An update on my toxic family situation if anyone is interested


#1

So the mayor of crazy town (grandma) called back on Friday afternoon and I easily let it go to voice mail. No more spoiling my labor or stressing me out/calling me names.

Saturday morning early my cell phone is ringing so I go look and see it’s from a Bay Area area code, but don’t recognize the number. I learn through VM it’s my cousin, and I realize they are pulling out the big guns now, having my male cousin call…he is the other sane (ok that’s relative he can be really judgemental and uncharitable about other’s too) person in the family, BUT overall he’s a peaceful guy who wants everyone to get along.

So I call him back. He explains that he had spoke to my mother for two hours the night before and said he would call me to see if she could speak to or see my children. I explain I am about to give birth any moment, and no, I am not getting involved, nor or my kids right now. He was so very cool about it all “I don’t blame you. I am just the middle man – the messenger boy, I promised my aunt I would call you, and that’s all I am doing, I am so not putting pressure on you. I don’t blame you at all. We all saw this coming, your mom has a LONG history of this kind of drama, and I don’t blame you one bit for saying enough!”

So we had a nice talk. I did learn some more pertinent facts which make me feel good, meaning I actually got facts not drama as I would from my g-ma. After all, even if I stay far far away from her, I do care as she is still my mother. I learned her “husband” is going to court on these charges – being pressed by the DA NOT her – on Dec. 18th. He has previous convictions on assault, domestic battery, and domestic abuse. It is being said he’ll receive 6-8 months in jail because of the priors. Good. My mom does have to testify, and apparently they are presenting full body pictures of her and she was literally beaten head to foot. That very day he will be served with divorce papers. Good again.

I am glad all is being taken care of and I do not feel the slightest tinge to jump in and rescue, nor the slightest urge to be involved.

AND FINALLY I think I got it through their heads, at least my cousin’s – who can pass it on to the rest of the family:

It’s not this particular husband. If it were not him it would have been somebody else. She made her choice over her family. HER choice. She is still very sick in the head. This behavior or even line of thinking is not condusive to my small children. Therefor, NO, just because she got beat up and her husband is going to jail – after turning her back on her own daughter and grandkids for two years – does not mean we are welcoming her back with open arms. NO.

Toxic toxic toxic.

Until she actually receives help and turns her life around (including ditching the men again) she is not welcome NEAR my children. Right now the drama is on high octane, and I can’t have that around. I can love my mom from afar, as is the safest thing for my kids, my DH and for me. :thumbsup: Oh and TRUST ME when I say I am not expecting her to change, to get help, or to give up her selfish ways at all, just laying out my conditions. Even those conditions don’t seem very appealing to me. She broke that promise before. :shrug: I’m playing it by ear, and my resistance is HIGH.

Why though does she, and the rest of the family think just because he’s gone I should just open my heart and house to this again? No way! She messed up big time, not HIM – her! It’s so sad she’s calling all the relatives and manipulating each one to work on me. That angers me. Cousin told me he would tell everyone to lay off, no more calls until I have the baby. :thumbsup:

Thanks for all your input on my previous thread. I just wanted to update you guys and let you know I am doing really well, and I feel good that I FINALLY got through to someone who actually understands and will hopefully aid me in getting the harassment to stop. He laughingly said “well it is Christmas…” Yeah can you bring me a big box of INSANITY wrapped up in pretty paper and a blue bow? Haha No thanks.

Oh and grandma called again this morning. STRAIGHT to Voice Mail. Get the HINT lady. I feel like sending a video of me with my fingers in my ears going “LA LA LA LA I can’t hear you!” LOL :smiley: Better call my cuz back and tell him to tell g-ma to back it off too!

OK that’s that. Hope your first day of Advent was lovely (mine was!) and now I’ll go back to nesting and preparing to give birth…

Any day now…:smiley:


#2

You are doing what you need to do for the sake of your health and your children. I am proud of you.

I know that there were many members of my mom’s family who enabled her behavior. When I was 18 I had her committed for threatening suicide everytime she got upset. She was also addicted to pain medicine.

My mom’s family got very angry with me and said that I should have just left the situation in the family. They continued to judge me harshly for any choices that I made to protect myself and my family.

Oddly enough, after my mom’s death a few of them approached me and informed me that they understood that my mom had a mental disorder. Um…thanks for the support a little to late. Where were they when I was a frightened 18 year old?

Likely your mom is manipulative and the whole family has learned to deal with her problems in an unhealthy fashion. Instead of protecting their well members they protect the crazy one.:shrug:

Be glad that this type of behavior won’t be observed by your children.:frowning: I got to a point where I realized that I didn’t want my kids to have to learn the same type of coping skills that I had to learn to deal with my mom. Shutting down and repressing my anger was not healthy. I don’t want my kids to learn this type of behavior due to dealing with grandma.

You did the right thing.:slight_smile:


#3

Wow… all I can say is… wow. You, and all the craziness, are in my prayers.


#4

It seems like things are going a bit more smoothly…thanks for sharing. I had to laugh…‘mayor of crazy town (grandma).’ That is hilarious!:smiley:


#5

Oh girlfriend, my grandma is mayor, and my mom is the SHERIFF.

LOL I think that leaves my aunt at Vital Statistics, only because she does not forgive nor forget the tiniest SLIGHT. Documented, signed and sealed!

I have to joke or I will go insane…but it’s sad isn’t it? Funny but sad.


#6

In a way, it’s sad…of course, the overall situation is sad. But, I agree–without humor, you might go nuts! And your aunt is head of Vital Statistics…hahahaha

I think we all have mini soap operas going on in our families to a degree. Your intial thread/story was heartbreaking though. I feel for your mom–just drawn to drama.

I will keep you in my prayers KC!

Keep the humor coming.:wink:


#7

My father must be the travel agent (for guilt trips) of Crazy Town. :smiley:

Good for you for sticking to your guns! It sounds like your cousin is a pretty nice guy, all things considered. :thumbsup: Here’s hoping your mom will realize that she has to turn her life around if she’s interested in seeing her grandkids again.


#8

#9

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

OK this whole post can go somewhere so fun.

C’mon everyone! Jump in and place a relative in a official position in Crazy Town!

It’s the holidays and we all could use some humor…because as we know, even the most mild-mannered family members can go a bit cuh-razy this time of year! :thumbsup:


#10

Can I be head inmate at the psych ward?


#11

It’s ALL YOU! :rotfl:


#12

My sister is a deputy in Crazytown. I swear, she and her husband get in big, knock-down drag-out fights IN FRONT of the kids and she claims she is a victim of abuse, but won’t leave him, she’d rather have everyone feel sorry for her (and also, she starts a lot of the fights). We’re always supposed to send her money.


#13

I have quite a few relatives who could be considered queens of Martyrdom.:wink:

I could be the Superintendent of Worry Wart-ville. That is just a few blocks away from Crazy Town.:smiley:


#14

My SIL is the Used Car Salesman of Crazy Town…She can make most people buy a beat-up Yugo and think they are driving away in a Ferrari.


#15

OHP she’s following in the Sheriff’s footsteps!

:rolleyes:


#16

My mom, God bless her, could be the town mascot!


#17

**My MIL could be a lead writer for the Crazy Town [size=]******newspaper (she lives in a small town and knows anyone and everyone’s business!![/size]


#18

My SIL could run for Commissioner of Sanitation – she never shows up without a truckload of garbage!


#19

These are great! :smiley:


#20

Family is just crazy… so I really got nothing. Although, my aunt might be a good entertainment director. She’s hilarious and a one woman party.
Not to mention she looks like Cher when Cher looked real.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.