I’ve just been worrying about the long-term possibilities of my relationship with my boyfriend. We’re planning to get married, and he’s applied for a visa to move to Canada, and we’re madly in love with each other. I know he’s the kind of man who will help me be a better person and who will lead me to heaven, as I’ve heard other posters say a spouse should. I just worry sometimes that I’m not up to the task.
One of the reasons I love him is that he takes such good care of his family. He has two daughters from a previous (non) marriage, and he supports them (his mother is raising them while he’s working overseas - it’s a cultural thing), and he sends money to his grandmother for medication, and is sending money to his sister whose husband left her with a newborn baby at home. He encourages me to treat my family the same way - not necessarily financially, but to look after their needs and to make sure they’re okay. He wouldn’t hear of me missing my brother’s wedding, even though it’s a 15 hour flight and I’d have to take time off work.
My problem is that I worry that I’m going to resent his high standards and his generosity later on. I’m worried I’ll want the comforts that we can’t afford if we’re supporting his family. I know that I can’t ask him to stop supporting his relatives, although we will certainly discuss making sure what we give is within our means. It’s a cultural issue - he’s Filipino, and in his culture those with money support those without. And I agree with it and admire it, but I’m worried I’m going to change my mind in five years or ten.
He gives first, and trusts God and his own resources to meet his own needs. I feel safer meeting my own needs first, and then giving. I’m worried that I’ll go to buy clothes for his daughters or diapers for our future kids and find there’s no money in the bank because he’s given it to someone who needs it more, and I’m going to lose it. Or that I’ll resent him being around less for our family because he’s working overtime to send money to an aunt or uncle that we only see once a year or less.
I guess it comes down to me being a little selfish and not really being sure that God will provide if we keep giving it all away when He does. And I guess I’m afraid that my husband-to-be isn’t going to be able to say no when we can’t help someone.
Besides talking about this with my boyfriend, should I be worrying about this? Is this a case of needing to let go and put more faith in God, or is it a case of needing to sort out the cultural issues before marriage? Or both?