Am I in Denial?, if not, why don't I find peace?

Hey all,

I’m a 19 yr. old male college student, I’ve never had a girlfriend before because of various reasons (“too shocked and confused to function” syndrome, “too fast to fall in love” illness, “too fast to quit on courtship” sickness), If I’m not mistaken, the readings today are about praying for something, anything, in a proper way, not just to indulge our desires or something, this kind of reading made me thought about having a girlfriend, I know that I want to have a girlfriend, but It feels like it’s not yet time or something, because I don’t have a strong feeling to connect, or to “get to know” someone (a girl/any girl my type), but I do however somewhat feel like this girl, or that girl subtly wants me to talk to her in some sorts, it’s really nerve-wrecking, but I almost always come to the conclusion that: “It’s just me” ^_^, not to mention that recently I only feel that strong about having a girlfriend if I see couples my age, or even younger, holding hands, hugging, walking close together, all the lovers say and do.

Given the fact that I don’t feel strong about any girl I know, or any girl that I see, am I in denial when I say that I only want to have a girlfriend, right now, because I want what they have?, or is feeling somewhat jealous of what couples have part of wanting to have a relationship?

I just wanted some intellegent opinions on this matter, for I always see a lot of beautiful girls anywhere I go, but can’t seem to take enough courage to approach even just the one I like, when I’m far from them, I think about saying this, and saying that, or asking this and that, but when I get just 2-5 meters (this is a rough estimate) closer, I tend to forget what I was going to say, or just stop thinking all together, especially if she’s amazingly beautiful, I tend to think about possible rejection as a reality, maybe this is just the devil telling me to tell myself these negative things or something, but even if I pray for the strength, why does the devil win? is it because I’m in a state of mortal sin, that God lets me be this timid towards others?, what kind of prayer must I pray for me to not feel like I’m no good in this kind of situation? but what if I was just being simplistic about approaching her?, How do I know that approaching her is God’s will? maybe this is some kind of fear that I have huh?, the fear of letting go or being let loose by someone that is not part of God’s plan for me, I mean this happens in break-ups right?

Please help.


First off, go easy on yourself. Slow down your thoughts of having a girlfriend and work on yourself and your relationship with God. He may have someone down the road for you, but things are not quite right for that. Also, pray to have peace as a single person. It could just as easily be that God will want you to stay single.

I was in a disaster of a marriage many years ago. I think I rushed into it because of the need to be loved and all that. We divorced after 3 1/2 years, and have a daughter. She’s grown now and in college. But that isn’t really the point, is it? I find that I still have plenty of things to work on at the moment. Well, things about myself. I pray that I may be able to live the single life if that’s what God has chosen more me. Yes, I still desire to have the loving relationship I see with other people. But at the moment that isn’t for me.

I pray that God will show His will for you in a powerful way. And don’t give up, take the time to grown in all areas that you can.

A little of both. We tend to be jealous of others, at times. We want what they have, but we also want what we want. You feelings are perfectly natural.

     What to do with them..........   Pray and take chances at times to introduce yourself to a girl, here and there.  Consider it practice, not the relationship of all time leading to marriage.  You will, at times, be pleasantly surprised, that others are just as nervous about introductions and first time meetings.

      Mainly, live your life, and through prayer, the RIGHT girl will be placed in your path.  All your practice will pay off.  God Bless.

Pray for purity and for fortitude, that you might both overcome temptation and do God’s Will.

Feel free to join the Catholic Youth.

Why care about this world and its pleasure? All flesh will rot and be eaten by worms. Seek God, death will come soon. Happy are those that forsook all earthly pleasures and joined themselves with the love of God.

There was a time when virginity and giving oneself wholly to God was something admirable. Today, through evil media, the whole world is being deceived in seeking worldly earthly pleasures that will perish and be no more… This life is a dream, nothing is real except good works and the love of God. All else will perish and be no more.

Start to read the Revelations below, they will help you in your striving for peace.

Book 1 - Chapter 32

God speaks: "You ought to be like a person who lets go and like one who gathers. You should let go of riches and gather virtues, let go of what will pass and gather eternal things, let go of visible things and gather invisible. In return for the pleasure of the body, I will give you the exultation of your soul; in return for the merriment of the world, I will give you the merriment of heaven; in return for worldly honor, the honor of the angels; in return for the presence of family, the presence of God; in return for the possession of goods, I will give you myself, the giver and Creator of all things.

Answer the three questions I am going to ask you. First, whether you want to be rich in this world or poor. She answered: “Lord, I would rather be poor, since riches do me no other good than to make me anxious and distract me from serving you.” “Tell me, second, whether you found anything reprehensible to your mind or false in the words that you heard from my mouth?” And she said: “Certainly not, it is all reasonable.” “Third, tell me whether the sensual pleasure you earlier had delights you more or the spiritual pleasure that you now have?” And she answered: “I feel ashamed in my heart to think of my earlier delight and it seems to me now like poison, all the more bitter in proportion to my earlier fervor in desiring it. I would rather die than ever go back to it; it cannot compare to spiritual delight.”

“Thus,” he said, "you prove to yourself that all the things I have told you are true. What are you afraid of, then, or why are you worried that…

Read the rest at:

Saint Bridget was canonized by Pope Boniface IX in the year 1391 and confirmed by Pope Martin V in the Council of Constance in the year 1415.

The Revelations of Saint Bridget were accorded an exceptionally high degree of authenticity, authority and importance from an early date. Pope Gregory XI (1370-78) approved and confirmed them and judged them highly favorably, as did Boniface IX (1389-1404) in the papal Bull Ab origine mundi, par. 39 (7 Oct 1391). They were later examined at the Council of Constance (1414-18) and at the Council of Basel (1431-49), both judging them to be in conformity with the Catholic faith; The Revelations were also strongly defended by numerous highly regarded theologians, including Jean Gerson (1363-1429), Chancellor of the University of Paris and Cardinal Juan de Torquemada (1388-1468).

You can always pray to the Archangel Raphael for a good relationship with a nice Catholic girl.

Hietanen, God doesn’t strickly forbid us the “pleasures of this earth.” We just need to have them in proper perspective. He comes first, always. But we are not to ignore those around us. We may not know who we impact, either for good or for bad. We have such a short time on earth, we must use that time for God’s will. And that may include marriage and other stuff.

Thank you all.

This is wonderful, especially how you all say different things but go to the same conclusions that: “I must focus on God, and stop pressuring myself”, if I’m not mistaken yet again. :slight_smile:

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE. I’ll take every advice into heart.

-> to caoindealbhan
What you’re suggesting (practice meeting with girls at times) is cool, and I can see it affecting my life in an amazing way, I’ll definitely try this, I want to try it now, but where do I start?, by where I mean what place, am I going to start looking for conversation in school, the mall, in church or something?, I guess I can handle just a little talk with a girl I like, I guess what’s really bothering me is the looks of people around, I mean they have eyes so they can see me, and I don’t say much in public when I’m not with one’s I’m comfortable with. I guess this “Practice”, through the grace of God, will help me cope with the feeling of being always looked at huh?, ^_^, anyways, thanks for the advice, this is really really helpful,


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