An Idol?


#1

So recently I have been thinking a lot about how I approach chastity and dating. I am 21 years old and have never had a gf/kissed a girl which is a gift I thank God for everyday. However, I am starting to see that by saving my first kiss for a girl I truly love (of course my virginity too)… that I might be creating an idol out of girls. Some of my friends say kissing is not a big deal and I should just go for it. Part of me wants to, but I know it won’t satisfy my heart. I am trying my best to enjoy the single life, but I find myself wishing for even just one friend that is a girl that I could share my experiences with. I think about this stuff everyday and I have almost thrown away my purity ring and letters to my future wife. (because I get so frustrated/depressed that what I may be doing is wrong). Maybe I am just reaching for a dream that is not possible. There is this one girl I like who has never had a bf etc… but we don’t talk that much and I think she found out that I liked her and it seemed like she started to ignore me after that. I try to just be friends, but I get the feeling that my lack of experience with girls makes me unattractive. I am not seeking a perfect women as I know God is the only one that can truly complete me. Anyway, my question is do you think I am making an idol out of girls and if so should I just stop trying so hard?


#2

No, I don’t think you’re making an idol out of girls and I don’t think you’re trying too hard, either. But truth be told, the seriousness with which you take your sexuality and kissing and full blown sex is extremely rare and probably will not appeal to most girls you encounter who you are liable to find will live by a more–shall we say–progressive view of sex and dating. To girls like these, your conservatism and lack of experience may be unattractive, but at the same time, there are undoubtedly girls out there who will find it refreshing and attractive!

What I think you should do if you want to find a like-minded girlfriend is to get involved with church youth and church young-adult groups that girls like you’re looking for and guys like you frequent. Dating is going to be more difficult for you and your options are limited, but in the end, I think you’ll definitely find the girl you’re looking for.


#3

[quote="passus, post:2, topic:252481"]
No, I don't think you're making an idol out of girls and I don't think you're trying too hard, either. But truth be told, the seriousness with which you take your sexuality and kissing and full blown sex is extremely rare and probably will not appeal to most girls you encounter who you are liable to find will live by a more--shall we say--progressive view of sex and dating. To girls like these, your conservatism and lack of experience may be unattractive, but at the same time, there are undoubtedly girls out there who will find it refreshing and attractive!

What I think you should do if you want to find a like-minded girlfriend is to get involved with church youth and church young-adult groups that girls like you're looking for and guys like you frequent. Dating is going to be more difficult for you and your options are limited, but in the end, I think you'll definitely find the girl you're looking for.

[/quote]

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I would like to add that I have the same mindset. I want to find that one special girl, and be happy that I have saved everything for her. I guess I'm kind of a perfectionist when it comes to relationships.

I don't think you're making an idol out of girls, I think you're just waiting for that special someone.... and you are certainly not trying too hard!

I commend you though.... I believe your mindset truly is honorable, and one of a great role model. If only more of the world were like you....

God bless!


#4

Thank you for your insights! I really appreciate it :slight_smile:


#5

I can understand the purity / virginity thing but kissing? You are 21 right? Kissing someone isn't going to lead to a jog to the bedroom with anyone you would probably want to spend the rest of your life with IMHO.

My suggestion, others feel free to disagree, would be to pursue normal dating relationships. At 21 this means probably holding hands and kissing... to me that's normal. Not kissing? Most of the girls I know would have shyed away if they found one someone had never kissed anyone by time they are in the 20s. Still a virgin? Some will think that's cool for the wrong or the right reasons, just stand your ground on that one. However I believe you do need to experience some pleasure and bonding with someone of the opposite sex, huggin, holding hands and kissing is perfectly acceptable.

Joe


#6

yeah that is actually what a lot of my friends tell me. But for me personally I get really attached to people and I know if I kiss someone I would be giving them my heart forever. I just want to save my first kiss for someone special.


#7

[quote="djforce888, post:6, topic:252481"]
yeah that is actually what a lot of my friends tell me. But for me personally I get really attached to people and I know if I kiss someone I would be giving them my heart forever. I just want to save my first kiss for someone special.

[/quote]

Saving your first kiss for someone special is a great idea. However, unlike virginity, chances are you will give it to a girl you won't marry. (that's usually because you don't give your virginity away until you are married :rolleyes:)

Anyhow, I think you are not making an idol out of girls, I think you are making an idol out of 'inexperience'. I understand getting attached to people and doing actions that equzte to giving your heart. But it sounds like you are petrified of being hurt. If you live your whole like trying to avoid hurt, you will not be very free.

When the time is right, you will know it. Until then, relax and concentrate on other things with girls such as common interests, going to a movie, going for a bike ride etc

CM


#8

[quote="cmscms, post:7, topic:252481"]
Saving your first kiss for someone special is a great idea. However, unlike virginity, chances are you will give it to a girl you won't marry. (that's usually because you don't give your virginity away until you are married :rolleyes:)

[/quote]

Depending on what type of kiss... a person should also wait until marriage for their first passionate (eg french/making out) kiss, but there are chaste kisses that can be exchanged before too.


#9

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