Hello everyone! It’s a pleasure to be with all of you again. I would like some guidance on the following dilemma:
I started high-school only four months ago, and within the first month up to now I have encountered many social problems and trials, which is to be expected from any time in a public school. This has led me to question my way of living and how I should act in the eyes of both God and my peers.
The issues I experienced in my first moments at school were not entirely incorporated into my life, but were present nonetheless. The main concern here would be my friend and the young gentleman she began “dating.” This event did not entirely affect my life, but was somewhat present. It was not entirely present in my life in that my friend and the young gentleman were not I, they were and still are their own person, with their own lives, separate from mine. Since I was not a key component in their relationship, it had no great affect on my life. It did affect my in a small manner, though, and it will affect me in a big manner in the end. Now, you see, I love this friend of mine, and to watch them live their lives with much love in their hearts for the other caused the seed of jealously to sprout within me. I began to envy him greatly, thinking ,“I’m better than this person she’s in love with” and ,“Certainly, I deserve her more than he ever would.” This jealously only grew greater and taller, as a plant does. I soon began realizing that depression and anger started growing in my heart, and I became more stressed and more upset as the days went on and they grew closer in their relationship. Though, finally, it all ended when the young gentleman’s own conscience betrayed him, which led them to separate. It is now that my friend is living her life normally, while the young gentleman longs for her back, but to no avail.
Now pardon me while I say this, but let me say it so that it may play out properly in the end: I was in a meeting with my parish youth group recently, which mostly consists of awkward, uncertain teenagers (such as myself). The topic on hand was dating and friends. The group leader told us, from her experience, that it’s not worth pursuing friends, popularity, or the like, but rather God. Although we may not realize it now, God is much a bigger deal than someone who only spends a portion of my life with me, while God spends an eternity. I was also told that if I were to absolutely live my life for God, and Him alone, then he would provide for me, practically making it as if I should have never even considered pursuing social advances. This is where my confusion arises.
As I stated, it is now that my friend is living without the young gentleman in mind, acting as free as the wind itself. Now, since that time, I have chased after my own friend with the intent of planting the seed of love in her heart for me, if such a wild goal could be achieved. She knows I love her, as I have for an extensive period of time, but as it is to be expected of anyone that terminates a relationship, she is not inclined to the thought of starting a new one. This is where I am at while I type now.
Now here me out as I end. I wish to pursue my friend in love, but it is hurting me. As I only partially encountered while my friend and the young gentleman were dating, I have begun experiencing worry, of all things. I worry that when she finally becomes inclined to a loving relationship, that she will avert her eyes from me and turn to another man, sending me on a relapse of the first event. This is one of my greatest fears, because of the love I hold in my heart for her.
As I said it would play out, I am but also concerned with the teachings of my higher-ups and the teachings of sacred scripture. I hear the call to pursue God in His majesty, but yearn to fall into a loving relationship with my friend. I am not sure what I should do, and I hope to achieve guidance in the situation. Please, if you can, guide me on my path.
Thanks for hearing my tale. I’m sure it was much more boring than I thought it would be.
Have a good day everyone, and God bless you all!