[An Enthralling Story] My Friend, My Life, and the Confusions That Exist


#1

Hello everyone! It’s a pleasure to be with all of you again. I would like some guidance on the following dilemma:

I started high-school only four months ago, and within the first month up to now I have encountered many social problems and trials, which is to be expected from any time in a public school. This has led me to question my way of living and how I should act in the eyes of both God and my peers.

The issues I experienced in my first moments at school were not entirely incorporated into my life, but were present nonetheless. The main concern here would be my friend and the young gentleman she began “dating.” This event did not entirely affect my life, but was somewhat present. It was not entirely present in my life in that my friend and the young gentleman were not I, they were and still are their own person, with their own lives, separate from mine. Since I was not a key component in their relationship, it had no great affect on my life. It did affect my in a small manner, though, and it will affect me in a big manner in the end. Now, you see, I love this friend of mine, and to watch them live their lives with much love in their hearts for the other caused the seed of jealously to sprout within me. I began to envy him greatly, thinking ,“I’m better than this person she’s in love with” and ,“Certainly, I deserve her more than he ever would.” This jealously only grew greater and taller, as a plant does. I soon began realizing that depression and anger started growing in my heart, and I became more stressed and more upset as the days went on and they grew closer in their relationship. Though, finally, it all ended when the young gentleman’s own conscience betrayed him, which led them to separate. It is now that my friend is living her life normally, while the young gentleman longs for her back, but to no avail.

Now pardon me while I say this, but let me say it so that it may play out properly in the end: I was in a meeting with my parish youth group recently, which mostly consists of awkward, uncertain teenagers (such as myself). The topic on hand was dating and friends. The group leader told us, from her experience, that it’s not worth pursuing friends, popularity, or the like, but rather God. Although we may not realize it now, God is much a bigger deal than someone who only spends a portion of my life with me, while God spends an eternity. I was also told that if I were to absolutely live my life for God, and Him alone, then he would provide for me, practically making it as if I should have never even considered pursuing social advances. This is where my confusion arises.

As I stated, it is now that my friend is living without the young gentleman in mind, acting as free as the wind itself. Now, since that time, I have chased after my own friend with the intent of planting the seed of love in her heart for me, if such a wild goal could be achieved. She knows I love her, as I have for an extensive period of time, but as it is to be expected of anyone that terminates a relationship, she is not inclined to the thought of starting a new one. This is where I am at while I type now.

Now here me out as I end. I wish to pursue my friend in love, but it is hurting me. As I only partially encountered while my friend and the young gentleman were dating, I have begun experiencing worry, of all things. I worry that when she finally becomes inclined to a loving relationship, that she will avert her eyes from me and turn to another man, sending me on a relapse of the first event. This is one of my greatest fears, because of the love I hold in my heart for her.

As I said it would play out, I am but also concerned with the teachings of my higher-ups and the teachings of sacred scripture. I hear the call to pursue God in His majesty, but yearn to fall into a loving relationship with my friend. I am not sure what I should do, and I hope to achieve guidance in the situation. Please, if you can, guide me on my path.

Thanks for hearing my tale. I’m sure it was much more boring than I thought it would be.:smiley:

Have a good day everyone, and God bless you all!

THP


#2

[quote="TheHockeyPlayer, post:1, topic:347666"]
Hello everyone! It's a pleasure to be with all of you again. I would like some guidance on the following dilemma:

I started high-school only four months ago, and within the first month up to now I have encountered many social problems and trials, which is to be expected from any time in a public school. This has led me to question my way of living and how I should act in the eyes of both God and my peers.

The issues I experienced in my first moments at school were not entirely incorporated into my life, but were present nonetheless. The main concern here would be my friend and the young gentleman she began "dating." This event did not entirely affect my life, but was somewhat present. It was not entirely present in my life in that my friend and the young gentleman were not I, they were and still are their own person, with their own lives, separate from mine. Since I was not a key component in their relationship, it had no great affect on my life. It did affect my in a small manner, though, and it will affect me in a big manner in the end. Now, you see, I love this friend of mine, and to watch them live their lives with much love in their hearts for the other caused the seed of jealously to sprout within me. I began to envy him greatly, thinking ,"I'm better than this person she's in love with" and ,"Certainly, I deserve her more than he ever would." This jealously only grew greater and taller, as a plant does. I soon began realizing that depression and anger started growing in my heart, and I became more stressed and more upset as the days went on and they grew closer in their relationship. Though, finally, it all ended when the young gentleman's own conscience betrayed him, which led them to separate. It is now that my friend is living her life normally, while the young gentleman longs for her back, but to no avail.

Now pardon me while I say this, but let me say it so that it may play out properly in the end: I was in a meeting with my parish youth group recently, which mostly consists of awkward, uncertain teenagers (such as myself). The topic on hand was dating and friends. The group leader told us, from her experience, that it's not worth pursuing friends, popularity, or the like, but rather God. Although we may not realize it now, God is much a bigger deal than someone who only spends a portion of my life with me, while God spends an eternity. I was also told that if I were to absolutely live my life for God, and Him alone, then he would provide for me, practically making it as if I should have never even considered pursuing social advances. This is where my confusion arises.

