Not sure if this is the right forum, but here it goes…
I’m 38 and still single. I have had a lot of psychological issues to deal with from my childhood (grew up in an abusive home) and have had a lot of baggage that I’ve had to let go–thru a long process of counseling and prayer–and there’s still some more to go. I know because of my past, I have difficulty with trust and intimacy issues. I know that God has me on a path of healing/recovery from my past and am moving forward with my life.
I know logically that the abuse I had as a child is affecting me still–especially when it comes to social situations and relating to others. I also know that healing has occurred/still occuring as time progresses, and it’s just a matter of time. My heart/feelings though don’t always coincide with my ‘logic’. I hope this makes sense!
I still don’t know if it is God’s plan for me to get married someday…I sometimes feel that I am “doomed” to a life of loneliness. I KNOW that I am NOT alone…I know that Jesus is walking right beside me and I KNOW that I do have a circle (albeit small) of friends, but I just can’t help but feeling the doom and gloom.
I do go to church a bit–Sunday Mass, some daily Mass, and adoration. I am somewhat involved with church activities. My friends, especially my ‘secular’ ones, are telling me this is a detriment to my ‘romantic’ life–because I’m the “church lady” and no guy wants to date “the church lady”. I maintain that if my choice is to stay home and watch t.v. or go to Mass/Adoration, my choice would be to go to Mass/Adoration than to stay home.
I’m also getting the message that being in my late 30’s and still “pure” is a bad/negative thing–that there must be something wrong with me. I feel like it’s important to wait until my wedding night for that, and I would rather die an old maid with 40 cats then to lower my morals/standards for that. (BTW, I do NOT have 40 cats!)
I’m being told that I am too ‘old fashioned’…that I’m not being open-minded enough, that I’m not ‘with the times’.
I do feel like I’m the lone ranger most of the time, but I don’t want to feel that it’s a bad or negative thing. If it’s God’s will for me to get married–I’m sure He’ll bring the right person to me–I do want my future spouse to be a strong Catholic. I tell my friends that what better place to find a strong, Catholic man than at church? And if it’s God’s will that I remain single/celibate, then the church would also be a good hangout too.
Do I sound like a ‘normal’ person or do I need to check myself into the psychiatric ward? Is there anyone else out there who’s been (or is) down a similar path/road to this?