I could sure use some help! I have been married - happily - for almost 41yrs. My husband’s siblings seem to think that I need to do “my fair share” of caring for their mother. Let me first say that she is 85, not in the best shape, but she does get around. Her husband is 87, still works in landscaping and will not stay home with her to help unless it’s winter. I have 2 sisters-in-law who want to “live their own lives”, with their social agenda. My brother-in-law works landscaping with his dad but does go over to help out often. My husband works all week and does go over on Saturdays to help with her lunch, visiting and whatever else she wants. But golf season has started and he usually will golf during the day and stop over in the afternoon. She gets around fine but wants someone there to help her “in case she falls”. I do what I can but am not in the best of health myself. I don’t have the physical nor emotional energy to make a commitment, but will help out when it’s necessary. The real problem is my one sister-in-law gets really angry when she can’t call the shots, especially at me because the guilt trip won’t work. They feel I should make a commitment so they can go to their luncheons, movies, etc., and carry on with their social agenda. They have no problem with laying on the guilt to me that I don’t do what they think I should be doing!
I have issues with the fact that their dad should have retired long ago and it’s his responsibility to be caring for his wife, along with the siblings. Why is this my responsibility and why should I be made to feel guilty because I say no? I have suggested paying a nursing service to come in several days a week - they can more than afford it - but my mother-in-law doesn’t want a “stranger” in the house! I told my sisters-in-law that we could have a luncheon to introduce this person to my mother-in-law so she could get to know her. They won’t hear of it because they say “you know mom, she doesn’t want that”!
I hope I’ve explained this ok - I’m just so upset because this happens every spring and it’s started again this year. Part of me just wants to keep saying no and the other part wonders if God is putting something in front of me and I’m refusing. I just can’t help but wonder why God would ask me to do this when all my in-laws are quite capable and just want to maintain their own social activities.
An objective view of this would be so very much appreciated. I can’t even look at it objectively anymore myself! Thank yo all so much.