As I stated, it is now that my friend is living without the young gentleman in mind, acting as free as the wind itself. Now, since that time, I have chased after my own friend with the intent of planting the seed of love in her heart for me, if such a wild goal could be achieved. She knows I love her, as I have for an extensive period of time, but as it is to be expected of anyone that terminates a relationship, she is not inclined to the thought of starting a new one. This is where I am at while I type now.

Now here me out as I end. I wish to pursue my friend in love, but it is hurting me. As I only partially encountered while my friend and the young gentleman were dating, I have begun experiencing worry, of all things. I worry that when she finally becomes inclined to a loving relationship, that she will avert her eyes from me and turn to another man, sending me on a relapse of the first event. This is one of my greatest fears, because of the love I hold in my heart for her.

As I said it would play out, I am but also concerned with the teachings of my higher-ups and the teachings of sacred scripture. I hear the call to pursue God in His majesty, but yearn to fall into a loving relationship with my friend. I am not sure what I should do, and I hope to achieve guidance in the situation. Please, if you can, guide me on my path.

Thanks for hearing my tale. I'm sure it was much more boring than I thought it would be.:D

Have a good day everyone, and God bless you all!

THP

[/quote]

I just want to make sure I understand you. So, you want to date this girl, but you are wondering if it's okay with God?

Those feeling are normal, especially for your age! Put God first, which means that you would respect her...be friends.....only be intimate with your spouse, one day. It means you would abstain out respect for her, yourself, and God as temples of the Holy Spirit.
You were both made in the divine image

Is that your question?


#3

don't rush it, if you just started high school, that means you're only like 13 right?

the purpose of dating is to eventually enter in to marriage.

do you think you'll be ready for that anytime soon?

take it one day at a time, you don't want to make any rash decisions and end up pushing your friend away; i've seen it happen too many times to count. just pray for God to guide you and when the time is right, it will happen. i will pray for you. sorry i couldn't be more help, i'm not really the relationship type of person


#4

Op, you have a rather long rambling post but if I understand you right, you have fallen in love with someone that is seeing someone else? I'm going to speak to you as a mom,
I would focus on your studies and hockey. Before you know it, you will be out of HS and have moved on (hopefully college). You will scatter from the high school friends and scene. Worrying about all these romantic entanglements is kinda normal for HS and HS is a contrived existence anyway. focus not on your emotions but finishing and doing well in HS. Since you seem to play hockey with your name, focus on your sport. You are too young to get serious with someone. You have a lot of growing up to do and so does the girl you like. (every teenage has a lot of growing up to do)


#5

You're too young to get serious.

I had this same conversation with my mother when I was around your age. I wanted to get serious, and my mother told me, in so many words that I was still too young.


#6

If you can excuse the impertinence from a stranger; you sound very young. We all remember the times of youth when we have over- thought a situation of the heart. Living is what happens whilst you are over thinking any situation and you wake up one day to find everything including your feelings have changed.

Is chasing a girl and love for God mutually incompatible? Most married Catholics would not agree. Indeed for most of us the married life is a fulfilling and fruitful vocation. For that men need a girl. Catching her is often a lot of fun of which Christ approves if it is licit.
Let life happen. Try to catch your love interest's heart, however let any disappointment be fleeting. Many find their love through just living... surprising how God,s love brings Itself to bear on our lives.

Don't stress over your life and enjoy the days of your youth. You would be surprised at the stresses ahead.Good luck with your future with the Eternal Christ and the love of a faithful wife in the future, which hopefully will continue for all of us after death.


#7

[quote="robwar, post:4, topic:347666"]
Op, you have a rather long rambling post but if I understand you right, you have fallen in love with someone that is seeing someone else? I'm going to speak to you as a mom,
I would focus on your studies and hockey. Before you know it, you will be out of HS and have moved on (hopefully college). You will scatter from the high school friends and scene. Worrying about all these romantic entanglements is kinda normal for HS and HS is a contrived existence anyway. focus not on your emotions but finishing and doing well in HS. Since you seem to play hockey with your name, focus on your sport. You are too young to get serious with someone. You have a lot of growing up to do and so does the girl you like. (every teenage has a lot of growing up to do)

[/quote]

Thank you for telling me this. This is what I partially wanted to hear.

I've been told and told again that if I put God first and live my life normally, then everything will fall into place. I have confidence in God, that He will allow this to happen, everything falling into place, but I've found that in such a corrupt world where God is being put down, it's hard to easily place trust in Him. Truth be told, the scene is so bad that I'm starting to doubt my faith. You and I both know that He exists, but me saying my faith is diminishing really just means it's hard to put everything in His hands. It seems more favorable to go after the person I love, but only because of what the world is telling me.

