Thanks to everyone who helped out with advice in the other thread I started about my grandparents and their strange way of gift-giving. Another issue seems to have come up and this one deals with lying.
My grandparents, specifically my grandma, have always had a bit of a habit of lying. They tell white lies to cover up awkward social situations, to avoid conflict with other family and friends and people from their work and at synogogue, etc. It has definitely affected how I interact with them (e.g., I take much of what they claim with a grain of salt; if something seems fishy, it probably is.) Another part of their lying is the coaching that I'm forced to sit through before--say--I accompany them to temple or when we're going out to dinner with friends of theirs or even when we're heading outside for a walk. It runs something like this: "Now, if we run into a lady who introduces her self as N., remember that I didn't tell her this. And if at dinner, should N. ask about this, that, and the other thing, remember to tell her this." It goes on like this, and sometimes it's difficult to remember all the people's names and what I am/am not supposed to tell them. It makes me uncomfortable and while I realize that they tell a lot of lies in order to deal with their social lives (which, I might add, are quite dysfunctional), I prefer not to behave that way. To what extent should I comply with this craziness and how do I deal with it without 1) coming across as disrespectful, 2) upsetting or offending my grandma or grandpa, and 3) upsetting..shall we say...the generosity they have continually extended toward me?
Along these lines, another issue that recently seems to have come up since moving to their city for college is that I have now become material for their lies and I'm more or less reduced to an excuse for them. Since moving to college where they live, it seems they turn down engagements, saying that they're spending time with me--at a concert of mine or at dinner, etc. (When in actuality, they're not.) I then have to be coached: "When N. asks about your concert, remember to say that it went great because we told her we spent last Friday with you instead of going out with them!" Am I being overly sensitive in feeling used this way?
Thanks for any advice and help!