep the secret from my parents why does she posts these links on my facebook wall? On facebook i have family friends and collegues from my parents work.

Honestly i do not feel any kind of hatred, only confussion and fear.


#5

[quote="cristyd, post:1, topic:216235"]
Since the beginning of this year i wanted to visit London and i told my husband that I want to visit it so much. This would have been a wonderful occasion to see my sister whom I didn't saw for a couple of years.
Somewhere in June I found out that my sister is a lesbian and living with her girlfriend for 4 years. Since then i had a really difficult time to talk to her or get used to the idea.
I lied to my parents about her to hide her secret.
More then this she mocked my decision of becoming Catholic, told me that all priest are pedophiles or fakes.
Now my husband planed a visit in London for November and i was angry that he arranged it without me knowing. Honestly i just can't see my sister. I don't want to fight her, i don't want to fight with her girlfriend, i don't want to be cold with her. I don't know what to do if i see her. I don't know what to tell her. I don't want to see her and this is a bad thing from a big sister. My husband is trying to understand why i changed my mind and i don't want to visit London anymore. He knows about my sister but can't understand why I'm sad or angry.
Am I doing a sin in being angry on her or sad about her? What would you recommend me to do?

[/quote]

IMO You're not sinning if your sad about her. You're just grieving. If you hold onto the anger that you have towards her, that's sinful.

I'm sorry that she mocked your decision for becoming Catholic. It seems like she is saying those things because the Catholic Church doesn't agree with her lifestyle. However she should know there are many gay people who are very Catholic. For instance me and my boyfriend lol. Just because we disagree with some aspects of the Church, it hasn't caused us to loose our faith. If I were you I would tell her that there are many Catholics and Christians who are practicing gays. If she has turned her back on her faith it might get through to her and help her.

I will pray for both of you and your family. :)


#6

[quote="Adam1986, post:5, topic:216235"]
IMO You're not sinning if your sad about her. You're just grieving. If you hold onto the anger that you have towards her, that's sinful.

I'm sorry that she mocked your decision for becoming Catholic. It seems like she is saying those things because the Catholic Church doesn't agree with her lifestyle. However she should know there are many gay people who are very Catholic. For instance me and my boyfriend lol. Just because we disagree with some aspects of the Church, it hasn't caused us to loose our faith. If I were you I would tell her that there are many Catholics and Christians who are practicing gays. If she has turned her back on her faith it might get through to her and help her.

I will pray for both of you and your family. :)

[/quote]

No, don't tell her this. Being gay does not fall under the Catholic category. Homosexuality is a sin that you keep on committing until you change your lifestyle. You could say you are Catholic and struggling with the sin of homosexuality, but you can't say you are practicing Catholic and practicing homosexuality. They are opposites.
You have to understand that you can't pick and choose which parts of the faith you wish to follow. In Catholicism, it is all or nothing.
James 2:10: For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.


#7

Be clear that it is having homosexual sex that is the sin. Being same-sex-attracted is not a sin.

So you can keep loving her, and continue to treat her with respect, compassion, and sensitivity.

CCC 2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.


#8

[quote="cristyd, post:1, topic:216235"]
Since the beginning of this year i wanted to visit London and i told my husband that I want to visit it so much. This would have been a wonderful occasion to see my sister whom I didn't saw for a couple of years.
Somewhere in June I found out that my sister is a lesbian and living with her girlfriend for 4 years. Since then i had a really difficult time to talk to her or get used to the idea.
I lied to my parents about her to hide her secret.
More then this she mocked my decision of becoming Catholic, told me that all priest are pedophiles or fakes.
Now my husband planed a visit in London for November and i was angry that he arranged it without me knowing. Honestly i just can't see my sister. I don't want to fight her, i don't want to fight with her girlfriend, i don't want to be cold with her. I don't know what to do if i see her. I don't know what to tell her. I don't want to see her and this is a bad thing from a big sister. My husband is trying to understand why i changed my mind and i don't want to visit London anymore. He knows about my sister but can't understand why I'm sad or angry.
Am I doing a sin in being angry on her or sad about her? What would you recommend me to do?

[/quote]

Dear Cristy,

Human feelings are natural, and it is understandable that you would feel this way. You are probably going to go through several feelings, for you are suffering a loss: the loss of who you thought your younger sister was; the loss of being close to her; the loss of respect for her lifestyle to name a few. Not only that, but you are being attacked by your sister for your faith and that can be hurtful since you know the truth of her lifestyle and no matter what, even though you are feeling angry, you still love her.

Jesus tells us to love the sinner but hate the sin. If you can, call your sister and let her know that you are coming for a visit, and although you don't agree with her lifestyle, you still love her and want to see her, BUT that you do not, and will not, tolerate any belittling of your faith. That you expect her and her girlfriend to honor you in that respect and that you in turn will not comment on their lifestyle.

I have a question: Would you have felt differently if your sister was living in sin with a man? If so, why? Fornication (any sex outside of the sacrament of marriage is a grave sin) of any persons regardless of "same sex" or heterosexual unions is still a grave sin.

So, even though God gave us the ability to judge right from wrong, just love your sister and visit with her, and be loving, kind, gentle and be like Christ so they cannot find any fault with you. Deep in their hearts they know it is wrong, and that is why they mocked your becoming a Catholic. As for the comment about all Priests being pediophiles or fakes, just let it be. We obviously know this is not true and so do they: they just wanted to get your anger up, for anger is a tool for the devil.

If your sister and her girlfriend won't respect you and your faith, then just get a nice hotel somewhere in London and enjoy the scenery with your husband.

As for "protecting" your sister from letting your parents know, I wouldn't concern myself with that. Why should that burden of secrecy be placed on you? I don't know if it would hurt your parents to find out, but that is your decision. Your sister is obviously not a very honest person in that aspect, and has lied for years and been secretive.

And, no, I personally don't think your feelings are a sin.

God bless you and I hope you can enjoy your visit.


#9

[quote="cristyd, post:4, topic:216235"]
It took me of lot of talking and my promise of secrecy to my parents to make her tell me the truth so unfortunatelly i placed myself alone in this unfortunate situation. Now i regret it. I am hoping every day they will not ask me about her so i will not have to lie.

She keeps sending me links to homosexual stories and movies. I drives me crazy. If i don't watch heterosexual pronography why would i find pleasure in homosexual pronography? Why is she sending me these things. And when i refuse to watch it she lets me somehow understand that i am intolerant.

And if she desperatly wants to keep the secret from my parents why does she posts these links on my facebook wall? On facebook i have family friends and collegues from my parents work.

Honestly i do not feel any kind of hatred, only confussion and fear.

[/quote]

Hi cristy,

I am reading along, and just came to this...

Have you asked her to stop sending you that smut? If she refuses to listen and keeps sending those smutty things, and dares to call you intolerant, I would just turn the tables on her and send her things about Christian love and conversion stories from gay people, about how they turned their lives around after finding Christ. If she tells you to stop, my, my, then who is being intolerant? She is trying to manipulate you and give you feelings of guilt. Don't give in to her sly ways.

Furthermore, don't lie to your parents. It is not your duty to lie for your sister, and since she is posting on a public site accessible to everyone, you are "off the hook" so to say.

I can understand your confusion, but why the fear?

blessings and prayers for you,


closed #10

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