An anger problem


#1

Hello everyone. Does any person out there have a anger problem? I am talking about an anger that interference with other people. An anger that is out of control or a rage. If so, were you able to change and how did you do it. I have been married to my husband for 7 years and he has a terrible anger problem. He was abused as a child, sexually, physically and verbally. I did not know this prior to the marriage. I knew he was angry a lot, but thought is was because his mother hated the Catholic Church and he was studying to be a priest. He was told by one of the monestary that he was immature to be a priest. I met him when he was 27 years old. He is now 33 soon to be 34. Since our wedding day, I have found out that he has Borderline Personality Disorder. These are very angry people. I know that I have always asked the Lord to make me holy. I still crave to be holy. Being married to a difficult man has challenged the easy life I had with nice people. My husband has improved so much since our wedding day. He is on psychiatric medication and has his crosses as well. I see him watching so much TV more and more each day. He easily gets addicted to things, which is a symptom or characteristic of his disorder. He has been addicted to pornography, and has an addiction to movies, TV, food, and smoking. He also use to be addicted to sodas and has finally backed off from that. He put on so much weigh since we married. He is depressed a lot and hates himself and our life. This is normal feeling for his disorder. He was just recently told he has parkinson disease. He has a lot to deal with, but the anger is the worst of all his problems. He hates the way he treats me and talks to me. He is always sorry afterwards. He does not hit me or out daughter. I won’t allow him to discipline our daughter much and this causes problems between us, but if anyone out there knows about borderlines, they can get out of control and I don’t want my daughter abused. The anger already affects her. I talked to a priest about all this and he sees that I am at peace with all this, I wasn’t for a long time. He said, of course, my daughter comes first and if things got to the point where this affects her, I should leave him. He did not recommend that for now. He did say my husband needs a spiritual director and to spend time before the Blessed Sacrament and to attend Daily Mass, since he can for he doesn’t work. I mentioned this to my husband and he went one time to Mass and has not gone again, I mean the daily Mass. He does go to weekly confession. The anger is still there. Please any advise from those who suffered from an anger problem would be greatly appreciated. By the way, he was in an anger management group for 1 year at the Veterans Affair Clinic. This just recently discontinued the program. :eek:


#2

Ok first off i will say i had an anger problem but not to that degree at all. I have worked with many individuals that have had anger problems to that degree though,

I am a martial arts Instructor, Martial arts helped me to control my anger, and I in turn have helped tons of others achieve the same,Its not a cure all but it is in my opinion better than anger management, as MA as we call it gives you the chance to relief some of that anger in a safe situation. the martial arts or MA is not just about learning how to fight, its a way of life after a while everything you do and say reflects upon what you have trained and learned.
If he is willing have him give this a try, it will boost his self asteem, self control, give him confidence,and will probably also get him to mass eventually ( it did me)

By no means is this a 100 % cure all remember but it is a positive chance that has a very very high success rate

Athough i personally feel all Martial arts styles have great potentials and uses I feel a Tae kwon do or a tang soo do class would be best suited for this purpose as they do more aggression relieving activities, these classes are also something that an entire family can participate in,esspecially children,
nothing is more rewarding than the family going to a tournament and competing the whole day is spent helping each other
and boosting each other

I hope others also will step up with more ideas for you to consider.


