Am I Supposed To Feel This Way?


#1

Ok so going to make this short, I was given £20 after selling some of my old toys and such and with that money I put aside to do with what I will.
Today I saw a game that my friend gave me beta access too but not the full game and so I spent £8.99 of that money on the game, now one my friends really wanted this game he went out and ordered a cable specifically to play it only to find out that the game was being released tomorrow and he could not afford to buy it.
I had enough money and I was contemplating for some time whether to buy it for him or not in the end I bought it for him, I mean I knew he really wanted this game so I decided to get it for him, on receiving it he kept saying I'd pay you back in which I refused and told him not to worry about it.
I'd admit he uses quite a lot of borderline racist jokes and such, but at the end of the day he is my friend and I cannot really help that matter(I just look at it as long as I am not influencing these views or enforcing them or they are enforcing me).
(Also is this Detraction here by saying this?)
In all honestly I didn't really want to part with another £9 but I knew how much he wanted it and so I did it, but also I am not really feeling anything after doing it, I was maybe expecting to feel good about making somebody happy by doing it but I feel the same as I was before is this normal?
I don't usually do this often as I do not usually have much money to give away like this, but anyway is it normal to feel the same after giving someone something that will make them happy?

-Michael


#2

Hi Michael,

Its better to feel nothing than to feel smug and self satisfied about how generous we are.

You get reward for not dwelling on your own generosity but just doing it.

And keep showing your friend how to not make racist jokes,I hope they get the message soon.

God bless+


#3

[quote="FrancisBenedict, post:2, topic:328048"]
Hi Michael,

Its better to feel nothing than to feel smug and self satisfied about how generous we are.

You get reward for not dwelling on your own generosity but just doing it.

And keep showing your friend how to not make racist jokes,I hope they get the message soon.

God bless+

[/quote]

Thank you, it's just sometimes when I have say helped somebody with something like carrying some boxes or what not afterwards I felt kinda warm inside, but this emotion just kinda confused me a little bit.


#4

Feelings are tricky things. They are like a barometer that goes up and down with the weather. They are not logical. They just are. Your gift to your friend appears to be a good act. If you had not given him the game, it would also be good. The game is not something that your friend needs for his spiritual, physical, or mental well-being. What is hear from you statement is that you expected to feel better about it than you do. If you are conflicted in your feelings about it, it would be good to place those feelings before the Lord in prayer and ask Him to help you sort them out. If you gave it to your friend thinking you would feel good, your intentions may not have been for the right reason. Offer this the the Lord. Even though our gift is imperfect (which most time they are because we are human) the Lord will accept our offering.


#5

[quote="bcuster, post:4, topic:328048"]
Feelings are tricky things. They are like a barometer that goes up and down with the weather. They are not logical. They just are. Your gift to your friend appears to be a good act. If you had not given him the game, it would also be good. The game is not something that your friend needs for his spiritual, physical, or mental well-being. What is hear from you statement is that you expected to feel better about it than you do. If you are conflicted in your feelings about it, it would be good to place those feelings before the Lord in prayer and ask Him to help you sort them out. If you gave it to your friend thinking you would feel good, your intentions may not have been for the right reason. Offer this the the Lord. Even though our gift is imperfect (which most time they are because we are human) the Lord will accept our offering.

[/quote]

I think I more gave it too my friend as I knew he wanted the game and I supposed I felt a little bit guilty that I had the money and I think I would of perhaps felt bad if I did not get it for him when I could have done so, I think that was the main reason as too why I brought it for him.
Although I don't think I went did it in order to feel good about buying it but more out of guilt that If I didn't do it when I had the money and knowing he wanted it so badly I would have felt worse about myself.


#6

[quote="FrancisBenedict, post:2, topic:328048"]

And keep showing your friend how to not make racist jokes,I hope they get the message soon.

