[quote="jonesy, post:29, topic:195160"]
First of all, I would like to thank you all for your thoughtful advice. I would like you all to know that I do help with my mil and have always done so. As I stated before, my fil is 87, continues to work in landscaping (great health) and really wants very little to do with my mil. He does do things in the evening - fix dinner, etc., but there's not much of a relationship between him and his wife. He feels it's his "kids" responsibility (old Italian thinking). My sil's try to dictate what everyone will do and that's probably the kink in my mind. They have no right to call the shots. My husband does his share, bil does his, but most of the "lady" stuff falls on my sil's and me. I am glad to help, but not when my sil's have their golf on Monday, luncheons on Tuesdays, card club on Wed, etc. And that's where I have a tremendous resentment. And yes, we do marry the "family", but not to the point where it should impede my relationship with my husband because his siblings and parents want what they want when they want it. Sorry, I absolutely reject that. It's co-dependent, enabling and completely unhealthy.
I took care of my parents and was honored to do so. At the same time, I cared for a sister who died recently of breast cancer. My parents died shortly before she did and this just happened a year ago. And just after that, my niece was killed in an ATV accident, so I've been dealing with extreme loss. And I guarantee you, other than my husband and my bil's wife, NO ONE in my husbands family has ever offered any condolence other than at the funeral. But as I stated in my first post, if my siblings (and there are 10 of us) or I couldn't do something, I would NEVER have dictated to any of my brothers' wives nor my sisters' husbands that they had to do it and SHARE the responsibilities. Furthermore, my sil's husbands are never asked to do anything no do they offer.
I told my husband this morning that I will commit to some more time each week for my mil, out of love and respect for him. But mostly because I will be doing this out of love of God and to see the face of Christ in my mil. As one of you suggested, I will set boundaries, because in this family, you give an inch and they'll take a mile. But I cannot let my resentment and anger dictate what I do in the end. Because in the end, maybe God is putting this in front of me because my mil might just need me in a way I'm not discerning. And in the end, it is Our Lord I will be facing, it is Our Lord whom I want to please. I want to do this with great love in my heart and today, at Mass, I looked at Our Lord and made that decision.
God Bless you all for your thoughts and I ask for your prayers. You will certainly be in mine.
Ok, to me it sounds like you have caregiver burnout yourself, so take care of yourself. You sisters can work out their mon-tues-wed play dates :rolleyes: That's just nuts. They don't need to be out playing every day while you take care of their mother. Sounds like they want you to take over where you left off with your sister, and that's just plain unkind. You need to take care of you as well.
Sounds like you have a good plan! Stick with it! Contribute as you can, and set those boundaries :)