                        John

#3

[quote=nana3]Hello everyone. Does any person out there have a anger problem? I am talking about an anger that interference with other people. An anger that is out of control or a rage. If so, were you able to change and how did you do it. I have been married to my husband for 7 years and he has a terrible anger problem. He was abused as a child, sexually, physically and verbally. I did not know this prior to the marriage. I knew he was angry a lot, but thought is was because his mother hated the Catholic Church and he was studying to be a priest. He was told by one of the monestary that he was immature to be a priest. I met him when he was 27 years old. He is now 33 soon to be 34. Since our wedding day, I have found out that he has Borderline Personality Disorder. These are very angry people. I know that I have always asked the Lord to make me holy. I still crave to be holy. Being married to a difficult man has challenged the easy life I had with nice people. My husband has improved so much since our wedding day. He is on psychiatric medication and has his crosses as well. I see him watching so much TV more and more each day. He easily gets addicted to things, which is a symptom or characteristic of his disorder. He has been addicted to pornography, and has an addiction to movies, TV, food, and smoking. He also use to be addicted to sodas and has finally backed off from that. He put on so much weigh since we married. He is depressed a lot and hates himself and our life. This is normal feeling for his disorder. He was just recently told he has parkinson disease. He has a lot to deal with, but the anger is the worst of all his problems. He hates the way he treats me and talks to me. He is always sorry afterwards. He does not hit me or out daughter. I won’t allow him to discipline our daughter much and this causes problems between us, but if anyone out there knows about borderlines, they can get out of control and I don’t want my daughter abused. The anger already affects her. I talked to a priest about all this and he sees that I am at peace with all this, I wasn’t for a long time. He said, of course, my daughter comes first and if things got to the point where this affects her, I should leave him. He did not recommend that for now. He did say my husband needs a spiritual director and to spend time before the Blessed Sacrament and to attend Daily Mass, since he can for he doesn’t work. I mentioned this to my husband and he went one time to Mass and has not gone again, I mean the daily Mass. He does go to weekly confession. The anger is still there. Please any advise from those who suffered from an anger problem would be greatly appreciated. By the way, he was in an anger management group for 1 year at the Veterans Affair Clinic. This just recently discontinued the program. :eek:
[/quote]

You definitely have a special cross in being married to someone who is diagnosed with borderline. Has your husband sought treatment specific to borderline, such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)? It was specifically designed for people with the borderline diagnosis and can be very effective. I would strongly encourage looking into that if you have not already, as it would address many of the concerns you have as well.


#4

Thanks to you two who have responsed so far. As far as Martial Arts go, my husband physically can not do it, even though he has interest in it. It is not so much the Parkinson’s but his legs. The Navy made mistakes in his simple bunionectomy and in his recovery. He walks with a cane, but also uses a motorized scooter. He is losing lots of his balance and coordination though due to the parkinsons. It is a great idea and he would love it for our daughter is with ATA, but can’t do it. Maybe we don’t know what you MA instructors know because my daughters ATA school seems to think that my husband can do it. They said they have people in wheelchairs. But how would he kick or balance on one leg? Please if there is something we don’t know let me know for I would be willing to tell him to try it. My only complaint is that the ATA school our daughter goes to is all about money. They are trying to get us to sign a three year contract and more money (lots) to do so. WE stopped her karate for now, but the school has called.
As far as what goraven has said about about DBT, I have never heard of it. What is it? He is seeing a pyschologist, but all he does is give him relaxation tapes. It is no good for him for one of his biggest problems is relaxing. He is not at peace at all. I see him getting worse too. It is as if he gave up. He smokes and over eats so that he could die sooner. He really hates himself. IF you understand Borderlines, they are very difficult people. Yes, he had an appointment one time, that I made, with a psychiatrist in our medical plan, who specializes in Borderline. Unfortunately, it was at a behavioral center for teens where his mother had him commited when he was in high school. He said there was too many bad memories and would not stay. He doesn’t realize that he needs to work on all those bad memories. By the way, yes, it is a cross, but it is one the Lord has given me and I accept it. It was much worse when we were first married. I thought I was going to go crazy at that way he misunderstood everything I said, blamed me for everything, and got angry at the drop of a hat. It was terrible. I wanted a divorce many times. But when I saw that I had to fight for us both and our daughter, I started to do research and going to his appointements. It was there that I saw accidently, on the doctors computer, the diagnosis of Borderline. I then went home and researched it and he has it. I then bought the book, Stop Walking on Eggshell, and that has helped me in how to talk to him and how he understand what I say. It was scary at first, but with education and much prayer, daily Mass and Eucharistic Adoration, the Lord with me, I can do it. :thumbsup: That is not to say at times I want to give up and get out.


#5

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