God bless+

[/quote]

Also when you say keep showing your friend how to not make racist jokes, do I tell him not to make any of those jokes or should I just continue to ignore the racist jokes when the occur and hope that the message gets across.
Much Regards -Michael


#7

Assuming you are Catholic on this Catholic Forum, perhaps your questions come from a sense of "what is good giving?" If I have money to spare, is it good to give to my friend who wants to buy a game? Is it better to give to him if he needs a meal? Is it better to give to a food bank that can stretch your dollars and feed many more? Is it Ok to save money so I can cover my own future needs?

Do I give to the person who is going to spend it on alcohol and drugs? If I owe someone else, should I pay them back first? If I need shoes, should I give it to someone who needs to pay their phone bill?

Some of these decisions are clear, some are personal choices and some require deeper questioning. It is good that you are trying to understand these things.

The act of giving to someone who you do not fully admire shows character on your part; the issue of feeling guilty might be worth looking into, especially if it is something you feel happens mostly when you are around him. Also, is the guilt from a sense of unworthiness next to other human beings or a sense of unworthiness next to God and His great generosity? These questions answered might help you understand how to give in the future.


#8

[quote="Auntie_A, post:7, topic:328048"]
Assuming you are Catholic on this Catholic Forum, perhaps your questions come from a sense of "what is good giving?" If I have money to spare, is it good to give to my friend who wants to buy a game? Is it better to give to him if he needs a meal? Is it better to give to a food bank that can stretch your dollars and feed many more? Is it Ok to save money so I can cover my own future needs?

Do I give to the person who is going to spend it on alcohol and drugs? If I owe someone else, should I pay them back first? If I need shoes, should I give it to someone who needs to pay their phone bill?

Some of these decisions are clear, some are personal choices and some require deeper questioning. It is good that you are trying to understand these things.

The act of giving to someone who you do not fully admire shows character on your part; the issue of feeling guilty might be worth looking into, especially if it is something you feel happens mostly when you are around him. Also, is the guilt from a sense of unworthiness next to other human beings or a sense of unworthiness next to God and His great generosity? These questions answered might help you understand how to give in the future.

[/quote]

The guilt mainly comes from the fact that I knew he really wanted the game quite badly and I would have just felt bad I think if I just let him go by after the trouble of him buying a cable for it too just let it go by and let him be angry or sad, while I did nothing when I had the money in which I could afford to buy it I think i would have felt bad for not acting when I easily could have and made him happy in the process.


#9

[quote="Blackspur7, post:1, topic:328048"]
Ok so going to make this short, I was given £20 after selling some of my old toys and such and with that money I put aside to do with what I will.
Today I saw a game that my friend gave me beta access too but not the full game and so I spent £8.99 of that money on the game, now one my friends really wanted this game he went out and ordered a cable specifically to play it only to find out that the game was being released tomorrow and he could not afford to buy it.
I had enough money and I was contemplating for some time whether to buy it for him or not in the end I bought it for him, I mean I knew he really wanted this game so I decided to get it for him, on receiving it he kept saying I'd pay you back in which I refused and told him not to worry about it.
I'd admit he uses quite a lot of borderline racist jokes and such, but at the end of the day he is my friend and I cannot really help that matter(I just look at it as long as I am not influencing these views or enforcing them or they are enforcing me).
(Also is this Detraction here by saying this?)
In all honestly I didn't really want to part with another £9 but I knew how much he wanted it and so I did it, but also I am not really feeling anything after doing it, I was maybe expecting to feel good about making somebody happy by doing it but I feel the same as I was before is this normal?
I don't usually do this often as I do not usually have much money to give away like this, but anyway is it normal to feel the same after giving someone something that will make them happy?

-Michael

[/quote]

Generosity is all about making the other guy feel good, not so much yourself. You made a nice gesture of friendship and maybe (or not) someone will do the same for you some day. :thumbsup:


#10

Whatever you think will pass your message with peace.


#11

perhaps you should approach your pastor for some spiritual counseling.


#12

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