Am I doing something wrong????


#1

Dear Friends,

As a new member I am not sure if I am doing all this correctly. In my day “state of the art” meant an electric typewritter. Here is my problem. My eldest son who is 34 is an alcholic who has shown violent trends toward myself and the rest of the family. He had a job and a place to live (nothing wonderful but he was making it). In anger he quit his job and supposedly got another one and was supposed to be living with some people he worked with. Apparently something went wrong and now he is after us, our other son, our soon to be ex son in law to take him in. A few months ago we let him stay with us for a few weeks. Well, he drank and didn’t respect our things or us and we had to make him leave. I felt so guilty and still do. But it seems the more we help him the worse he gets. I am disabled and me and my husband share a rental home with our daughter and her two children - to help her get on her feet. And she is doing great. My youngest son is doing great. Why this one has chosen a path like this is beyond me. He was raised Catholic and knows right from wrong but I am beginning to wonder if he knows right from left. I pray for him but is there anything else I could do? Will await replies God Bless All.


#2

You are not doing anything wrong unless you continue to enable him by helping him out when he gets in trouble. We have been enablers in the past, helping my step-daughter with bills, groceries, etc. when she was on drugs, would not work, etc. I tried to tell my husband that paying her way out every time would not help her, just cost us money. When we stopped, she was very angry. “you don’t love me, I never want to see you again, etc”. However she did talk to us every time she needed something she tried to smooze her dad into giving in. We were only hurting her when we “helped” her. Well, her husband died of cancer, she has a young son to take care of. She is learning how to take care of herself and her son. She has never apologized for stealing her fathers watch, etc., but by her actions, we feel that she is sorry. Little by litte, she is turning into the person we knew she is down deep. It took her hubby getting very sick for her to stop with the drugs, etc. A hard lesson, but sometimes that is what it takes.Very sad!

Tell your son to grow up, go into treatment and not come around until he recognizes that he needs help and gets it. Even then, be careful, a little at a time!!

Good luck
Love and peace
Mom of 5


#3

No, you are not doing anything wrong, and I would not let this violent alcoholic into the house with you and your grandchildren. As he is, he is dangerous and should not be allowed into the house where he could hurt you or steal your belongings to pay for his addiction.

The family should remain united and tell him that you will welcome him after he is in an alcohol rehab program-- even AA-- and is sober and holding a job.

Give him numbers to treatment centers, AA, homeless shelters, Catholic Charities, your parish priest, etc, but do not let him worm his way into your house as he is.

And, of course, pray is powerful, so keep praying he will get help.


#4

I don’t think you are doing anything wrong, I think your prayers are hitting the mark and maybe there is a bit of a back lash .
Keep going that’s all I can say.
God bless you.


#5

letting him live with you and endanger the rest of the family would be wrong. enabling him by making excuses to his employer, giving him money for booze, letting him sleep off hangovers at your house, that would be wrong. He will not change unless and until he hits bottom. I have an MA in living with alcoholics. You won’t change them but they will change you in lots of ugly ways if you let them. Kick him out now.


#6

You are not wrong in not letting him stay at your house. I agree that until he hits rock bottom, he will not be forced to see that he has a drinking problem. I have a cousin who is a drug addict and he would go home to my aunt and uncle. My aunt did not like that he would bring prostitutes home and her other two daughters see this. She talked with her husband to kick her son out, but the father did not want to do that so she and her two daughters moved out. They left the house with her husband and son who continued to bring unpleasant people home. The father allowed this for he said he felt quilty on how they raised him. This has been going on, the drug addiction, for years and years. It all started when he was 12 yr. old. He is now 33 years old and not living with the dad anymore, but homeless on the streets. He is still a drug addict. He also has been in prison three times for drug related crimes. It is very sad and he is my special cousin that I lift to the Lord every day. He is now homeless and I hope that this will soon help him see he has an addiction problem. He has not been homeless long enough. My dh’s brother is also an alcoholic and he was homeless and that is what it took for him to see that he had a problem. He is now a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for 4 years. Let him hit rock bottom and keep praying for him and I will pray for him also.


#7

Al-Anon…

al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

This is a support group for friends/relatives of alcoholics.

Kristin


#8

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