Am I immature for wanting to avoid my exbf


#1

This is just a general question. Am I immature for not wanting to run into my ex boyfriends. Sometimes I know it's unavoidable one was really klingly after we broke up which was his decision in the first place. Now it looks like I'll be running into a few ex's at summer events. For the most part I don't have a problem with this but like I said one was klingly and other was abusive but in his case that was years ago. I've forgiven them both but the awkwardness of it is just annoying. :shrug:


#2

Simple answer: No.


#3

Pfft,

If its immature I am extremely immature! If I see my ex in the shops I turn around and walk in the opposite direction I need to go! Avoid em like the plague, its what they deserve for leaving you :p


#4

[quote="Sierrah, post:1, topic:200313"]
This is just a general question. Am I immature for not wanting to run into my ex boyfriends. Sometimes I know it's unavoidable one was really klingly after we broke up which was his decision in the first place. Now it looks like I'll be running into a few ex's at summer events. For the most part I don't have a problem with this but like I said one was klingly and other was abusive but in his case that was years ago. I've forgiven them both but the awkwardness of it is just annoying. :shrug:

[/quote]

Sierrah,

No, it is not a sign of immaturity for you to want to avoid ex-boyfriends. But I also don't think it is wise for you to think that you have to avoid them. Admittedly, what you are feeling is very natural but may not be necessary for the long term.

I've been in your very shoes. I had an abusive ex-boyfriend and for the longest time I didn't know what I would feel or what I would do if I saw him again. The one time I did see him I felt an intense anger toward him. I was repulsed by him.

But I refuse to alter my life in fear or any other negative emotion due to the very bad choices other people have made. I had to realize what he did was not my fault - it could have happened to any woman.

And Sierrah, it sounds like you have some FUN events to attend this summer. Instead of feeling afraid of running into those ex-friends, focus on your new friends. Pray for strength to know how to handle yourself if you do run into people who have treated you badly. Be good to yourself. Don't think of yourself as immature. You are not. You are being careful. You are being concerned for your welfare. IMO, that is very mature!

Hope


#5

Immature? Absolutely not. And just because the abusive boyfriend was years ago, doesn’t mean you should ever forget.

But like someone already said, you shouldn’t avoid the fun events either just because of them. Maybe tell a few of your friends how awkward you find the situation, and maybe ask them to be your support system when it gets to be too be too much to be around them. Have an escape plan if one of them makes the event unbearable.


#6

No, that's not immature. It is sensible to avoid situations where hurting someone's feelings or just having an unenjoyable awkward moment is a reasonably likely outcome, particularly when there is no foreseeable good likely to come out of these shared moments.

As for the abuser, just stay away. There is no statute of limitations that requires employment of retired robbers by a bank. Forgiveness does not preclude keeping a distance between yourself and someone who has abused your trust, no matter how long it has been. Let him close to him only when it seems sensible to do so, and then only if you actually want to. He's had his chance at that position with you to which no one has a right.

Conversely, I would not avoid situations likely to be enjoyable because of a mere possibility that a few minutes of the outing might be awkward. Still, if anxiety is going to ruin the whole event for you, there are probably plenty of other ways to entertain yourself without that stress. Go, or don't go, but it isn't anything to get too worked up about.


#7

Most of of my exes I am at least on, "I don't want you dead" terms, so we don't go out of the way to avoid each other. One or two are on the "I want you dead" terms, so with them, I DO try to avoid them on Facebook, real world, etc. Doesn't make me immature. Makes me able to prolong my life!


#8

You’re not married to him. What is the issue of not hanging around him anymore? If you happen to meet him when your out doing something, then be peaceable, but you certainly aren’t obliged to pay special attention to him. Treat him as you would any other person you just happen to meet. Say hello, nod or wave. Then be done and continue about your business!! :thumbsup:


#9

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.