We have been married for two years. I became pregnant about 3 months after our marriage and we have a wonderful baby son. I am now pregnant with our second child. Since it is the early stages I am very nauseous and have been sick for four weeks now. I do not work outside the home.
My husband works for a small software company and makes a very small salary. I love him very much but he spends money like we will always have it. He’s running up the credit cards and eating out almost every day. I ask him to do things around the house (like put the baby proofing on the cabinets and drawers that I can’t do in my present condition) and he just doesn’t do it. He hasn’t mowed the lawn in three weeks. I found out he hasn’t been paying the bills on time and we are having to pay not only interest but also penalties and late fees.
I don’t ask him to do the chores around the house, like the laundry and cleaning the bathrooms and the kitchen. It doesn’t do any good. He tells me he needs specifics but, even after I make detailed lists, he just ignores it all. He cooks wonderful meals but he leaves the dirty pans and utensils and dishes for me to clean. There are a myriad of other things but I think you get the main idea.
We have fought about this before but I want to remain patient and calm for the children’s sake. I’ve told him he has to set a good example for them but he just agrees with me and sits at his computer and chats with his friends half the night. Then he is so tired he loses his temper with the baby and scares me. He doesn’t abuse him, but he truly doesn’t know his own strength.
What am I doing wrong? How can I make him understand that he is not being a good husband and father without hurting his feelings? Sometimes, he hits the wall with his fist if he’s angry. Sometimes he gets depressed and tells me he’s just a no good bum. I’ve talked to a priest but maybe I should look for a counselor? I want our relationship to grow and be healthy but it certainly doesn’t feel that way right now. I’m scared we’ll get into such debt, we’ll never get out especially considering we couldn’t afford insurance for me so we’ll have to pay for the doctor, hospital, and lab ourselves when the new baby comes.
The anxiety is making me feel more ill. Can anyone suggest something low cost? I’ve been praying to St Joseph but he must have other more urgent cases. Any suggestions are welcome. Thank you so much.