Am I to jealous or overeacting


#1

I could use some advice on my conduct and thoughts regarding my fiance. My fiance is a nurse and an EMT_Paramedic. I have had some struggles with her work due to how it requires her have to be with mostly at times with all men where shes the only woman. Also I have had to know that she has had to sleep at apartments at night agian with men that she or I know nothing about. She says that thats the nature of the job yet it has realy been hard on me. I trust her yet there has been many times where she seemed to be very happy almost flirtacious with these guys at her work. I think mostly I am strugling with a woman that cheated on me in the past. I realy just have a hard time when I think of possible infidelity. Luckly she just finished up this morning and is done with this type of work for now. Has anyone else gone through anything like this before? Thanks.


#2

I've been in a similar situation, except I was the one who worked with many people of the opposite sex. When you work closely with a group of people, it's natural that you are going to become friends with some of them. Unfortunately, this drove my (first) wife right up the wall with jealousy. No matter how much I tried to assure her that there was nothing "going on," she just couldn't get over it. In the end, her jealousy was at least part of the reason we're not married anymore.

The way I see it, your fiancee is either the type of person who will cheat on you, or she's not. Yes, it sounds as if she might have lots of opportunities, but if she's not the type to do it, she won't. You just have to trust her. Now, if she is trustworthy and not the type to cheat, but you still have these feelings, well, that's your issue. You can either get over it, learn to deal with it, or let it poison your relationship. Take it from someone who's been there - dealing with an unreasonably jealous spouse gets real old, real fast.

Best of luck to you.


#3

Thanks so much Rick. That's realy sad but helpfull. Sorry about your situation. I think it mostly is me Rick cause my first cheated on me an had an afair while we were married. I know I'm not the one to cheat, yet I guess I feel that I wish I could get some kind of heart felt statement from this woman I love so dearly that she wants to be true to me allways. I have been praying about it a lot. I do agree with your therory. I don't realy think shes is the one to cheat. I did not feel the same about the girl I married. This woman I am to marry now is so very wonderfull. I feel so guilty when I think these things. I pray that I will overcome this problem cause I'm begining to think it's me. Thanks Rick , my prayers to you and all on this blog. :thumbsup:


#4

If you don't trust her now, you won't trust her after you are married. Have you two talked about it? Does she plan on keeping this job after she is married? If she does quit because of your insecurities, will she be ok with that, or will she resent you for forcing her to choose between a job she loves and your lack of trust in her? You need to stop comparing her to your ex-wife and accept her for who she is to you now. There are no guarentees in life. I'm sure your first wife did not marry you with the intention of cheating on you during the marriage, it just happened. Weddings are public because the couple pledges their love and fathfulness, out loud, to each other, in the presence of family and friends. You can't get a more heartfelt statement of loyality than that. You should think about putting the wedding plans on hold until you can resolve this issue, it can only lead to trouble later on.


#5

I do trust her now that's why I stated I think it's me. Yes we have talked about it. She is sensitive to my past as I am hers. She will still be a nurse after we are married yet she has finsished this type of work that causes her to have to be in these sittuations. Also we don't plan on having her work so we can concentrate on children and having a family. She does not hold resentments nor do I. No record of wrongs Corinthians - Love is paitent love is kind. I'm not so much comparing her to my ex as I have the shell shock reaction to infidelity and when I think it might be present. Sort of like a dog that's been abused flinches when even a kind hand would just want to pet it. Yes there are NOT MANY guarentees in life. Yet if I made a promise to be faithfull to my wife, YES it will be guarenteed!!!!!!!! Some things should be guarenteed. I forgave my ex and asked her to keep the marrige. Again keeping with her unfaithfullness she then wanted a divorce. Yes weddings are exactly what you said. That is a great way to put it. I can't wait for our wedding. I will feel so blessed to be with this wonderfull woman. There will be no delay. I have seen that God is blessing us in so many ways. This is not a major stubling block. Just as Joshep was helped by an angel sent by God when he suspected Mary of infidelity and cheating on him, He was helped. So God also is healing and helping me through this struggle. Have you ever been cheated on??? Thanks for your opinion. God bless you .<><;)


#6

If the two of you have brought Christ into your relationship and you are involved in a chaste and celibate courtship, then you have nothing to worry about. :thumbsup:


#7

Yep, Your right Mtn Dwller. We do have christ in our relationship and we will not know eachothers bodies until we are married. We are the othe 3rd's in our triune relationship with God. 1,2,3, God, Her , Me. 3 in 1. Thanks God bless.:thumbsup:


#8

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