Based on what everyone is saying by far, I think I'll simply live out my life normally and maybe do something here and there in an effort to chase anyone whom I have interest in, but not go crazy.

... Thinking about that now actually seems a bit nice...

Please pray that God will deliver on what promises I've heard tell of Him. Please also pray that my faith may be built up.

Thank you, and everyone else, for your wisdom,

THP

EDIT: Sorry for making a rambling story; ever since I joined high-school, I've grown my imagination and learned to appreciate stories of every kind.

Thanks again...


#8

Be cautious about the Either/or ideas: "Either I must pursue the girl OR I become a priest. This is a set-up for drama, not living a life.

I believe your attraction for the girl came through your friendship with her boyfriend–that is kind of a conflict of interest. You became close to her through your proximity to him. Learn how to make your own friends and how to honor boundaries. Recognize that a strong attraction does not necessarily mean a true love. We can get snagged by all sorts of emotional tugs at our hearts in our teen years as well as adult years later.

I am not suggesting the priesthood over pursuing the sweetheart. I am suggesting you learn more about your own heart and how it gets snagged. There are often family influences, insecurities, jealousies, shyness that come into play in attraction,Things can feel very complicated very early. Learn how to stand alone, be a friend, stand up for all things that lead to God, stand against those things that block us from God. Learn how to develop the talents you were given. Be young while you are young.

If you become a priest you will want to understand youth from many different angles. So learn about yourself and others. Just don’t get all hot and heavy right now.

If you were ever to fall deeply in love and want to marry, how would you support your family? The problem with attractions at such an early age is that it charges our body with all sorts of currents but we really don’t even understand how our bodies work yet. Focus on school, Learn sports, music, social dancing, how to have fun, how to respect women, how to respect men. Don’t get snagged by the hormones yet. It’s a set-up for unhappiness.


#9

I re-read your post and wish to make a correction: It sounds like you were friends with her first but I still feel there was some sort of conflict of interest, with you being friends with her and all. I think it's best to leave things alone for awhile. There is something stupid and primal when you are 13 and your friend has a boyfriend. It could intensify your feelings before you are ready or without any good reason.

I hope I don't sound too patronizing to you as a teen; it's just that I was 13 once and acted like I was 35 and I missed out on a lot of normal living and development. I was betrayed when I was a teen and my adult years reflected many issues of trust and distrust. Better to be young while you are young. Save the complex relationship for when you are mature and able to make the leaps.


#10

[quote="Auntie_A, post:9, topic:347666"]
I re-read your post and wish to make a correction: It sounds like you were friends with her first but I still feel there was some sort of conflict of interest, with you being friends with her and all. I think it's best to leave things alone for awhile. There is something stupid and primal when you are 13 and your friend has a boyfriend. It could intensify your feelings before you are ready or without any good reason.

I hope I don't sound too patronizing to you as a teen; it's just that I was 13 once and acted like I was 35 and I missed out on a lot of normal living and development. I was betrayed when I was a teen and my adult years reflected many issues of trust and distrust. Better to be young while you are young. Save the complex relationship for when you are mature and able to make the leaps.

[/quote]

Thank you for your wisdom in this matter.

Not to be rude to anyone - I'm actually really grateful for all I've been told concerning this subject - but it's very hard to just decide to stop chasing after a person, especially with this girl. It's come to the point where I always think about her, I always worry about her, and I always feel depressed and upset when she thinks of focusing her eyes on others. I really want her to love me as I love her, but at the same time, I don't even know if I really love her or if I simply say I do. I'm always worried and frightened that she might turn to someone else, which is why I'm sitting on the fence, so to speak.

In the world today, it seems like the most awesome thing to get a girlfriend or boyfriend. Anyone who successfully gets one always seems to be honored. In such a world like this, I feel like I have to pursue a romantic interest in order to be happy. I know this is untrue, but it's very difficult to hold on to the belief that God is the source of all happiness in such a world.

Honestly, I want to pursue God, and every day I tell myself that I should, but I simply take a walk outside and I'm told otherwise. It's so hard to wait for what God has in store for me, I feel like I have to have it now. :(


#11

You are very open and honest about what you FEEL. This is good. But don't trust your feelings until they align with open and honest THOUGHTS. There seems to be a conflict at present.

Also, you are right about society praising relationships: Good society praises good and long lasting ones. Common society and our media often praise anything that lasts longer than a day...and that relationship could have broken up a family, a life, a heart and a soul.

In junior and high school the impression is that you are nothing unless you have a boy or girl friend when the reverse is probably more true. Pay attention to these societal rules but analyze them a bit more; some of them are oppressive if everyone applied them. Stop looking for A relationship; start looking for THE relationship and do all the necessary work to be a responsible boyfriend/husband: finish school, get a job, have a strong faith, accept responsibilities, become a man.

If she is right for you, God will work out the details in time; but intense feelings will not make a good, lasting relationship; thoughtful, kind, wise, and good actions will.


#12

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33) God bless you.


#13

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